General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region Forums"Passed". "Passed away". "Passed on". When did it become verboten to say 'died"?
A pet peeve of mine is cutesy euphemisms for one of humanity's most important, and ultimately inescapable, transition points: death.
I see obituaries all the time is which the loved one is reported to have "passed", "passed away", "passed on", "gone home to glory","gone to be with Jesus", "gone to be with the angels", and probably the most annoyingly provincial "GONE FISHIN'!"
I read a book recently written by a doctor working in a teaching hospital in New York City. She reports taking on a new nurse for overnight care in the geriatric ward. One morning, she comes in to receive the nurse's overnight report on patient status. The new nurse, who hailed from someplace in the deep South, announced that one of their patients "had passed."
"Passed what? Passed urine? Passed stool?"
"No...she...she passed away. She passed on."
"......You mean she died?"
"Yes."
"Then say 'she died'! This isn't East Cornpone or wherever you're from! Use medical terminology here."
If someone were to say to me that such a euphemism can ease the pain and grief of the loved ones, I would simply say death is death. The loved ones will not grieve less or feel less pain if we take ridiculous steps to avoid using the words "death", "dead", or "died".
HipChick
(25,485 posts)Is that ok?
It's possible to go too far in the other direction. For example, I would never tell a patient's family that the patient had 'expired', as if he/she were a gallon of milk. Just 'died'. Short, simple, and direct.
HipChick
(25,485 posts)I went through something traumatic at 16, which caused me to forever reject organized religion..."died" implies for me, that the soul does not live on...like this is it..finite..
Aristus
(66,462 posts)But I don't see why someone of a religious bent should feel moved to avoid the word 'death'.
People of many different religions agree that, while the soul may live on, the earthly, corporeal body dies.
Sneederbunk
(14,300 posts)Voltaire2
(13,154 posts)LastLiberal in PalmSprings
(12,592 posts)But I can see where "passed away" has its purposes.
In journalism school the first thing they drummed into our heads -- after "the purpose of a newspaper is to make money" -- was that you used "died" instead of any of the euphemisms.
pangaia
(24,324 posts)LeftInTX
(25,551 posts)malaise
(269,157 posts)It's disgusting. Dead is dead - gone to rot like the rest of our ancestors - fugging dead.
pangaia
(24,324 posts)malaise
(269,157 posts)from we can. If more of us shared that view, we wouldn't take ourselves so seriously because we'd know that we are all dispensable
HipChick
(25,485 posts)malaise
(269,157 posts)Just saying
pangaia
(24,324 posts)HipChick
(25,485 posts)malaise
(269,157 posts)On more than a few occasions, I've been tempted to ask them to open the casket to see if it's the same person I knew.
HipChick
(25,485 posts)and the family described the deceased as a "World Traveller"...we all looked around at each in disbelief as we knew that this woman never travelled like a 100yards from her backyard, except to meddle in other people business...
malaise
(269,157 posts)brush
(53,843 posts)a loved one to say he/she died. It's painful. Passed or passed away is a little more soothing and doesn't bring back the pain as much.
I have experienced that pain and don't understand at all why an attempt at easing it bothers anyone.
malaise
(269,157 posts)We have all had someone die. We are born and we die. There is no life without death. I see no reasons to accept only softened words. That said everyone can do what they want.
The nicest death announcement I ever saw was that of a columnist who wrote it himself when he knew he was dying.
Name died reluctantly. I loved it.
brush
(53,843 posts)Mariana
(14,860 posts)Love it.
Mariana
(14,860 posts)There's potential for confusion there, I think. Isn't it better to be clear and precise?
malaise
(269,157 posts)'made the transition' - they mean from earth to heaven, but we know it's life to death.
SCantiGOP
(13,873 posts)When my youngest started school a neighbor was asking if a certain teacher was still there. She described the teacher as being stout, but my daughter said, No, shes really fat.
At least the lady hasnt passed so she was with Jesus in the great beyond.
highplainsdem
(49,034 posts)the people using them know very well that they're referring to death.
