My sister had some real troubles starting in her early teens

[boston bean]

She was very rebellious. Had run away from home multiple times. Was into drugs. Just a messed up teen who wanted to do what she wanted to do.

I don’t think until this very day even that I have forgiven her. Although I love her very much and we are close.

She so badly wanted to do what she wanted to do that she went to the guidance counselor at school and accused my mom, a single mother escaping an alcholic and batterer, and told them she was being abused. She was never abused. It was she who abused all of us in the house during that time. My mom was so consumed with her and her safety. There was no other room for us kids to be kids and my already spent mom could do nothing more than work her two jobs and try to save the one if her four daughters that was in a dangerous place.

Needless to say my sister didn’t come home from school that day. She was placed in foster care. She loved it. being away and doing what she wanted. What she will never know is how it felt to be at home with my mom so overwought with pain and concern that we all felt it down to the marrow in our bones. We were traumatized by this.

Also what happened is we were informed that all the rest of us kids would be interviewed by social services and we might be taken away. The fear this struck in me is palpable to this day. Just the very thought of it again makes my stomach jump. Knowing the pain my mother was in and now the chance of losing all of her girls was a frightening. It literally caused me to be come throwing up sick for days. My mother could not be consoled that one if her daughters wasn’t safe at home.

Fortunately, the interviews went well and we were not removed. although just based on the false accusations my sick sister was making it could have torn us from my loving mother.

After about 6 months my sister was back home. Still she was pretty messed up but at least home.

Sorry to go on about this but the last week has brought this all home again.

If you got this far thanks for reading.

[gopiscrap]

1. Wow my heart aches for you , I just wrote about

speration from parents from the child's point of view (mine) of having to go to a foster home!

[boston bean]

4. Can you link me to it? I woukd like to read it and can't find it.

[gopiscrap]

6. go to June 18th 500pm pacific time

[gopiscrap]

8. The title of the post is

The trauma of being separated from your parents (no matter how) is real

[boston bean]

12. I will look for it.

[Squinch]

2. I'm so sorry. This must have been awful for you.

I ache for those families.

[boston bean]

7. Thanks squinch. I ache for them too.

[hlthe2b]

3. wow.. what a painful episode... I doubt any could say they would have forgiven...

without one heck of a lot of effort from your sister to make amends.

Was your mother able to forgive her? Did your sister mature into a "good" person?

That had to have left scars. I have to wonder if you were triggered by what is happening with these kids at the border? I could certainly see why that might be the case.

[boston bean]

9. It has taken her many years to get well. Today she is.

I guess I have forgiven her, until I get that visceral feeling again. And this week has certainly brought it home again.

And yes, my mother has forgiven her. She is just that good of a mom!!

[hlthe2b]

11. I'm betting, though, this whole episode brought you closer to your Mom...

so, there is that little positive from all the ugliness. 'Glad your Mom is still with you.

[boston bean]

13. Yes actually. My mother and me are inseparable. My rock.

[Stuart G]

19. Could I please ask you...Is your mom ok? Is she doing well?

[boston bean]

21. Yes. My mom is doing good. When I was in 10th grade she got married to the man who

who responded to our house after my father nearly killed her with a sledge hammer.

They were married many years and it broke her heart and mine when he suddenly died a few years ago.

He was my father as far as I am concerned.

[tulipsandroses]

5. Sorry, you went through that, I hope you and your family are well

This president and his administration have inflicted so much trauma on all of us. I am not surprised that this has been a trigger for you. Be well. What they have done to these families is atrocious. Even with signing this order, the damage has been done. Some of these children may not be able to be reunited. I work with 60something yr old adults that still struggle with abandonment issues that deal with depression, PTSD sexual trauma that they experience after being placed in foster care or alternative families. Its just horrendous what is going on in our country. My heart breaks for the parents already deported and don't know if they will ever see their children again.

[boston bean]

10. Thanks tulips and roses. Yes we are all good. Just this past week brings it up full frontal.

So these childrens separations will have long lasting effect.

[sheshe2]

14. For you and yours, boston.

For the children

[boston bean]

15. For the children and their mums and dads being put through unimaginable pain.

[ornotna]

16. You're very brave to share this with us

May there be peace in your heart and mind.

[boston bean]

17. Thank you orotna. I am doing good. I wrote this to try to explain how the trauma is there forever.

And stay it does. Forever!

[Stuart G]

18. Thank You...boston bean for your story and tellin us the pain you went through

And the pain your mom went through. And, I am very grateful that your sister came back and that you were willing to tell us about it.

[boston bean]

23. Me too Stuart. Me too. I pray all of these families are reunited.

[H2O Man]

20. Recommended.

Family systems can be both positive and negative, and often at the same time. In my opinion, within such systems, someone has to be weak, so that another can be strong. As hard as it is, I try not to judge family members for either strengths or weaknesses, but to accept them for who they are.

[boston bean]

22. This is true. I let go of these feelings and believe I have forgiven. Then it bubbles up when a week

like this comes along.

I am sure I will not bring this up with her. She is very sorry about it. That I know.

I tell myself it is on me to forgive. She has sincerely asked for forgiveness.

[H2O Man]

24. I think that

a lot of us are experiencing things long past, due to the ugly nature of Trump & Co. I've been thinking a lot about some of the cases I worked on 30 years ago.

[boston bean]

25. Yep. It just goes to show how long these traumas linger.

We may not be living them every day. But times like this show they leave a deep mark.

I hope all these children make it back to their moms and dads!! I fear they will not.

[BobTheSubgenius]

26. My wife has a daughter that was at least as much trouble as that sister.

She was eventually apprehended by Social Services based on her own behavior, not by making accusations. She was a very overdeveloped and precocious 13 year old who would lie about her age and date older men. Sometimes, she'd be gone with one of them for days. Drugs, drinking, pregnancy - she was a real piece of work.

So, just from living through the stories my wife has told me, I have some idea of the anguish of you and your family.