Why half the population would welcome a sleep divorce

[brooklynite]

Ozy:

Each night, Kelly Kandra Hughes nestles under the weighted blanket of her queen-size bed around 9 pm. She usually reads before her husband, Heath, comes in to chat about their plans for the next day. If it’s been a long day, he’ll crawl into the bed and run his fingers through her hair. After kissing Kelly goodnight, he turns off the lamp.

When Heath goes to bed a few hours later, he heads into his own bedroom. The couple has been sleeping separately since about seven months into their marriage. Because Kelly has narcolepsy, her husband’s nighttime movements disturb her sleep. But recent studies suggest that their situation — which has been coined a “sleep divorce” — isn’t all that unique. In fact …

46 PERCENT OF AMERICANS IN A RELATIONSHIP WOULD RATHER SLEEP ALONE AT LEAST SOME OF THE TIME, ACCORDING TO A 2018 SURVEY.

The survey of 2,000 people, conducted by OnePoll, found that 24 percent think sleeping separately can actually improve a relationship — even though those who slept in the same bed were twice as likely as their non-bed-sharing counterparts to rank their relationship happiness a 10 out of 10.

This isn’t just an American phenomenon: In the U.K., 15 percent of Brits surveyed said they prefer to sleep in a different bed than their romantic partner, according to a 2018 YouGov survey of nearly 2,100 British adults. Britain’s Sleep Council report found that the percentage of couples who sleep separately at least some of the time increased by 9 percent between 2013 and 2017, while the proportion of couples who always sleep alone rose from 8–12 percent.

[Doreen]

1. My freind and her husband have seperate rooms.

He has restless leg syndrome, gets up and lies on the floor for awhile and gets back into the bed, goes to the restroom many times a night, goes to the kitchen to have a snack, and just simply walks around. They tried for awile in the first few of months of their marriage but it just did not work.

[ExciteBike66]

2. The wife and I do this, since I get up far too early for her (and she stays up too late for me)! nt

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

3. We had separate bedrooms almost our entire marriage

and it worked well for us.

Our eventual divorce had nothing to do with our sleeping arrangements.

[The Genealogist]

4. My mother and father didn't even sleep on the same side of the house

I don't remember them ever sleeping in the same bed in the 8 1/2 years I lived before my mother died.. I am guessing this went on before I was born, as I was a planned only child.

[SWBTATTReg]

5. I sleep separately because I snore and don't want to bother my SO. Simple and considerate...nt

[DavidDvorkin]

6. That's depressing.

[Volaris]

13. Right?

Can't speak for anyone else, but I'm too much of an unrepentant cuddle-whore to ever be in a romantic partnership, and not want to share the same bed as a partner heh.

[DavidDvorkin]

15. Me, too

At the very least to be able to touch, hold hands, comfort after a nightmare, and so on.

[uponit7771]

20. +1

[obamanut2012]

18. No it isn't

You are projecting your feelings and expectations.

I cannot stand sleeping with someone else -- I am a very light sleeper, and I am exhausted spending my sleep in a bed with someone else. That doesn't make me depressing, or my relationship depressing. Far from it. It makes it much better.

Quit judging people like this.

[DavidDvorkin]

19. Judging?

That's a rather overly broad definition of the word.

[NurseJackie]

7. I must wear earplugs when my husband's snoring keeps me awake...

... and I can see the advantage of having a separate bedroom. In the past, whenever one of us was ill, the other one takes the guest bedroom... and that always makes it easier.

[MosheFeingold]

8. I was married ove 50 years

We often slept in separate rooms or, for a while, twins beds in the same room. (We'd come over and visit plenty -- 5 kids.)

Sometimes I snored. Sometimes she did. Sleep apnea didn't help things.

Very normal in most countries and cultures.

[ProudLib72]

9. Hmmm, I believe this was part of the reason for my divorce.

She sure as hell brought it up a lot.

[GulfCoast66]

10. Had I not got a CPAP which eliminated my snoring

I have no doubt we would not be sleeping together any longer.

Of course had I not got CPAP 10 years ago I might well be dead from a heart attack by now!

[2naSalit]

11. I hated sleeping with my ex...

so I left and now I can sleep alone all the time. Worked for forty years now.

[brooklynite]

12. My wife and i both have snoring issues...

...but neither of us would want to split up at night.

[Codeine]

14. My SO and I sleep separately

simply because we have opposite schedules. She works nights, I work days. I would prefer we sleep together, but we deal with it.

[easttexaslefty]

16. Whatever works

My husband has restless leg and I have ptsd.
Sometimes I pull out the really thick yoga mat and sleep on the floor beside the bed.
Later when we've both settled down I climb back in bed.

[Vinca]

17. We've slept in separate rooms for years . . . make that decades.

If one partner snores or likes to stay up late watching television or reading, why should the other sacrifice much needed sleep?

[JI7]

21. I don't see anything wrong with this. it's not like they are avoiding each other becsuse

of lack of emotional connection. it's just about being more comfortable.