The doctor who wrote that book sounds to me like a bully who knew exactly what that nurse was saying, and knew the nurse knew it, but couldn't resist ridiculing her (including with that stupidly contemptuous "East Cornpone" comment, which IMO disqualified that doctor from teaching; we've had a nursing shortage for a long time and ridiculing new nurses like that, showing prejudice against what you think is their origin, does not help).
Aristus
(66,462 posts)I can understand the doctor's point of view, though. She may have been thinking: "What other euphemisms of hers am I going to have to decipher in the course of a medical workday? How much is this going to gum up the works or slow us down?"
Ilsa
(61,698 posts)"passed what?" etc, the doctor should have simply asked her, "do you mean the patient died?" When the nurse answers yes, then the dr should have told her you she needs to be specific when giving report. There was no need for the nasty attitude to get her point across.
Blue_Roses
(12,894 posts)Belittling isn't the answer.
mitch96
(13,924 posts)No, a self aggrandizing prick... I've worked with many like that.. Back in the day while doing an ICU patient in my CT scanner, I asked the nursing supervisor how another patient was doing.. She said he had a "unfortunate out come" Knowing full well what she meant, I questioned her. She whispered "he died".. So very loudly I said, why didn't you say he died??? Dead is dead and it's the ultimate "outcome" of life... jeeze... Always with a new way of stating the obvious..
Pet peeve... Like something is not old, it's a "legacy" item... The military is classic with this... A "Hi impact fixation device"..... aka a hammer.. or a "rapid disassembly due to a sudden decrease in velocity"..... aka a crash...
m
LeftInTX
(25,551 posts)Pass is not one of them...and if she wrote it in a chart, it would not be acceptable. Her charge nurse should call her out if she is using these types of terms in a medical record. The medical record is a legal document. "Passed" in medical terms usually means to poop or pee or fart.
RhodeIslandOne
(5,042 posts)Doctor sounds like a dick.
Spider Jerusalem
(21,786 posts)I've lived in the UK for a decade; the news here, when someone well-known dies, says "died". They don't say they "passed", or "passed away". Maybe it has something to do with the USA's weird (for a Western country) religiosity.
Mariana
(14,860 posts)The overwhelming majority of Christians, of course, believe that their Christianity gives them eternal life. So, they may consider it offensive and disrespectful to their beliefs to hear someone say that a Christian has died.
zipplewrath
(16,646 posts)It is a sensitivity (a very old one) to those who believe that the dearly departed have not died, but live on. In these modern times that can be just about anything from heaven to Sto'Vo'Kor.
pangaia
(24,324 posts)Passed? Passed where? into 4th grade?
i know, that's too simplistic..
lastlib
(23,286 posts)sl8
(13,880 posts)Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
Owner: No no! 'E's pining!
Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
...
SharonClark
(10,014 posts)Obits written by funeral directors, ministers, or family members often use 'pass' in some form.
I've noticed some UK obits also avoid DIED and just list "name on date" or "name peacefully/unexpectedly on date".
LeftInTX
(25,551 posts)It seems to be almost non-religious
People will say "safe passage"....with no destination
Religious obituaries often say, "Went to be with his heavenly father".
I remember first hearing "passed" on psychic shows......
SteveMO
(24 posts)And gives those grieving a sense that your loved one will be somewhere else instead of dying.
malaise
(269,157 posts)I think it's arrogance to believe we are anymore immortal than our dead ancestors.
Dead is dead.
SteveMO
(24 posts)Last time I checked.
But in scientific terms not alive is dead -not passed on or in transition. We live and then we die. That is a statement of fact.
malaise
(269,157 posts)It's as if people are terrified to say someone died when the only absolute guarantee from birth is death.
NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)... even though the person (or pet) is still D-E-A-D (DEAD!) using softer euphemisms make it easier to talk about without becoming emotional, while coming to terms with their loss.
