Nut Punches to the NRA AND Humiliation for Marco Rubio? What Should I do with my 3rd Wish? (Ferret)
In the interest of full disclosure, I should let you know that Shower Cap is still a bit under the weather tonight, and thus tonight's post was composed by a crisis blogger.
(Post available, with links, at: http://showercapblog.com/nut-punches-nra-humiliation-marco-rubio-third-wish/)
Bad news for the deluded fools who imagined Mitt Romney's Utah Senate run would herald the return of decency to the Republican Party, as Mittens wasted no time whatsoever abasing himself over the Marmalade Shartcannon's endorsement.
You almost feel sorry for these guys. Like, do you not remember how quickly all of Mitt's bold criticisms of Trump vanished into thin air once he got a whiff of the Secretary of State post? Dogs gotta bark, fish gotta swim, Mitt Romney gotta pander. Death, taxes, Mitt Romney abandoning his loudly-professed "values."
Fresh drama on The Real Jagoffs of the Executive Branch! General Kelly and Jared Kushner are having a slap fight over access to highly classified intelligence! Kelly takes the How the Fuck is This Even a Little Bit Controversial position that if you, say, can't get your security clearance because of the OVER ONE HUNDRED LIES, excuse me, "errors and ommisions" on your clearance forms, then maybe you shouldn't get to casually peruse the most sensitive information on the planet.
Jar-Jar counters that he really WANTS to keep getting top secret intel, because it makes him feel like a big special boy and he needs all the help he can get to get out of financial trouble and also to "bring peace to the Middle East," snicker snicker.
I SWEAR I read something about Republicans being mad at Hillary Clinton over her irresponsible handling of classified intel, but that can't be right, that would mean all these people are enormous hypocrites!
...wait.
And National Security Advisor/Non-Turkish Agent H.R. McMaster may be on the way out! Donnie Two-Scoops is super mad that H.R. said mean things about the Russians interfering in our elections, and hey, having one competent guy hanging around makes everyone else look bad, right?
McMaster's replacement is rumored to be a Teddy Ruxpin doll equipped with a cassette tape filled with compliments of the President's hair.
But most of the news this week has been about guns and gun control. Normally, the media has moved on from the latest mass shooting tragedy by now, but these Stoneman Douglas kids are savvy as fuck, and they've just been tap-dancing on the NRA's balls for days now, with no signs of letting up.
Several surviving students travelled to the Florida capital, just in time to sit in the gallery as the House voted overwhelmingly to not even bother going through the motions of pretending to consider an assault weapons ban.
Understandably, the students became emotional, because it sucks to see the people who're supposed to be your representatives stand right in front of you, middle fingers raised high, declaring that they don't give a fuck about your suffering and won't do one fucking thing to spare anyone else the same fate.
Perhaps I'm being too hard on Florida legislature. They were, in all fairness, busy declaring pornography a public health risk. Surely, who can forget the tragedy that took place when that one guy rampaged through a school, killing 17 students and teachers with a sticky VHS copy of Debbie Does Dallas?
...hang on.
Dinesh D'Souza, reading the moment with Trumpian clarity, took the children's despair as cue for a victory lap. "In your FACE, kids-whose-friends-were-murdered!!!!! GOOOOOOO TEAM MURDER!"
There are no longer intellectuals in the Republican Party, only trolls.
And Dinesh isn't even the shittiest shitsack to open up their shit mouth and vomit their diarrhea into the world.
GOP CongressDemon Claudia Tenney, apparently super-eager for her really-quite-swingable district's voters to boot her indecent ass straight to the private sector, raged about how the LIBRUL MEDIA covers up how mass shooters are usually Dirty Democrats like how "Dylann Roof" is really David Plouffe's stage name for when he does his cabaret show and also shoots up churches.
Point is, Tenney is hot trash and we really need to make sure that Blue Wave saves a splash for the New York 22nd.
And let's not forget Shart, Jr., merrily spreading the vilest conspiracy theories from the most deranged corners of the far-right jagosphere. Again, how utterly broken do you have to be to require a deep state conspiracy to explain anti-gun activism from a kid whose classmates were murdered?
Anyway, forget the asshole brigade for a minute. Let's stand up and applaud these teenagers! You see these young people standing up right in the face of the NRA's paid stooges, calling them exactly what they are, which is uncaring profiteers, and you wonder...why didn't we do this ages ago?
And shit, y'all...watching these clips of Marco Rubio getting so thoroughly OWNED, over and over, by these kids, and their teachers and parents...I'll never need pornography again. It's the sexxxiest thing I've ever seen.
Rubio, the emptiest shirt this side of Hawley Griffin, panicked and pandered a bit, but swiftly took to the Electronic Tweeting Machine to reassure his death merchant masters of his fidelity.
NRA SpokesDemon Dana Loesch was on her best behavior, and let's talk about what it says about the state of your soul when your BEST behavior involves so much deception, condescension, and concern trolling.
