Nauseous... My community is DEFENDING Akin...

[PsychGrad]

Not only defending what he said as a "misspeak", but now, on a local website, there are 100+ posts about how anyone raped DESERVED it bc they PROVOKED their rapist.

I cannot stomach this. As a personal survivor (multiple, as victims are usually vulnerable and become victimized repeatedly) and a professional mental health counselor, I cannot take this. I am nauseous, disgusted, literally - my heart hurts. I am realizing that I have neighbors, people I called "friends", who believe this... who blame the victims of rape and expect them to "take responsibility for provoking" rapists.

I cannot even put into words the feelings that this is evoking in me. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't... function. I know it will pass. I know it will change (I'm so hopeful). But right now, at this very minute, I am so saddened and so hurt.

I will continue to work, and help the victims attempt to overcome, or at least handle, their violently given wounds... but my belief in my community as "good people" is totally shattered. Absolutely, irrevocably, shattered.

[darkangel218]

1. It must be a terrible feeling and I'm sorry you have to be near these ppl

It's awful to realize that fellow human beings can be this heartless. :'(

[RKP5637]

2. Hang in there. I'm shocked too by whom my neighbors, in fact town and state support. I am

constantly shocked by the insensitivity and ignorance.

[Whisp]

3. I'm so sorry...

don't know what to say to you really, other than there really are more good people out there than ignorant mean ones.

[RKP5637]

6. What a beautiful kitty and her coat is incredible. n/t

[MFM008]

17. awww

thanks for taking care of the kitty.

And to origional poster-- you cant count on anyone else, just forge forward because you know you are right.

[niyad]

40. verrrry pretty kitty

[darkangel218]

48. here is another pic x

[IMG][/IMG]

[niyad]

49. awww, that is beautiful, and thank you

[nenagh]

50. Princess...what amazing colors in her coat...

She is a regal cat, indeed!

[asjr]

51. Once upon a time I had a Tortoise Shell kitty just like that.

Her name was Abby and she loved corn on the cob.

[PsychGrad]

57. Awwwww!!!!

My internet is very slow, and I was just now able to see her pics! She is gorgeous! I love Calico kitties, even if I am allergic to them all... lol. My next faves are Siamese... )

[Trajan]

5. Maybe you need to move away from that awful place ...

I lived 15 months in the Ozarks (Springfield, MO) before I flew like a bat outta hell to Boulder CO ...

I could not leave that hell hole fast enough ...

May I recommend Portland OR or Seattle WA?

[Webster Green]

36. Or Northern California.

The west side of Northern California. The left side. I will never leave here. The area is very liberal and totally awesome!

[tavalon]

56. A-fucking-men!

In my many years of internment in Texas, I often saw bumperstickers that said, "I wasn't born here, but I got here as soon as I could!", I think of that often as I drive around Seattle.

You'll not find me living off of the West Coast ever again. Though, if my country gets any more insane, I may just go to Vancouver, BC. It wouldn't be awful to be a Canadian.

[coalition_unwilling]

7. Where are you located? - n/t

[Odin2005]

8. Assholes!!!

[Liberal_in_LA]

9. anonymity of internet brings out the a**holes

[LiberalLoner]

10. ((((hugs))))))

[gollygee]

11. There's no excuse for that

I don't care how much you want to support a politician, I see no excuse for blaming rape victims for being raped, ever, by anyone. I'm sorry it hurts so much.

:

[customerserviceguy]

12. As a professional mental health counselor

surely you're familiar with the concept of cognitive dissonance. If it's normal and natural for people to have that, and not always be able to rise above it, then perhaps you can view your community with sympathy, or at least pity.

It takes a LOT of CD to believe in an invisible skyfather who lets bad things happen to good people; it's much easier to hunt for bogus reasons as to why the person who befell the tragedy "deserved" it, so the believer can reassure themselves that "it couldn't happen to me."

Let's face it, that attitude is reflected in our sentencing for homicide. Jump out of the bushes and kill a total stranger, and you'll get the death penalty or at least life without parole, kill a neighbor who theoretically had a chance to know what kind of whack job you were, and you get 50 years, kill a family member who had an ability to really know you, and you get 20 years. And if you kill a spouse or a child and can come up with some insanity defense, you might not do time outside a mental hospital at all.

The root of that disparity in sentencing? The whole "It can't happen to me," thought, and the more the crime challenges that basic core belief, the more harshly we deal with it.

