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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsTed Cruz Attempts To Connect With Voters By Wearing More Handsome Man's Face As Mask
DALLASIn an effort to make himself more appealing to voters, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) reportedly tried to connect with the audience at a candidate forum Tuesday by wearing the bloody, skinned face of a far more handsome man as a mask.
People are really responding to this new, dapper Ted Cruz, said campaign manager Jeff Roe, noting that recent internal polls show that since Cruz adopted the new look, voters are twice as likely to describe the expressionless, gore-covered incumbent as trustworthy, affable, or charming.
That rough-cut mask of rotting skin is doing wonders for the senator on the campaign trail. Hes honestly never looked better, and the voters are really beginning to take notice. Even with the stench of decomposition, most people we talk to remark upon how Sen. Cruz doesnt make them feel as nauseous as he used to. Hes looking a lot healthier, too.
Roe later confirmed that while Cruzs current mask was rapidly decaying, the candidate had a freezer filled with enough handsome and blood-encrusted masks of human skin to last him through the campaigns final stretch.
https://politics.theonion.com/ted-cruz-attempts-to-connect-with-voters-by-wearing-mor-1829151503
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Ted Cruz Attempts To Connect With Voters By Wearing More Handsome Man's Face As Mask (Original Post)
Zorro
Sep 2018
OP
blogslut
(38,018 posts)1. Z O D I A C
byronius
(7,401 posts)2. This is real in the universe next door.
Ted Cruz is the creepiest politico there will ever be.
ProudLib72
(17,984 posts)3. Leatherface Ted Cruz
I knew it all along.