I can easily see how many would want to avoid using abrupt, cold and clinical terminology. And in their minds, the words they use for "dead" may just be a way to show loving respect.
Everyone deals with death differently. In that regard, to-each-their-own. I'm not going to judge someone for using euphemisms and synonyms when discussing a difficult and sad subject.
Laffy Kat
(16,386 posts)That sounds nice. Who wouldn't want to go to the rainbow bridge?
Blue_Roses
(12,894 posts)Donkees
(31,453 posts)and offer some comfort to the bereaved.
Rhiannon12866
(205,995 posts)I've written them for the papers myself, most recently for my grandmother and my mother.
Donkees
(31,453 posts)Rhiannon12866
(205,995 posts)And the entire point is to honor a life - which is important to anyone who's experiencing the loss.
kcr
(15,320 posts)Is that something new? What's this stuff about "sad", and "crying" while we're at it? Is it those darn millennials again? They're ruining everything with all this new stuff.
theaocp
(4,244 posts)While I dont think its a problem, personally, I like the humor of replacing it with expired, like a magazine subscription. Im not advocating people use that term, but it always brings a smile to me when I have to think about mortality.
Aristus
(66,462 posts)n/t
procon
(15,805 posts)I prefer the straight, died.
Aristus
(66,462 posts)I don't think there's anything heretical in the notion that the earthly body dies a permanent death, even if the soul lives on.
pangaia
(24,324 posts)really--
It is a serious question, although an answer isn't necessary. Just something to think about.
procon
(15,805 posts)Instead of the christian notion that the holy trinity dwells in souls that becomes eternal supernatural entities, maybe there's a substitute in the human psyche. The tripartite connections of the id, ego and superego shapes our character, but doesn't linger after we die.
Garrett78
(10,721 posts)...it's ingrained and because it's seen as more polite or sensitive.
Mariana
(14,860 posts)My dumbass sister in law is forever posting all over social media how happy he is in heaven and describes all the fun things he's doing there. That's creepy as hell.
I had to call and inform all the various government and corporate entities that need to know when someone dies. I discovered that some people are seriously rattled when they hear the words, "he died" even if they never even met the person. I felt it necessary to say he "passed away" because these complete strangers were getting upset if I said, "He died."
Garrett78
(10,721 posts)RobinA
(9,894 posts)experience when my father "went home to be in the arms of the Lord" My family is pretty much a "he died" bunch of people and that's the way we talked amongst ourselves. We also are not at all religious. However, when telling other people and agencies about my father's death, particularly people I didn't know well, I found myself saying "passed away." I don't know why. It just seemed polite. Or something.
Mariana
(14,860 posts)You instinctively knew what it took me a couple of phone calls to figure out - many people, even complete strangers, will judge you harshly if you don't pretend that the dead person isn't really dead.
I'm sorry about your father.
Le Gaucher
(1,547 posts)I heard the following...
So and so has left his Mortal coil.
Xyz left her body
...
I prefer "breathed his/her last". Simple. Honest. Not as harsh as "Died".
Hassin Bin Sober
(26,337 posts)I was tempted to call back and ask if I could add quarters to the meter.
The most disturbing aspect is I own a construction company.
(My number is very close to a clinic)
MontanaMama
(23,337 posts)I can relate. My land line is one number off from the local cancer treatment center. I get all kinds of calls at all hours. When patients leave voicemails, I always call the office to relay them because, well...because.
Hassin Bin Sober
(26,337 posts)An elderly lady called to say her son went for his prescriptions and they filled the ibuprofen but not the amoxicillin and now his face is all swollen.
I called back to tell him to get to the ER. I know two people who almost died from tooth abscesses. I didnt want them waiting for a call back that was never coming.
I was tempted to call back the lady inquiring if I removed gall stones. I wanted to tell her I only install.
Rorey
(8,445 posts)lastlib
(23,286 posts)or grocery coupons.....
