Breaking News You'll Never See: "Pope Disbands Roman Catholic Church!"

[MineralMan]

Citing Child Sex Abuse Epidemic, Pope Francis Shuts Down Entire Church Hierarchy!
Vatican City, Rome

In an announcement that rocked the entire globe, the Roman Catholic Pontiff today announced the end of the Roman Catholic Church worldwide. Speaking from a balcony to a crowd of worshippers, he said: "We have failed utterly to act as Jesus taught us. Our priests have committed sexual abuse crimes against children all over the world, and the Church itself has covered up those crimes for centuries. We cannot call ourselves 'Men of god,' for we have long acted as representatives of Satan in this."

The Holy Father continued, "All Priests, Bishops, Archbishops and Cardinals are summarily fired, effective immediately. All assets of the Roman Catholic Church will be sold at auctions, which will take place at every church, cathedral and office, worldwide. Proceeds of the auctions will be distributed to victims and families of victims. We have extensive lists going back centuries of such victims and will work tirelessly to provide some financial compensation for the horrendous acts we have perpetrated. That will never be compensation enough, we understand. The Roman Catholic Church is no more. It is hopelessly morally bankrupt and is now defunct. We encourage the faithful to worship in other churches, if they choose, or to simply abandon their faith, as I have done today."

Note: Yes, folks, this is satire, just in case you couldn't tell. It did not happen, and will not happen. It is, however, worth asking yourself whether it should happen. I believe so.

[SHRED]

1. Imagine any other group or club

Take religion and god out of the equation and how long would that club last?

[stopbush]

8. Bingo! At what point do we examine what it is about Christianity

that leads to these kind of crimes?

[PoorMonger]

26. Don't know that it's Christianity per se

It’s more the air of secrecy and protection that the church as an institution provides.

What I mean is that these messed up people would flock to any environment where they felt they could escape detection and consequence.

I don’t actually believe that the sickos care anything for the teachings or doctrine aside from the fact that it insulates them and gives effective cover.

[stopbush]

33. Why make excuses for Christianity?

Plenty of human endeavors are cloaked in some level of secrecy. Yet child abuse is somehow not an issue.

The problem with Christianity is that it is based on make believe, and a make believe that comes with a “get out of jail free” card that says that no matter how rotten or evil you are as a human being, all you need say is you believe in Jeebus and all your sins are forgiven.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

35. Club

[Iggo]

40. They're still playing football at Penn State. (n/t)

[malaise]

2. It's a very sick institution

Great satire - wish it were true

[MineralMan]

5. Momentum Will Prevent It.

The long, long train of religion is unstoppable.

[dalton99a]

3. Organized religion is inherently corrupt

It's humans bullshitting each other over bullshit for money and power

[ADX]

4. While the Catholic church is certainly in need of reform...

...I see no reason why it should be totally disbanded.

[MineralMan]

6. If it has not been reformed in almost 20 centuries, it will not be reformed.

Not a chance.

[ADX]

12. Yeah, they're still torturing and executing non-believers...

...just like they did during the Inquisition and they're still burning people at the stake. Oh, wait...

[Act_of_Reparation]

23. So you think it was the Church's decision to stop burning heretics?

Interesting.

Because it was secular government consolidating power and relieving the clergy of their civil authority that put an end to that bullshit. Not reform from within the church.

[ADX]

24. So you think the Church would still be cool with the burning of heretics today if it could?...

...Because if not, then I'd say they've reformed themselves, at least in that regard.

[Act_of_Reparation]

25. You're talking about an organization that actively performs exorcisms.

So the answer is yes. I believe it entirely within the realm of possibility some within the Church would be perfectly fine with setting people on fire. And if not, it would only a take a generation of being in power before they'd find a way to be cool with it again.

And no, I wouldn't say they reformed themselves. I'd say they were reformed. By secular society. To a degree.

