Twenty Million Witnesses Come Forward Claiming They Saw Kavanaugh Lie Under Oath - By Andy Borowitz

[kpete]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As the F.B.I. hurries to complete its supplemental background check of the Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, twenty million witnesses have come forward claiming that they saw Kavanaugh lie under oath.

According to the witnesses, they can remember the place where they saw Kavanaugh lie, a hearing room in the United States Senate, and the exact date and time, this past Thursday afternoon.

Despite the striking similarity of their stories, the twenty million witnesses to Kavanaugh’s mendacity said that they were having trouble getting in touch with the F.B.I., even though lying to the Senate is a federal crime and thus within the Bureau’s jurisdiction.

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In Washington, Senator Lindsey Graham furiously rejected the witnesses’ version of events, arguing, “This is a classic case of he-said/twenty million said.”

“If lying in the United States Senate is a crime, none of us is safe,” Graham added.


https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/twenty-million-witnesses-come-forward-claiming-they-saw-kavanaugh-lie-under-oath