Romney Stuck In Endless Loop Of Uncomfortable Chuckling
PORTSMOUTH, VA—According to increasingly concerned campaign sources, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney entered his 400th consecutive hour of uneasy chuckling Monday, apparently stuck in an endless loop of discomfort and apprehension that so far has shown no sign of abating.
Staffers confirmed Romney’s interminable nervous laughter has prevented him from sleeping, eating, or speaking a word for the past 16 days, leaving him visibly fatigued and haggard. Yet the presumptive GOP nominee has maintained a full schedule of campaign appearances, reportedly attending fundraisers, headlining rallies, and sitting for televised interviews, all while emitting an unending stream of anxious chuckles.
“Mitt will chuckle for 10 to 12 seconds at a time, pause for a moment, and then start right over again from the top,” said campaign manager Matt Rhoades, who explained how the candidate will take the podium in front of veterans groups or high-profile donors and chuckle uncomfortably for his entire allotted speaking time. “You can tell by the desperation on his face and in his body language that he wants nothing more than to stop chuckling, but he can’t. He’s just trapped in this infinite loop.”
“Last night I put my ear to the door of his hotel room after he was in bed, and I could still hear him chuckling in there,” Rhoades continued. “Everyone’s really worried about him.”
Sources reported that the never-ending cycle of chuckling was triggered at a July 20 town hall event in Dayton, OH, when a local reporter asked the candidate to explain the differences between the individual health insurance mandate he approved as governor of Massachusetts and the one contained in the Affordable Care Act. In response, Romney is said to have broken into a series of tense, ill-at-ease chortles that, as of press time, has yet to cease.
Read more: http://www.theonion.com/articles/romney-stuck-in-endless-loop-of-uncomfortable-chuc,29065/
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He has finally accepted the fact that he could never
win so he is going out and taking us all with him.
He's an evil genius I tell you!