[MadHound]

14. You're part of your community, why not speak out against Akin?

Why not get together with your like minded family and friends and speak out collectively against Akin? Don't let a few idiots define what your community is for or against. Get up, get out and speak out. It is your community as well.

[99Forever]

15. How awful.

What you are seeing is the results of decades of hate propaganda. The "new" brand of "conservative," ESPECIALLY the self-righteous religious variety, is a cancer on the very being of this Nation. As little conciliation as it might be, at least now you know what is in the heart of your community and make your future plans accordingly.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

16. If you damn women would just wear burquas...

I have to asume that this level of ignorance has always been with us. The advent of the internet is just ripping the scab off of the pustulating sore.

[Care Acutely]

19. The OP doesn't reveal gender. Men are victims of sexual violence too.

I say this from a conviction that all forms of rape and molestation are violence, whether the victims are coerced to any form of "participation" or not.

All I'm saying here is, we shouldn't assume all survivors of rape are female - many, many of them are not.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

55. Oh for cryin in a beer! The entire conversation for the week has been about pregnancy from rape

Now, I'm no biology major but I've been told that not too many men get pregnant when they are raped and I have never in my 62 years heard that a man was "asking for it" .

While I understand that men get molested too, I was, my point about fundamentalist thought should have been obvious. I guess I was too subtle.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

30. Fundamentalists are fundamentally small groups of men controlling everyone else especially women

[pnwmom]

18. I'm sorry you're going through this, PsychGrad.

[secondvariety]

20. It's probably not you community,

just the usual blow hard internet cowards. But, I don't know where you live.

[sibelian]

21. The destruction of the illusion of civilisation is always frightening.

Please try to take heart in the knowledge that your "friends" can be replaced. I had to do it and I know it's awful, but in the end one cannot continue to associate with destructive forces.

[handmade34]

22. find yourself among friends...

[annabanana]

23. Dear PsychGrad

I'm so sorry you have to put up with this cruelty. I am hoping that most of those you know in "real life" do not feel that way. If they are friends, they would not want to hurt you in that way.

Welcome to DU. You will find some kindness here.

[Dustlawyer]

24. As you can see, many people support you as well, myself being one. Hang in here, we're w/you!

[Scairp]

25. Don't read that

Just stop going to that site. People who would defend this pig and then go further and attack victims are not deserving of any attention so please just don't read it. I don't know where you live but it must be 1950 there perpetually.

[spanone]

26. you must live in a community of mental midgets

[Bort336]

27. Nothing to say but

a town full of Rape-Uglicanasaurouses, VagVamps, and VagHags.

Give us a thumbs up at the Urban Dictionary links above and don't forget to tag every last one of those bastards for what they are, Vaginal Vampires.

<a href="http://s1059.photobucket.com/albums/t435/VagVampHunter/?action=view¤t=44258cdd.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

[brewens]

28. In a way, I actually have more respect for people that will just come right out and say what they

believe. I suppose a lot of those are anonymous comments though. It's better than being cute and using the carefully coded words. I actually wish they would do the same thing with racial comments. Tell us what you really think Akin and the rest of you!

[mnhtnbb]

29. Time to move. Seriously.

[riderinthestorm]

31. Take the "Harry Potter" Rx for shock: chocolate

Wine too if you have it and find someone to give you a real life hug.

Here's a virtual (((((((hug)))))) and a welcome to DU. I think you'll find us a community that's better suited to you....

[SansACause]

32. This is mainstream GOP thought.

Why are you surprised? They only went after Akin for saying it out loud.

[SmittynMo]

33. I will do my best to support you.

I'm spreading the word as fast as I can. I am from MO, and many people I know will not be voting for Akin. What an ahole!!! It's the GOP way, and they must be stopped at the polls. Has anyone noticed how the GOP represents and supports all the fear and hate subjects? Stop them at the polls and vote Democrat!!!!

[Spitfire of ATJ]

34. There's an ugly nature in Conservatives and they LOVE to show it.

Just to piss off Liberals.

[vlyons]

35. I hope you have the courage

to a) walk away from these co-called friends. These people are not your friends. They lack wisdom and compassion. You don't need these people to disturb your peace of mind and dredge up hurtful memories and emotions.

and b) if you encounter them irl to tell them to their face that their thoughtlessness and lack of compassion is covertly hostile and unacceptable in your life.

Those people are beneath your dignity.