Peachhead22
(1,078 posts)Sorry if some see it as a "cutesy euphemism", but for a while after my dad passed (15 years ago) it was quite a gut punch whenever someone simply said he "died". Yeah, it's a bit silly, but that was how I felt. And since then I try to give loved ones of someone else, no matter who it is, the same courtesy. It's as much for me as it is for them. I'm a big believer in karma.
Rorey
(8,445 posts)I grew up hearing "passed away", but somewhere along the way I started saying "died". I've never considered that it might be offensive to some people.
Aristus
(66,462 posts)professional to another. The manner in which we talk to the dead patient's loved ones is a different story.
If I've diagnosed a patient with peptic ulcer disease, that's the term I use with the patient and my colleagues. Not something like: "Gottums widdle pain in oo tummy?"
Rorey
(8,445 posts)the more I'm getting to be just like my mom. She was matter-of-fact about everything. I remember when I was a kid a new funeral home opened up in town and had an open house. She went and gave us the full report when she got home, including details that I'm sure weren't part of the tour. I'm betting she asked a lot of questions, and some were no doubt uncomfortable for others.
When she got sick and apparently sensed that she was dying, her way of putting it was. "We've reached our life expectancy." She and my dad really weren't so old - very early seventies. I guess that was the gentlest way she could think of to say, "We're dying."
RobinA
(9,894 posts)we should use the accepted terminology of the people we are talking to within reason. If everybody says "passed" and it doesn't mean something you can't endorse, say "passed." I will never say anything to the effect of meeting again someday, since it is not my belief. But if you are talking to people who prefer terms more watered down, go for it. They are the ones in their hour of grief, so meet them where they are.
Rorey
(8,445 posts)I'm mortified if I find out that I've offended someone unintentionally, and I certainly would never want to be anything but helpful in someone's time of grief.
A few months after my previous husband died (at the age of 38, and definitely not expected), I ran into someone that I knew while grocery shopping. I hadn't seen her for quite some time, so at some point I asked her if she heard that he had died. She said, simply, "yes" and continued on with another topic. Now THAT hurt. No condolences of any kind. I never expected for anyone to go on and on about it, but her brevity felt callous at the time. Since then I've excused it as a matter of her probably not knowing what to say, or perhaps thinking that she might be causing me pain if she mentioned it. I learned a lot from that interaction.
I'd like to think that I'm a person who has a lot of empathy toward others. I just never really put any thought into how the word "died" could be more painful for someone to hear. I definitely will from this point forward.
"Meet them where they are" is a great way to put it. Thanks.
GWC58
(2,678 posts)mother died. I lost my political cohort. She hated Trump as I do. I miss her dearly! Passed, passed on, passed away, died. Its all the same and, to me, hurts just as bad!😢
Lars39
(26,116 posts)Lars & Peachhead for your kind condolences.😶
Lars39
(26,116 posts)I consider all of you my distant, Democratic friends. 👍🏻😀
Peachhead22
(1,078 posts)eom
backtoblue
(11,345 posts)I've written thousands of obituaries. About half say "died" and the others say "passed away, went to be with the Lord, etc." We also don't add the cause of death publicly or on tombstones anymore.
In my opinion, refusing to use the words "died, or death" extends the grieving process and prolongs denial.
However, people need to be able to grieve at their own pace. As a coroner, I would use the word "died". While talking to families at the funeral home, I would use whatever euphemism needed to take the sting out of their pain. If a mother prefers to say her son "passed away", that would be the words I would use as well.
I think the main distinction of the various terminology is how it's used between colleagues on a professional level, and how it is used when talking directly with the grieving family.
MineralMan
(146,329 posts)refer to their loss, instead, or to their grief. They need no reminders of what has occurred. They already know the fact.
If they want to use other words, I have no problem whatever with that. I can find many ways to refer to their grief that don't even mention the actual death. There's no need to remind them.
It's complicated, really. People have different beliefs with regard to death. I'm able to accommodate any of those beliefs in others.