[dalton99a]

7. I believe the U.S. Catholic Church is already in serious decline because of the lack of priests

The church has been importing foreign priests from other continents on worker visas

[hunter]

29. Alas, some of those leaving the Catholic Church...

... are joining prosperity gospel and anti-intellectual wackadoodle Protestant churches, I guess because Catholicism wasn't crazy or mean enough for them.

[exboyfil]

9. What you have to love is moving assets

to ensure that judgments are not being paid. Real rendering unto Caesar there.

https://mediatbankry.com/2016/05/05/dont-let-this-happen-to-you-milwaukee-archdiocese-bankruptcy-part-three-the-in-court-slugfest/

[wasupaloopa]

10. The Catholic Church as an institution does not

molest children.

Yes there is a terrible history of child molestation in the church. No the church is not soley a group of child molesters.

[ADX]

11. Well-said...

[Cartoonist]

14. Part molester, part enabler

Who's left?

[wasupaloopa]

19. So what is the membership of the church including

it’s leadership. Subtract from that number the criminals and that’s what is left. The majority is left.

[Cartoonist]

21. The majority is complicit

As long as they remain silent.

[edhopper]

22. The membership is not the Church

the clergy is. The membership is the flock, to be shepherd.

[Voltaire2]

32. You seem ignorant of the fact that the RCC

is a hierarchical authoritarian institution. It is not simply “all Catholics”. The church institution, the RCC, and its officials, are the problem.

[edhopper]

16. The Catholic Church

as an institution and to it's very highest leadership, enables and covers up child rape.

That is their crime.

[wasupaloopa]

18. Some members of an institution do not make up

the institution.

There are many more members who were not involved in coverups or molestations. They are the majority.

Your statement is false

[edhopper]

20. No

The majority of the Catholic hierarchy was involved in the cover up.

Wake up.

[zot hubzilla]

37. how do you know this?

[marble falls]

39. Jebus told him.

[Voltaire2]

27. Yes it does.

As an institution it enables and covers up child abuse and when exposed it does it’s damnedest to avoid punishment for its high ranking officials.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

38. It enables the molestation, duh. Shuffles priests among parishes, sweeps under rug, etc. . . nt

[fescuerescue]

13. I think that Putin should disband Russia too

I know it won't happen, but I think it's worth asking if it should happen.

[edhopper]

17. The Russian government should be replaced

Not the country.

What was your point?

[AlexSFCA]

15. Roman Catholic Church is a criminal organization

involved in massive systematic child molestation and child rape felonies. First Amendment does not protect any of this. Time to shut it down its operations in the US, state by state. To date, it has paid billions to shut victims up in the US alone, and not a dime in taxes.

[Hortensis]

28. I believe I heard that only 2 of these crimes have been

uncovered in the U.S. in the past 10 years.

The church's past behaviors are beyond despicable, but in the U.S. they are already pretty much a thing of the past. And that is something those whose outrage signals great caring should be very aware of.

Back in the 1980s the old, wonderful 60 Minutes very heroically took on the giant Catholic Church and blew this wide open, including describing how its central organization meant that the Vatican decided that most of these criminals remain in ministerial positions, just moved to new locations where they were unknown, and often where the victim pool was poor and isolated. The Four Corners area was revealed as a major destination.

Now, that was long before the internet (key!), but it was a top hit show that was watched in most households across the the nation. How many who saw it raised hell then? How many who watched it ever heard about it after? How many decades did these atrocities continue after this episode notified the entire nation that it was occurring?

[Boomerproud]

30. They don't know the difference between a sin and a crime?

Looks like the hierarchy is acting exactly like institutions act when caught in covering up crimes.

[SHRED]

31. Check this out

Link to tweet

[Bernardo de La Paz]

34. Never known an organized crime mob to disband unilaterally. . . . nt

[bitterross]

36. That would be a dream come true.

The largest, most corrupt religious organization going out of business would be fantastic.

It is an organization built upon lies, by power-hungry men. Which means it and the GOP have a lot in common.

Unfortunately, I don't see either going away any time soon.