[MADem]

37. That's not your "community." It's simply the place where you live.

Your "community" is among people who feel the same way you do about this matter; that the guy is an asshole, that his comments were outrageous and inexcusable, and that anyone who can support him, champion him, or even give him a pass on it is a fucking nitwit.

All you can do, while you live among those morons, is Consider The Source.

[The Doctor.]

38. Have you thought of a LTTE?

In your local paper?

It might not hurt to express your disappointment and personal experience. You seem to be a fine writer. It might help some to realize how awful their attitudes are. It might also help you.

[niyad]

39. don't know where you live, but there are a bunch like that where I am--which is why I try not

to read the local fishwrap. just know that you are not alone, at least here in the virtual world. is there any possibility of moving from there, SOON?

[1monster]

41. I truly believe that the extremists in politics (right or left) are suffering from a form of madness

or mental illness. For some, it is a something like seaonal affectiveness disorder that comes when the the days grow shorter, but comes with political campaign seasons. They are generally good, generous people who are mostly reasonable -- until campaign season rolls around.

Some how, their very identities have become wrapped up in their political parties and they feel they must defend their chosen (or inherited) party at all costs. They will eschew logic, thoughtfulness, freindship, love, and their absolute beliefs in defense of their party.

After the elections, they used to put alway politics for four years and get back in touch with the reality and practicalities of life and their ability to compromise.

That doesn't happen any more because with the advent of twenty-four hour news coverage, a new campaign season begins even before the current one ends. The respite of reality, logic, and praticality is no more. The madness has nothing to check its progress anymore and grows stronger and more illogical every day.

Unfortunately, this is not an illness that affects just Republicans/conservatives, even though they seem to be more suseptible to it. There have been times enough when many at DU have shown troubling symtoms of this syndrome in the past...

Those who can stand back and see what is happening can only fear for our society and our world.

[duhneece]

42. Activists in our small, right wing community we perform The Vagina Monologues, have Take Back the Ni

Some of us are also involved in 'Start The Dialogue', discussing Eve Ensler'sbook, Girls Are Emotional Creatures:

"...An unexpected new program began in Alamogordo in October. Based on Eve Ensler’s I Am An Emotional Creature, women, young and old, began gathering over pizza and discussing “girl issues.” Subjects have ranged from the history of Barbie to sexual assault to self esteem. At each event, participants read monologues from the book and discuss. But it is common for the topic to take a detour off the beaten path now and again. As women share their lives, their stories and their memories, it is common to hear wild laughter and also see tears. Emotions run strong in this group of emotional creatures..."
http://www.examiner.com/article/start-the-dialogue-young-women-discuss-eve-ensler-s-new-book-and-girl-issue

Activism cures my deepest despair. Am also currently buoyed by Steven Pinkers' "The Better Angels of our Nature." Maybe things ARE getting better than I'd previously thought.

[niyad]

43. don't know if you could do something like this, but I would be inclined to go to that comment

section and write something along the lines of "so, all of you who say a woman "provokes" her rapist--is that YOUR excuse for raping women? how many women have PROVOKED YOU to rape?
this must be the case, because no sane, non-rapist would ever make such an asinine, woman-hating statement."

[Trillo]

44. Why do you believe they're your "friends"?

Clearly, your "feelings" are telling you otherwise. Why do you ignore yourself?

The Internet was supposed to be worldwide, and except for various firewalls, as well as accessibility issues, it is. There's no residency check to post on any website. My first guess would be a psychological operations group, could be from anywhere. Could be a group connected to Akin, or not.

BTW, the responsibility cry is a tactic used to keep people oppressed. Think of a variation on Leona Helmsley's words, "Only little people take responsibility." Lots of moneyed groups avoid responsibility by shifting it to those lower in some kind of pyramid. It is rare when responsibility flows uphill like money does.

[midnight]

45. I think Ryan's and his legislation show that this is not misspeak...

Paul Ryan and Todd Akin Partnered On Radical ‘Personhood’ Bill Outlawing Abortion And Many Birth Control Pills

http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2012/08/20/712501/paul-ryan-and-todd-akin-partnered-on-radical-personhood-bill-outlawing-abortion-and-many-birth-control-pills/


ThinkProgress reported that Rep. Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin (R-MO) and GOP vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan both cosponsored the bill that introduced America to the despicable term “forcible rape.” As it turns out, this may only be the second most sweeping attack on reproductive freedom that both men partnered on. Ryan and Akin also cosponsored a federal personhood bill, the Sanctity of Human Life Act of 2009, which declares that a fertilized egg is entitled to the exact same legal rights as a human being:
(1) the Congress declares that–
(A) the right to life guaranteed by the Constitution is vested in each human being, and is the paramount and most fundamental right of a person; and
(B) the life of each human being begins with fertilization, cloning, or its functional equivalent, irrespective of sex, health, function or disability, defect, stage of biological development, or condition of dependency, at which time every human being shall have all the legal and constitutional attributes and privileges of personhood; and
(2) the Congress affirms that the Congress, each State, the District of Columbia, and all United States territories have the authority to protect the lives of all human beings residing in its respective jurisdictions.