I've met people who insist in using the words "died" and "dead" when speaking about someone's loss of life. Such people seem to think it's important to use the word, for some reason. Sometimes, it's even done in a hurtful way, knowing that those words make the pain more sharp for their listeners. Why would someone do that? Very rarely is the actual event needed to be mentioned. Expressing sympathy and concern does not require a direct reference to it.
backtoblue
(11,345 posts)MineralMan
(146,329 posts)I saw your edits.
Oneironaut
(5,524 posts)I live in one of the oldest parts of this country. Nearby, theres a graveyard with pre-Revolutionary War headstones. The ones that are still readable are interesting. One mentions that the person died after falling off a horse. Many have long, odd statements or poems.
gtar100
(4,192 posts)Being pulled back into the Earth by gravity with no ability to resist. And for good measure, you just might be given a six foot head start.
Rorey
(8,445 posts)That's brilliant. I might have to print that out and keep it handy.
SharonClark
(10,014 posts)They had sex. Just say it.
Rorey
(8,445 posts)Yeah, just say it. I'm also a bit annoyed when someone calls it "making love", when it's "just sex".
bronxiteforever
(9,287 posts)E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!!
oasis
(49,407 posts)highplainsdem
(49,034 posts)bronxiteforever
(9,287 posts)peekaloo
(22,977 posts)bronxiteforever
(9,287 posts)ismnotwasm
(42,008 posts)In working in transplant, when people are waiting for an actual death to save their own, I think we have learned to be blunt without being assholes. It can often segue in a discussion on what an incredible gift the dying person, or their family, is giving
Now personally I didnt like my father much. I usually refer to him as Fucking dead, but I dont do this in front of my mother, then I say things like when dad was alive..
I dunno. In healthcare we are used to death, but I try to be culturally sensitive. I dont care if people are religious (I care if the government tries to be)
People who are grieving need a little time sometimes. Im willing to let them have it.
GoCubsGo
(32,088 posts)It strikes me that those who utter euphemisms are insinuating that, in dying, the deceased did something offensive. It's akin to using "one of those people" to describe someone who belongs to a group or class of people one finds offensive, for whatever reason.
Ilsa
(61,698 posts)or even scientific, like passing on his energy, or the consevation of energy: "According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you're just less orderly. Amen. --- Aaron Freeman"
Hekate
(90,793 posts)DFW
(54,436 posts)Some 50 years ago, MAD did a satire on a doctor series (Dr. Kildare?), and he always got everything wrong in the MAD version. When some patient died, he said the patient had "perspired."
Rorey
(8,445 posts)I'm going to just say I'm going to rest. In honor of you.
I've always thought it was an odd thing to call it too.
RobinA
(9,894 posts)for the first time, I discovered that asking where the "rest room" was got a blank stare. (I suspect a bit of a put on, surely enough Americans visit London for Londoners to have become familiar with the American rest room.) Anyway, they want you to say "tiolet," which frankly I find a bit graphic to be blurting out in a nice restaurant. I could go water closet without a problem, but "toilet," just no.
In fact, rest rooms were at one time just that, particularly out in public. At least for women. An old rest room, particularly at the theater, had ample space to visit, lounge, and refresh oneself between acts. That was before every inch of space in a public building had to be "revenue producing."
DFW
(54,436 posts)Spain is kind of a holdout with its "aseos," but from France to Scandinavia to Poland to Switzerland to the British Isles, it's "toilets" in one form or another. No one here in Europe (I just got back an hour ago) gives it a second thought.
Siwsan
(26,289 posts)If they are talking about a friend or family member, I can't begrudge them that emotional cushion. I've read obituaries that state things like the deceased "Went home to be with their Lord and Savior." Not something I'd ever say but it's what they believe, and it gives them comfort at a horrible time in their life.
Died, passed away, expired, or floated away on a rainbow colored unicorn - it's all the same.
nolabear
(41,991 posts)The euphemisms are comforting to those mourning, and respectful of the mystery of the life and death of the person, the spark that was loved and will be missed. Its also respectful of the feelings of those who care and are grieving.
