Giuliani Makes Case That Pres. Lincoln Assassin Not Guilty

[louis c]

New York (Sarcastic News Agency): Former New York Mayor and former prosecutor Rudolph Giuliani made a case today that John Wilkes Booth was not the assassin of President Abraham Lincoln on April 14, 1865. "Look, I've prosecuted a lot of murders in my day, and no murderer kills anybody in public in that way. It just isn't done. Why would a potential killer commit that crime in front of a few hundred people, in a theater, jump onto the stage and shout 'thus always to tyrants'? It just isn't done. No way. It has been my vast experience in law enforcement that crimes like murder are committed in private, in the dark and in a clandestine way. No way did Mr. Booth commit this act. It just doesn't make any sense."

[torius]

1. And anyway, assassination is not a crime.

[dchill]

4. So it would seem.

Or... wouldn't.

[Grassy Knoll]

2. He Just Jumped The Shark

PS: Rudy Please PM Me, You Got Some Good Shit There Budy!

[marylandblue]

3. And what about General Grant's missing telegrams?

[ProudLib72]

9. JD, if you're listening and you have information on Grant's telegrams...

[dameatball]

5. That still doesn't explain why "many people" say the saw John Wilkes Booth on the grassy knoll

[Kajun Gal]

6. Giuliani and Trump need to head on back to the home.

[deurbano]

7. I wish they'd both "go home"... like in Soylent Green.

[oasis]

8. Lincoln died from John Wilkes Booth's "opinion".