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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsBorowitz: Americans Want Alert System Enabling Mueller to Text Them When This Emergency Is Over
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)Millions of Americans do not want Donald J. Trump to text them that there is an emergency, but very strongly want Robert Mueller to text them when this current emergency is over, a new poll shows.
FEMAs about-to-be-launched Presidential alert system drew a sharply negative reaction in the poll, with a majority of Americans saying that they would burn, smash, or otherwise pulverize their phones in advance of the first text that Trump attempts to send them.
By contrast, and by a wide margin, Americans said that they wanted an alert system that would enable Mueller to text them the second he knows this shit show is over, the poll indicates.
Poll respondents were amenable to a broad array of methods by which Mueller might deliver such news, including the one-word text finito, the phrase orange crushed, and emojis depicting a thumbs-up or smiley face.
FEMAs about-to-be-launched Presidential alert system drew a sharply negative reaction in the poll, with a majority of Americans saying that they would burn, smash, or otherwise pulverize their phones in advance of the first text that Trump attempts to send them.
By contrast, and by a wide margin, Americans said that they wanted an alert system that would enable Mueller to text them the second he knows this shit show is over, the poll indicates.
Poll respondents were amenable to a broad array of methods by which Mueller might deliver such news, including the one-word text finito, the phrase orange crushed, and emojis depicting a thumbs-up or smiley face.
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/americans-want-alert-system-enabling-mueller-to-text-them-when-this-emergency-is-over
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Borowitz: Americans Want Alert System Enabling Mueller to Text Them When This Emergency Is Over (Original Post)
ehrnst
Sep 2018
OP
malaise
(269,157 posts)1. Perfect
Gothmog
(145,554 posts)2. I love good satire
NCjack
(10,279 posts)3. Too good to be satire. I really want that text message. nt
LakeArenal
(28,845 posts)5. #basta
FakeNoose
(32,748 posts)6. Unfortunately Mueller won't be able to test the system out
... until next year. He's guessing it should be ready by early January.