The doctor might have been correct but he was correct at the sacrifice of compassion for the nurse.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)"passed away" just seems like a kinder, gentler term to use when one is speaking to grieving loved ones. "Dead" just seems so blunt.
gibraltar72
(7,511 posts)People have all kinds of words they'd rather use than death or die. Almost everyone bought life insurance in case "something happened to them".
Rorey
(8,445 posts)It doesn't ensure that you're going to live.
Upon further reflection, we have car insurance in order to make ourselves whole, or pay damages, in case of some calamity. Life insurance doesn't make us whole.
I'm kinda bothered now because my husband no longer has life insurance, and I do. We haven't been getting along very well for awhile. Kinda scary.
gibraltar72
(7,511 posts)Long answer it insures value of a life. No it can't replace but it can pay off the mortgage, provide dignity. When something "happens to you". I've seen how it can work and am saddened when people I know have a plea for cash in obit to help pay funeral expense. They weren't beggars in life why "when something happens to them?
PoindexterOglethorpe
(25,895 posts)to report their animal has "Crossed the rainbow bridge?"
I find that very odd.
Passed away, or just passed doesn't bother me, because I know exactly what is meant.
Died works also.,
highplainsdem
(49,034 posts)Voltaire2
(13,154 posts)It is one of the many idiotic delights here.
sarah FAILIN
(2,857 posts)"Went to be with the Lord " or "is walking with Jesus" are my 2 pet peeves in this area.
Saying someone passed on leaves it more open to what happens after death and is kinder to the family left behind.
lillypaddle
(9,581 posts)MagickMuffin
(15,952 posts)As a Rosicrucian student this is how we view death.
Transition: This term is generally used to indicate the condition called death, but since there is no death in natural law, any more than there is in the spiritual or so called supernatural, the term is not only erroneous, but absolutely contradictory.
The great change that takes place at the time of death is supposed to occur is, after all, a mere transition and transposition of the various component parts which when united constitute a living human being or a living entity of conscious matter. This transition consists of separation of the dual parts of man (soul & body) and also changes the constructive processes of the physical body which have been holding together, to some degree, the material elements composing it, permitting a new condition to exist whereby these elements begin to separate and return to their primary form of living matter. Therefore, it is truly a transition with no indication of death to any former physical and spiritual expression.
Rosicruian Manual
SeattleVet
(5,479 posts)I went back to NY for the funeral. The next day I stopped by my old workplace and was talking with someone when another woman saw me and casually asked what I was doing there, since she knew I'd moved to Seattle several years before.
I said, "We buried my father yesterday."
When she said, "Oh, I'm so sorry", I said, "Well, we sort of had to...he died!"
The look on her face was priceless!
dameatball
(7,399 posts)gulliver
(13,193 posts)Died is technically correct, but it is presumptuous for a number of reasons, including that people "inter-are" to a large extent. McCain's not really dead except in one technical sense. Of course.
I say died.
muriel_volestrangler
(101,361 posts)You can find them in Shakespeare, Chaucer and earlier.
Aristus
(66,462 posts)I'm not saying charge nurses can't be. But it's best to save it for off-duty hours.
planetc
(7,833 posts)And when they've died, it doesn't matter much what term is used when people speak to you. But the situation is different when you're conveying this news to people who were complete strangers to your mother. A few days ago, somebody called, using a sales script, for my mother. I said she had passed several years ago, and the shock in their tone of voice was real.
In those situations, what you want is for such phone salespeople to cross your mother off the list of targets, but you don't need to make them feel like ghouls to do that. You just need to convey the information that your mom is really no longer interested in whatever they're selling. All social situations are ... social. In general, I find it's bad policy to make complete strangers feel awful. In those situations, "passed" or "passed on" are perfectly clear, but not brutal.
When you've been prepared for years for the news that your family member is not going to rally and outlive us all, any term at all is acceptable. When you're just trying to get through a morning's work, and a complete stranger has died, I say kindness is never wasted.
ailsagirl
(22,899 posts)and they always used the expression "passed away."
