Here's the Republican response to the release of tapes with Trump using the n-word (original parody)

[oberliner]

Sarah Sanders:

The president expressed to me that the tape does not reflect his actual views on the subject of race. As he has said numerous times, he is, in fact, the least racist person ever to become president. I would remind all of you that under President Trump's leadership, the black unemployment rate is the lowest it's been in history, which you all never seem to report.

Paul Ryan:

Look, the language that was used on these tapes is absolutely unacceptable, and I've spoken to the president and expressed my feelings on that matter. That being said, my focus is working with Congress and getting legislation passed that will cut taxes, end regulations, and keep the economy growing. We've got to move past these partisan arguments and get working on doing what's best for the country.

Mitch McConnell:

I haven't heard these tapes and I can't comment on them because I'm simply not aware of what was said by the president or anyone else for that matter.

Sean Hannity:

OK, first of all, we know that Bill Clinton, Rahm Emmanuel, and all the other Clinton cronies used much worse language than this on a regular basis. So that's number one. Number two, this tape is obviously just an attempt by desperate, pathetic Democrats who will say and do anything to malign this president and, quite frankly, demonize him in a way that is just completely despicable. Why isn't CNN and MSNBC playing the tapes of Jeremiah Wright? Democrats didn't seem at all bothered by his vile hatred. It's a total double standard and I'm just totally fed up with it.

(Note that this is me attempting to write what I think they would say in their style)

[RockRaven]

1. Don't forget Trump himself, who will claim it isn't even really him on the tape...

but only after he spends a few weeks claiming it's just board-room talk

[lindysalsagal]

3. It was "David Dennison."

[oberliner]

5. He would do one "kidnap victim" response that Stephen Miller writes for him

Trump, Version 1:

I am speaking to you this evening because a recording has been released which appears to contain audio of me using racially insensitive language. These tapes do not reflect what is truly in my heart. I am a man who loves and respects all people of all races, and I have lived my life with the philosophy that all people, all people, very important, all people are created equal. It is my sincere hope that my administration can bring people together, that's together, gotta do it folks, bring people together, and I will continue to ensure that we are making America strong again, making America fair again, and making America great again. Thank you.

Then a day or two later, he would do his actual thoughts on it.

Trump, Version 2:

Look, so supposedly there is this tape - I don't even know - to be honest, it doesn't sound like me. Could've been anyone. Could've been a lot of people. But you have the fake, disgusting news media. Those people out there. Look at them. Real beauties. And they go on tv every day and it's "Trump is a racist" "Trump is this" "Trump is that" - I'm not a racist folks. Ok? I'm just not. Maybe - you know what - maybe the reason they're saying I'm a racist, is because maybe a lot of them are racist. What about that? Why is no one asking for tapes of Jake Tapper or Anderson Cooper? I'd love to hear what these guys are saying when nobody's watching.

[jcgoldie]

2. You forgot...

Donald Trump: I never said the N-word, those tapes are all fake news put out by the media that hates America. Oh and really its Hillary that used the N-word over and over again. Just look at the 33,000 emails that are never mentioned by the 17 angry democrats... don't believe what you hear... stay tuned!

[oberliner]

6. Check out what I posted above

I took a crack at Trump, Version 1 (trying to read a semi-apology written by someone else for him) and then Trump, Version 2 - speaking off the cuff.

[marylandblue]

4. Deplorable base says, "He tells it like it is."

[oberliner]

7. Or: "These tapes are fakes."

"Total fake news."

[Varaddem]

8. Remind me when was Jeremiah Wright president

It’s not partisan politics Ryan you idiot. It’s called having a racist in the White House

[left-of-center2012]

9. This is not a denial.

"The president expressed to me that the tape does not reflect his actual views on the subject of race."

[oasis]

10. Jeremiah Wright? When did he run for president?

Sean Hannity is even dumber than his audience.

[blogslut]

11. Is Paul Ryan saying he's heards these tapes?

Can you give a link to where he said that?

[oberliner]

12. This was meant to be an attempted parody of what I think they would say

Sorry for not making that clear originally (I've added that now).

[blogslut]

13. oops

[uncle ray]

14. shit, i though ALL of your posts were parody.

[oberliner]

15. Come on - I worked really hard on this

Why not throw me a kind word? Or at least some constructive criticism?

[uncle ray]

16. i thought suggesting you were good at parody WAS being kind.

[oberliner]

23. Fair enough

I'll take the compliment then.

[Laura PourMeADrink]

17. Very funny! How much more can people bend? What

Does he have over them?

[oberliner]

18. Thanks!

Have a go at some other Republicans/RW pundits. Or suggest another one for me to do (I'd be happy to).

[Mr. Ected]

19. Gotta say, I'm impressed

This was worthy of the Onion, or the Horowitz Report.

Their responses are as redundant as NRA's "thoughts and prayers".

[oberliner]

22. Thanks

I really appreciate that!

[brettdale]

20. Odds on the tape actually becoming public

.1%

[oberliner]

21. Maybe a tad higher

But not much.