General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region Forumssexual assault
Everyone who is a victim has a personal reaction
Mine was shock and shame, it was years before I got over the shame to feel anger.
People don't go to the police when they are ashamed.
Women don't go police to be interrogated and have every inch of their bodies examined when they are ashamed.
You have to get to anger before you take affirmative action.
Or at least that is my experience.
I reported neither of my rapists.
But suicide was constantly on my mind.
dlk
(11,575 posts)No one deserves to be assaulted. I hope you can find support and counseling. There are resources available for every income level. Sometimes it takes a bit to find them, but they're out there. Good luck!
Fresh_Start
(11,330 posts)I am a survivor.
I did have therapy years later.
But its a wound that leaves scars that you carry for life.
I know that Blasey Ford made me cry for days...and I was not the only one of my friends who were RAW from reliving their own experience.
dlk
(11,575 posts)Dr. Ford not only made me cry, but I was also triggered for days. I think millions of American women were. It was a turning point.
Fresh_Start
(11,330 posts)I don't know if someone who hasn't experienced it can ever understand the degree to which is destroys a person.
And because of that, I think that we get these OBSCENE responses from church and judges and bystanders .....
Maybe he raped you, but you were drunk and think of what this will do to his career.
jberryhill
(62,444 posts)Here, the reaction was not "shock and shame".
The reaction in this instance was "completely forget about it, suppress the memory, complete graduate studies and begin successful career, and not remember a thing until seeing a photograph more than a decade later" unless I read the statement incorrectly.
Do please correct me if I have the facts mistaken.
Fresh_Start
(11,330 posts)I was explaining why the MOST COMMON reaction to sexual assault is to not report it to the police because people are saying that because she didn't report it, she made it up.
Not reporting is the by far the most common reaction.
And I'm sorry that you don't understand that her reaction which I don't think you are accurately stating does not negate the validity of her claim.
jcgoldie
(11,639 posts)"completely forgot about it" and "suppressed the memory" mean pretty much exactly the opposite thing psychologically.
jberryhill
(62,444 posts)"I'm sorry that you don't understand that her reaction which I don't think you are accurately stating does not negate the validity of her claim."
Where did I say that?
What I said is that the sequence in your OP of "the MOST COMMON reaction" has nothing to do with the facts in this situation.
So, if "everyone experiences this differently", unless presumably they are having the "most common" experience, it is probably important to understand the facts here.
I also asked you to correct me on the facts if I had them wrong from memory.
Fresh_Start
(11,330 posts)"After the assault, I suffered from both deep humiliation and shame. I did not speak about it for years, and I (like most survivors) suppressed those memories and emotions as a necessary means to continue my studies, and to pursue my goal of building a successful career as an academic. At the time, I found this horrific incident especially degrading given my regular volunteer work at a local rape crisis center. Over the next decade or so, I would go on to earn my PhD from the University of Chicago and become a tenured professor at Scripps College, a prestigious womens college in Claremont, California."
Again I am not her, so I can't tell you what precisely that meant to her.
For me, I compartmentalized my feelings and memories.
Most of the time, that would work so I too finished school, finished college, went to grad school.
But I was a broken person because I could not have a normal intimate relationship without self-destructing.
Until I got a lot of therapy and a very understanding partner.
That is my experience, everyone's experience is different.
But I completely understand what she is saying because I did essentially the same damn thing.
jcgoldie
(11,639 posts)Thanks for sharing your story.
theboss
(10,491 posts)And we move on....
akraven
(1,975 posts)Mine was almost 60 years ago, and the memories surface. Take care of you.
Fresh_Start
(11,330 posts)and I am so sorry that you suffered sexual assault and still bear those scars.
akraven
(1,975 posts)And the heart was yours to start!