So I grew up with it and it's 100% natural to me.
When I hear so-and-so has passed, it sounds incomplete. Passed? Like passed me on the street?
Language is fascinating!
Jake Stern
(3,145 posts)Insisted on explaining a condition using medical jargon instead of layman's terms. Really pissed me off. I shouldn't have to ask a physician repeatedly to translate the mumbo jumbo.
If I have butt pimples, tell me I have butt pimples instead of telling me I have acute tuchas pimplitis verigrossa.
LeftInTX
(25,551 posts)A death in a medical facility is a legal event. The term "passed" should not be used as it means other things medically.
Although this term was used orally, legally their could be problems if the term "passed" is used in a chart or medical record.
What if there was a lawsuit and the chart says "Patient passed at 3:00 AM"? A lawyer could claim all sorts of incompetence. Such as not actually verifying that a patient had died or expired. "Expired" is the correct legal term.
Mariana
(14,860 posts)LeftInTX
(25,551 posts)Didn't see too much of it cuz I worked with babies. Usually in medical charts, I would see, "expired".
Also "cause of death" is a legal term.
Kaleva
(36,341 posts)Hermit-The-Prog
(33,414 posts)It's a terrible responsibility that should be faced without self-deceptive euphemisms such as "put to sleep". IMO, of course, and in my case.
My own obituary should simply say, "He's now fertilizer for the trees". (Assuming those ingrate brats remember to toss an acorn and a walnut in my box before covering it with dirt).
raccoon
(31,119 posts)Initech
(100,102 posts)I went to a funeral two years ago, and the person who died belonged to some new age hipster church, and when they were officiating the ceremony, they said that he didn't die, he "transitioned to the spiritual realm". Needless to say that one ranked about a 9 out of 10 on my WTF-o-meter.
Aristus
(66,462 posts)The truth is, I'm a notoriously sentimental person. I cry when the Grinch's heart grows three sizes, for example.
But when I die, if someone puts in my obituary that I have 'Gone Fishin'!', I'm going to come back and haunt them in a manner that will make Poltergeist look like a Barbara Walters Special.
if you currently fish, stop. If you don't fish, don't start!
fescuerescue
(4,448 posts)Always appreciate it when someone corrects their use of the English language.
Plus, it makes the person making the correction appear to be very intelligent and caring.
Aristus
(66,462 posts)It was between two medical professionals, one of whom used a euphemism instead of a clinical term.
fescuerescue
(4,448 posts)didn't understand the language that their patients use.
Maybe medical schools should have English courses so that they can understand this strange species that they treat.
I'll ask my wife about this this morning after shes finishes her shift as an RN at emergency room how she copes with talking to humans.
Aristus
(66,462 posts)"The patient sustained a laceration of the left fifth phalanx" is more clinically appropriate, for example, than: "He gottums a owie on his lil pinky-poo."
fescuerescue
(4,448 posts)But I think "passed" exists well within common language and between the your two extreme examples.
"pass" is even in the webster dictionary.
Equinox Moon
(6,344 posts)StarryNite
(9,460 posts)kimbutgar
(21,188 posts)I was with my mother when she passed and I felt her spirit pass though me when she died. It was an experience I will never forget. I felt so much peace when she went on to the other side.
StarryNite
(9,460 posts)I had a similar experience after my mom died.
Rob H.
(5,352 posts)oberliner
(58,724 posts)WheelWalker
(8,956 posts)backtoblue
(11,345 posts)Patch (Robin Williams) was trying to help a suffering pancreatic cancer patient come to terms with his eventual death.
"To push up daisies. To bite the dust. To kick the bucket, etc"
The patient eventually starts making his own euphemisms and laughs, turning from the bitter dying man to a light-hearted man content with his fate.
One of my favorite movies.
MBS
(9,688 posts)And "passed" is the worst of all.
