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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsInconsolable Jeff Sessions Tries To Commit Suicide By Smoking Joint
The Onion
WASHINGTON
Following months of bruising criticism from Democrats and President Trump alike, an inconsolable Jeff Sessions was reportedly trying to commit suicide Thursday by smoking a joint. I swore Id never take the cowards way out, but what choice do I have? said a teary-eyed Sessions, carefully laying a sealed envelope containing his farewell note on a tool bench in his garage as he raised a lighter to the marijuana cigarette with trembling hands. This is it. Ive taken four puffs to make sure theres no chance of survival. It should only be a matter of minutes now. Oh, what a wretched, ignominious ending. Goodbye, cruel world, Im sorry Ive failed you so. At press time, Sessions reportedly realized he had died after being overcome by a euphoric, floating feeling.
https://politics.theonion.com/inconsolable-jeff-sessions-tries-to-commit-suicide-by-s-1826462420
ProudLib72
(17,984 posts)smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)I knew this would be The Onion.
Niagara
(7,610 posts)Thank you for the laugh!!
jmowreader
(50,557 posts)When we speak of "killer weed" we don't mean it literally.