Rick Wilson: BREAKING From Trump's 'Doctors': Most Remarkable Physical Specimen of All Time!

[babylonsister]

BREAKING From Trump’s ‘Doctors’: Most Remarkable Physical Specimen of All Time!
At 7 feet tall, 200 lbs. and 0% body fat, Donald John Trump is the healthiest president—indeed, head of state of any kind—ever. Oh, and he has huge hands.
Rick Wilson
05.03.18 5:14 AM ET

A Memo On The President’s Health

By Drs. David Dennison, John Barron, and John Miller


This letter is to certify Donald Trump’s continued robust good health, genius-plus level intellect, and physical perfection. As America’s healthiest President (and many people are saying) the healthiest human being in the world, Mr. Trump is a golden Adonis, a specimen of masculinity so perfect that in the annals of medical science we have been unable to find anyone who can rival him.

At 7 feet tall, Mr. Trump is our tallest President, and at just 200 lbs, with body fat of 0%, he is undoubtedly the fittest President, or indeed sovereign or head or state of any kind, in world history. While Mr. Trump is 70 years old, we assess his physical condition to be that of a 25-year-old elite athlete. His dedication to triathlons, daily weight training, and heavy cardio leaves his cadre of former Navy SEAL physical trainers shaking and exhausted, awed by his sheer endurance and power. As one told us during the preparation of this report, “Mr. Trump could easily complete BUDS/S tomorrow, then do the SFAS course simultaneously with the USAF Pararescue program, and then pass SERE with flying colors.”

Mr. Trump has definitely, positively never, ever, ever had gonorrhea, herpes, syphilis, chlamydia, the French, Spanish, or English pox, crabs, genital lice, crotch-crickets, Bulgarian junk-rot, the Weeping Cobra, the Gift that Keeps On Giving, Studio 54 Stall Surprise, or Bangkok Fire-Dick. Mr. Trump’s noted fidelity to his wives should put to rest all of these scurrilous rumors. In fact, our laboratory research shows that contact with Mr. Trump’s magnificent body kills all forms of STDs, and also cures scrofula, vertigo, blindness, sleep apnea, and the Jimmy Leg.

Mr. Trump’s daily routine is a model of health, not only for a President but for any American. Each day, Mr. Trump makes America great for eight hours, performs 10 hours of cardio, including strenuous golf-cart riding, hand cardio (Tweeting), and reporter haranguing. He then makes vigorous love to Mrs. Trump for five hours, sleeps one hour and repeats the process.

Mr. Trump’s mental acuity transcends even the most aggressive projections for the far future of Singularity-level Artificial Intelligences. His ability to consume volumes of complex intelligence materials in minutes leaves his staff in constant awe. Mr. Trump often demands his briefers present the original intel source material to him untranslated, since his ability to speak 124 languages is unrivaled.

snip//

As his very real physicians (who many people say are the best medical experts from the best schools ever, and totally not the pen names of an insecure man consumed by his petty vanities and insecurities) we certify the preceding to be really, really true.

Dr. David Dennison

Dr. John Barron

Dr. John Miller

https://www.thedailybeast.com/breaking-from-trumps-doctors-most-remarkable-physical-specimen-of-all-time?ref=home

[Vinca]

1. OMFG - crotch crickets????

[malaise]

2. The deserving object of ridicule

Get thee to the greatest page

[The Genealogist]

3. Bulgarian junk rot!

[N_E_1 for Tennis]

4. Hand cardio...

tweeting.

[longship]

5. How about The Lurgi?

I demand to know his Lurgi status!

Eeeee-yacka-boooo!

Google "Lurgi Strikes Britain" for details.

[sarge43]

6. The Weeping Cobra

[IronLionZion]

7. Every conservative should strive to live like this amazing man

with a diet of fast food and 2 scoops of ice cream, no exercise but golf, and be hopped up on whatever drugs he can get

[Liberalagogo]

8. Too bad about the micropenis, though.

n/t

[xor]

9. I had to double check to make sure this wasn't a real press release. :P

[catbyte]

10. OMG, "the Jimmy leg,"

but I think my favorite just might be:

"When testing Mr. Trump’s mental fitness, we discovered he had not only memorized the Code of Federal Regulations but could extemporaneously recite it in the form of a medieval French chanson de geste."

Now, that letter is an example of the rarest of the rare--a Republican with a wicked sense of humor.

Kudos, Mr. Wilson.

[mommymarine2003]

11. My father was "diagnosed" with the body and mind of a 25-year-old.

In reality, my father was 96 years old. My ex-brother-in-law had wormed his way back into my father's good graces. He had been handing out money to many people, even buying someone a house. My sister and I knew he was having issues mentally and emotionally, and a doctor had diagnosed him with being in the early stages of dementia. We knew we had to do something, so the courts appointed him a guardian ad litem. My ex-brother-in-law hired a person to evaluate my father. His report stated that my father was in perfect health with the mind and body of a 25-year-old. I lived in another state, but I called him every night, sometimes to guide him on how to find the station with Jeopardy or how to recognize the color of the Mariners' uniforms when he was trying to find baseball on TV. I think a normal 25-year-old could do that.

Needless to say, it was a horrible situation. My father died before anything was resolved in court, but we did discover paperwork that my ex-brother-in-law was trying to get power of attorney and control of his money. It appears you can always find an "expert" if you pay them enough.

[AllaN01Bear]

12. rrrriiiiiigggggghhhhhhtttttttt.

hem.