WillowTree
(5,325 posts)When someone has suffered a loss, I'm fine with them describing it in whatever way causes them the least additional grief.
llmart
(15,552 posts)I will no longer go to a funeral and say to the grieving family, "I am so sorry he kicked the bucket."
Just kidding. I prefer to use the word "died". I'm not religious so passed away or passed on or went to be with his heavenly father, blah, blah, just wouldn't sound right coming out of my mouth.
sl8
(13,880 posts)Aristus
(66,462 posts)lastlib
(23,286 posts)Crunchy Frog
(26,630 posts)Jane Austin
(9,199 posts)When people say "passed" I want to say, "passed what? Go? Gas? A stone?
I'm with you.
What's wrong with died?
Raine
(30,540 posts)it really isn't anything new. I've heard both died, passed away etc used through out my life and I'm no spring chicken.
area51
(11,920 posts)Mike Nelson
(9,966 posts)
had Jimmy Durante "kick the bucket" before he expired, so I like "kicked the bucket" best.
Seriously, I have no problem with "passed on" or "passed away". I use them. To me, they mean died. You could say any living thing died... I would not say a tree or a wasp "passed away".
"Gone to be with the Lord/Jesus" is different, to me; it's explicitly religious, and tells me something about the deceased's faith. I would not use it unless I was sure of the deceased's religious belief.
Some in my great-grandparents' generation used "expired" for died. Maybe that came from a medical term? I saw it in journals and letters.
Language continues to grow and change... "passed" is dropping the "away" and "on"... but that word alone bothers me. That's when I say, "Passed what?" Passed the bar? Passed a kidney stone?
LeftInTX
(25,551 posts)It is funny to hear the term used outside a clinical setting. Never knew anyone used it outside of a clinical setting. (Were they medical professionals?) My grandmother barely English, so she just said, "Died".
She used the term "Pass water" for peeing. Considering that she had starved and had been in a genocide as a child, I found that saying kinda strange as I'm sure she didn't pass anything that resembled water for months or probably years. I'm surprised she didn't say, "pass the maple the syrup"
stopbush
(24,396 posts)you wont be around to care whether or not people say youve passed away.
RhodeIslandOne
(5,042 posts)Except when its someone getting murdered or dying in car accident. Thats not peaceful.
LanternWaste
(37,748 posts)Get on board the "One Word, One Meaning" wagon. It's literal, efficient and remorseless. And rarely feeds peeves.
NCTraveler
(30,481 posts)"The new nurse, who hailed from someplace in the deep South, announced that one of their patients "had passed."
Dr. should have been able to figure that one out without issue.
MicaelS
(8,747 posts)I am 60 years old, and have heard it since I was a child.
woodsprite
(11,924 posts)I had never heard that term before. She was an older woman, possible older than my mother, so not sure if it was an old term or if she was maybe of the Mormon faith.
leftyladyfrommo
(18,870 posts)black neighborhood.
When one of my customers died his wife called to tell me that Old Chester had stepped on board the Glory Train.
I have always loved that.
Oneironaut
(5,524 posts)Thats what I think, anyways. Nobody wants to talk about, think about, or acknowledge death. We hate it so much, we created entire religions to delude ourselves that we will never die.
Hence, we try to spruce it up a bit. A person isnt dead - they passed on. The terms are meant to remove the fangs death has in our psyche.
LeftInTX
(25,551 posts)Called an older couple and asked to speak to the Mr "Jones". The wife replied, "He is no more".
Jamaal510
(10,893 posts)ailsagirl
(22,899 posts)I'd much rather hear that than "died"
Aristus
(66,462 posts)If anything ever happens to me, and they announce it, they will say he died.
If its about me, its okay to say the same.
(Where did you find this thread? I figured it had been archived ages ago...)
ailsagirl
(22,899 posts)Just stumbled across it.
Or when I doctor tells a loved one, "He/she didn't make it" is much preferable to, "He/she died"
That's just me-- there is no right or wrong, just personal preference