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

46. If they will support something this offensive

there's nothing a piece of filth like Akin could say that would turn off your community and the neighbors you describe. The problem in America today is not the right wing thugs who have no sense of decency like Akin. You could search the insane asylums and prisons and always find sociopaths and psychopaths. It's the communities of people who support them, elevate them to power, and fail to realize that in doing so they are proving themselves to be of extreme low moral character.

[JohnnyRingo]

47. Comment sections attract the most vile people in the world

If it makes you feel any better, you can't judge a community by what you read on a website. I live in a 2 to 1 Democratic stronghold, but to read the local newspaper comment section, you'd think this was Mobile Alabama. Misogynist racists and uncompassionate conservatives rule the roost there, but it's not at all typical of the area.

Those people love to troll the sites and get others upset. It's what they live for. This is why many site are ending the anonomous logon.

[PsychGrad]

52. Thank you all...

for the support. I, logically, know that these people are willfully ignorant. I just did NOT know that so many that I considered friends believed this. I was/am just so disappointed. I am glad Akin said what he said, because now I know. And trust me, when I see them again IRL, I will not speak to them. There is no need to.

I do feel sorry for them, but I feel sorrier for their sisters, mothers, children, sons, brothers, etc. The things that they were saying on the site were absolutely VILE. I did remove myself from the group, promptly. Several people have contacted me privately and have also removed themselves from the group. This whole Akin thing has really allowed me to see these people in a much clearer light. Not that they aren't good people in some ways (although I really try not to judge), but this is definitely a dealbreaker for me.

I have never asked, invited, or provoked an abuser. As a young child, I did not know the world in a realistic way. I was violated, and if anyone can't see that for exactly what it is, then I cannot/will not/refuse to be in their company. I will not spend money in their stores, I will not support programs that they head, I will not participate with them in any way, shape, or form.

And, when one day, their personal life is touched by sexual violence... I will be there to help them pick up the pieces. Professionally and personally. And I will do so without an ounce of blame or judgment of them. That is the best I can offer.

I can't move right now, but it is honestly something I will now seriously consider in the future when it is more feasible. I know that there is ignorance everywhere, but I'm not new, and this is beyond "some" of the community. This was hundreds of my neighbors, and if it is a representative sample (and I'm really afraid it probably is), then I am in an area that I can't even recognize right now.

Again, thank you all for all of the support. I do have some very close friends here (most in the mental health profession, as we all network with each other) who are very intelligent, caring, and empathetic. They get it. Just felt bombarded today. Blocked the site, removed myself, refused to answer any further (I'm just not feeling strong enough right now to fight the good fight, maybe in time?), and went and had coffee with a close friend. I'm centered now, have my bearings back, and will be able to give 150% to my clients at sessions tomorrow, including my victims of sexual violence (99% of my caseload, btw).

I guess I just needed to vent to some folks that I KNEW would get it. Thank you for restoring a little of my hope in humankind.

[Hydra]

53. Akin accidentally shined a light on the culture of rape and abuse in our society

The fact that there are people who believe victims of rape and violence who are somehow to blame for the actions of their abuser shows just how little we've really evolved out of the jungle.

For a short time, I did some community awareness work against child kidnapping. The level of apathy stunned me...who were these people, these cardboard cutouts of people who cared nothing until it was someone they knew who fell victim?

I knew then that things weren't changing because the majority of people didn't want them to. It was a stunner as bad as the one you had, I think.

Being a former victim yourself, use this information to protect yourself- you are a sheep among the wolves. Don't fool yourself into thinking this isn't everywhere- it is.

[Skittles]

54. I doubt they really believe it

but they're gonna vote repuke no matter what so they have to justify Akin (who himself was justifying the no-exceptions clause for abortion) - and they grasp at straws to do it - they are full of shit - don't give them the power to make you feel powerless.