Pence Calls Space Force Necessary to Protect U.S. from Gay Aliens
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/pence-calls-space-force-necessary-to-protect-us-from-gay-aliens
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)Making a major announcement at the Pentagon on Thursday, Vice-President Mike Pence said that the proposed United States Space Force was necessary to defend the U.S. from gay aliens.
I stand before you today to say that this country is under attack from outer-space gays, Pence told the military gathering. Only Space Force can protect us from their unimaginable evil.
Pence detailed a nightmare scenario in which gay aliens by the thousands land in the U.S. in seemingly cute spacecraft and subvert life in America as we know it.
Lets say, for example, that these gay aliens can assume human form, he said. Whats to stop them from infiltrating normal bakeries and baking cakes for gay weddings?
Ill tell you whats to stop them, he said, pausing for dramatic effect. Space Force.
At the White House, CNNs Jim Acosta asked the press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, how, exactly, Pence had developed his theory about the existence of gay aliens.
No one is more qualified to talk about life on other planets than Mike Pence, Sanders snapped.