"Lazy Poor Person Has Never Earned Passive Income From Stock Dividends A Day In His Life"

[krispos42]

"Lazy Poor Person Has Never Earned Passive Income From Stock Dividends A Day In His Life"
Monday 2:21pm

MUNCIE, IN—Shaking their heads in disgust at the irresponsible man’s laziness and lack of initiative, sources disclosed to reporters Monday that impoverished 53-year-old Luke Reilly has never earned passive income from stock dividends a day in his life. “It’s an absolute disgrace that there are people in this country who can’t even be bothered to get up and go out and put some of their cash on hand into high dividend–yielding stocks,” said local resident Deborah Nix, who expressed frustration at the full-time cashier’s refusal to even try investing in a mutual fund or placing a substantial inheritance into an account that generates thousands of dollars a year and can then be tapped into as needed. “He probably just expects everything to be handed to him, but that’s not how it works. You have to get out there and pound the pavement until you find a reputable wealth management firm. Then, it’s just a matter of following the advice of an expert and transferring funds from one place to another. Of course, if someone like that ever did receive a dividend payout or a generous share buyback, he’d probably blow it all by the end of the week.” At press time, sources confirmed Reilly had proven his neighbor’s point by squandering his entire minimum-wage paycheck on rent, bills, and groceries.

https://local.theonion.com/lazy-poor-person-has-never-earned-passive-income-from-s-1832537497

It's suppose to be satire, but I get the feeling that this mindset is far more prevalent among the movers and shakers of America than should be. Particularly among those who've inherited their wealth and are clueless about how the lower 99.9% live.

[Ohiogal]

1. Yup - it's getting more difficult

to tell good satire from reality these days.

As for the comment “ he just expects everything to be handed to him,” .... what do they call living off of stock dividends?

[krispos42]

9. something something bootstraps?

That's my guess.

[marble falls]

2. Why should my income from an investment my grandfather made (and since earned back ...

many times over in more than fifty years) be income tax rate protected???

[BSdetect]

4. Risk factors.

[lostnfound]

5. Read the Divine Right of Capital. It's subsidized gambling and akin to a feudal estate

[marble falls]

7. Correctomundo.

[marble falls]

6. What risk? The company screws up and I lose the lottery ticket which already has paid off.

I risk more getting into my car to drive to the shop every single day. What's my risk in IBM stock I inherited 30 years ago that's given me a check every year?? If I'm living off my "investment" its no different than living off betting on the ponies. Except tax-wise. Its an investment.

[zipplewrath]

3. They talk out of both sides of their mouths

They justify extremely low wages, and simultaneously castigate employees for not saving enough. Depending upon where you live, if you aren't making $50K, you're probably "losing" money because you can't save enough to handle future issues. When you look at ALL the costs that financial advisers would tell you that you need, it costs alot of money. Homes, autos, and the insurance for both, Life insurance, health insurance, savings, retirement savings, 401K's, and on and on. All of this takes income. Income, by the way, AFTER stuff like gas, food, electricity, water, taxes, etc.

[Gothmog]

8. I love the Onion

[Duppers]

10. Me too!! It makes me cry...

With laughter.

[jcgoldie]

11. "squandering his entire minimum-wage paycheck on rent, bills, and groceries"

That's a good line!