I am afraid to approach my employer about sexual harassment policy

[lapislzi]

A little background: I work for a small company (under 50 people). A *lot* of borderline offensive stuff gets said in meetings. There's been more than one outright offense (verbal.) I spoke up, and they laughed at me because evidently I can't take a joke.

Despite being in New York State, where sexual harassment training is mandatory, we've never had training, a written policy, or anything like that.

The problem is, if I approach management with what I know the law is, I'll be "that troublemaker." And nothing will be done.

I'm infuriated, especially as I know I'm in the right. Why can't people just do the right thing and comply with the damn law?

[Sherman A1]

1. When I had to do some of the icky stuff at

Work. I would use an oblique approach whenever possible. Try something like the advice from a big brother to get the point across or the “I’ve heard about this going on at another company.” Had to stop a driver from harassing a department head. She didn’t want him to lose his job, but wanted it stopped. I got it done and never accused him of anything.

[lapislzi]

4. Quite honestly, I'm acting in my own self-interest

I want to protect the company from legal liability.

The first time someone goes to the NLRB about an off-color remark (and the company's complete absence of sexual harassment policy or training), it could sink us with legal costs. How dumb can they be?

And how hard is it to lay down a set of guidelines that the state's already given us, and comply with them? It's not that hard not to insult or offend people.

[Sherman A1]

6. I understand

The hardest can often be protecting people from themselves.

[JHB]

12. That could be an angle, especially if you can dig up an example of what happened...

... to some other company, and particularly if it pertains to your work within the company (so it's not like it's coming out of the blue).

"Hey boss, I ran across this and got to thinking 'What happens if something like that happens here?' What are our potential liabilities, just in legal costs?"

[hedda_foil]

14. You really have to decide between saving the company money and your rights.

You're protecting them but they're not following the law that protects you.

[backtoblue]

2. Keep a daily journal, record, etc

Coming forward is the hardest step. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this shit.

Go through your chain of command and if it doesnt stop, call your state EEOC and possibly a lawyer.

From my experience, harassers get worse the longer they get away with it. By coming forward, you may stop a future harassment or even assault.

I wish you the best and know that you are not alone.

ETA: the EEOC will provide you with a lawyer if the company employs over 15 people.

[tblue37]

3. Document everything, for the future. nt

[Tommy_Carcetti]

5. Well, if you come forward and they retaliate against you....

....either by making your workplace environment miserable in hopes you quit or out and out firing you, the law should protect you.

Not saying that it's a fun process, but in such a situation, you would first file an EEOC complaint, and if that doesn't solve the issue, you have a right to file a lawsuit.

[lapislzi]

8. They're just going to ignore me.

They just don't see it as the legal issue it is.

We haven't had a written personnel policy since 1999. When I mention it, they act like it's no big deal and I'm the malcontent.

[TygrBright]

7. Yep, you'll be "that troublemaker."

So you have to decide, how much risk do you want to expose yourself to?

First, research the law as it applies to organizations your size. Some smaller organizations may have different provisions or requirements for dealing with harassment and (this is important) whistleblower protections. Research both.

If you decide to 'go there', be sure you are prepared to go the whole way.

Generally it starts with a question to whoever is in charge of human resources and/or personnel policy, to the effect of, "what is our organizational policy on sexual harassment, and can I see a copy of it?"

Most laws mandating such a policy also mandate that it be accessible to the employees covered thereby.

You should be prepared to document every step of this journey, so always ask questions in writing via email or paper memo, or even established forms if they are in use (print and keep copies of all your emails, memos, forms and any responses from them, off-site)-, and ask them to respond in writing as well.

The most likely response you'll get is "we're in the process of developing such a policy" because they know damn' well they don't have one, but they can't admit that if the law requires them to have it.

You can choose among responses. The minimum should be to ask them to state in writing when the final version will be complete and available.

If you do choose to take the "hold their feet to the fire" course, be aware that regardless of any whistleblower protections that may apply to you, they will likely be looking for ways to get rid of you, you troublemaker, you.

So it comes down to "Do I want to keep my head down, keep this job, say nothing, and put up with the crap, or do I want to try and change this organization and make things better for women who work here in the future, even if that means looking for another job at some point- possibly sooner rather than later."

Now, here's the deal: IF you choose the first option, you'll need to do serious work to let go of the resentment and anger about their lawbreaking and the hostile work environment, because YOU ARE CHOOSING to value your paycheck and job stability over the messy process of change.

The worst possible outcome is for you to keep on mentally bathing in the poison of that resentment and knowledge of how you're putting up with their creeping misogyny and the sense that they're "doing to you" and you're the victim. In that case, you've got the worst of both options, and the effects on your mental (and ultimately physical) wellbeing, your job performance, etc., might make the job untenable for you in the long run, anyway.

There is no fix for this situation that doesn't involve some very difficult times for you. I'm sorry you're in the middle of it, and please know you are not alone. Both ways-- prioritizing the paycheck and stability, or prioritizing the change-- are painful, but there are people who will understand and support your choice, here and (I hope) where you live. So don't try to tough it out on your own!

Good luck and strong heart to you.

encouragingly,
Bright

[lapislzi]

10. Thank you for your wise advice

I am keeping written records. And I am going to be "that troublemaker," because I am certain that the benefits outweigh the potential risks. I've been here a long time, and I know where the bodies are buried.

Also, I know that these aren't bad people. They're lazy and thoughtless people, but I am hopeful that they'll get there eventually.

I appreciate your support

[TygrBright]

11. Well done, you...

It's probably the best choice overall for your own self-respect and a better future.

And if YOU don't take an adversarial tone, they might eventually let the annoyance of someone holding their feet to the fire take a back seat.

There's plenty of non-adversarial ways to approach this once you know you're taking that route. Offering to help is one, if you deem that a possibly useful strategy. In some cases the biggest annoyance is the whole "goddamnit, now we gotta sit down and write the policy and sort out how to implement it" thing.

Providing some samples from organizations of similar size and function may be helpful.

Hang in there, keep us in touch. You actually ARE doing them a favor, whether they ever acknowledge it or not.

appreciatively,
Bright

[aikoaiko]

9. We have skilled HR directors on DU, but you can approach the topic by...

...saying you want to protect your boss and protect the company.

Be ready to cite examples of simple policies from other companies and maybe cite a few examples of civil judgments against small companies that didn't comply or were found liable for bad employees because they weren't trained properly.

When ethics walks, money talks.

[marybourg]

13. You say sexual harrassment training is mandatory.

What agency polices/administers the rule? Find out and submit a complaint to that agency. State Labor Dept., maybe? If you can’t find that info, maybe your state senator or assemblyperson can help you