Loesch didn't have to wait long to wash the stink of faux decency off. The very next day, before the raving hoards at CPAC, she belched up some bile about mass shootings being the media's fault, because...well, there's never any "because," not really. There doesn't need to be. That audience doesn't need details, just a target to hate.
(Also at CPAC, Ted Cruz boasted about his role in keeping weapons of war legally available to any asshole who wants them, I guess because he feels he's not getting enough credit for the 17 Parkland funerals. He went on to declare Democrats the "party of Lisa Simpson," because resentment of intelligence is a core conservative value.)
Now, the Quivering Custard Coward was absolutely not man enough to attend to the CNN town hall, so he hosted his own "listening session," with a friendlier crowd in much safer space. Few were the calls for gun control, and the big takeaway was that the President of the United States of America required a cheat sheet to be reminded to demonstrate empathy, because he is a sociopath who otherwise would've started hitting on the high school girls.
(Can we talk about the kind of human being who needs to write "I hear you" down? We've got a President who couldn't handle a customer service gig at the Gap.)
Anyhow, the Velveeta Vulgarian displayed the full range of his mental prowess, suggesting that one thing that might help would be if movies and video games had some sort of "ratings" system designed to keep children away from excessively violent content.
Yeah, that happened, folks. In real life. Next week he'll hold a press conference to call for cup holders in automobiles.
Oh, and he wants to arm teachers. He's particularly pleased with the economics of his little idea, because it's cheaper than hiring armed guards. Yep, while making sure everyone's up to speed on the Pythagorean theorem, or exploring the themes of MADAME BOVARY, your overworked-and-underpaid public school teacher will now be expected to keep the corner of their eye on the classroom door, prepared to stave off a mass-murderer at a moment's notice. MAKES SENSE.
Meanwhile, we also learned that during the Parkland shooting, the designated "good guy with a gun," a sheriff's deputy, rather than engaging the shooter...froze. Now, this is sad for all kinds of reasons, and I don't want to dump on this guy, he's gonna spend the rest of his life punishing himself, and he probably should.
But can we at least learn the important lesson here? So much of the lunacy from the gibbering gun nut crowd is based on the idea that only MORE guns will make us safer, because once the bullets start flying, Captain Good Guy, despite his lack of experience or training, will calmly put two or three right between the (more heavily-armed) shooter's eyes, EASY-PEASY.
So, honestly, HOW FUCKING STUPID DO YOU HAVE TO BE to imagine it'd be that simple? Here we have a trained, professional, law-enforcement officer who FROZE. There are all kinds of dispiriting statistics out there regarding the shooting accuracy of ACTUAL COPS. News flash, cowboys; a live shooter situation is a WEE BIT more stressful than Call of Duty. YES, EVEN THE LAST FEW LEVELS.
Just a suggestion, but maybe we should stop considering the baseless fantasies of underdeveloped manchildren when we're sorting out life or death issues.
But the news is better than it's ever been. Things really are different this time. "Yeah, we've heard that before!" shouts the cynic in the back. Fair.
But looka here: the NRA's brand is FINALLY becoming as toxic as it deserves to be, and the corporate partnerships are evaporating. First National Bank of Omaha announced they're discontinuing their NRA (10% cash back on bullets that murder children!) credit card. And later in the day, a major car rental conglomerate pulled out, too.
It's gonna take awhile, but we've finally got these fuckers on the run. November 6th is going to be a very bad night for the National Rifle Association.
Iowa Republican CongressThing Rod Blum violated some ethics rules, probably because he's seeking a cabinet post, and if you don't have a few crimes on your resume, you can't even get your foot in the door these days.
Oh, and the GOP has paid Donnie Dotard's ex-bodyguard, Keith Schiller, more than 75 grand out a slush fund with is totally not hush money, shut up, your FACE is hush money!
Didja see that thing where the President of United States threatened to withdraw a law enforcement agency from a state he's mad at, the idea being, the ensuing crime wave would make them so sorry that they'd come crawling back and beg him to unleash his ICEstapo on them once more, and also maybe teach them how to tie their neckties so freakishly long, we're sorry for mocking it, it's actually really stylish?
So apparently Rick Gates will NOT be rolling over and plea bargaining just yet. Instead, he's got his legal team playing musical chairs, I think he's claiming to be represented by Paul Newman's character from THE VERDICT by now.
Anyhow, Bob Mueller said, "That's cool, bro, you do you," and promptly slapped him (and Manafort) upside the head with a fresh new 32-count indictment. THIRTY-TWO. FUCK.
If they've been keeping up their punch cards, Manafort and Gates will eligible for a free indictment soon!
Mueller also indicted Dutch lawyer Alex van der Zwaan, son-in-law of a Tremendously Fancy Russia Oligarch, for his attempts to infiltrate S.H.I.E.L.D and kill Nick Fury. Excuse me, for "lying to investigators."
The United States Citizenship and Immigration Services' mission will no longer include language about our country being "a nation of immigrants" because didn't you get the memo, white people are totally native to this continent now, in fact Stephen Miller sprung, fully formed, from his own forehead!
Hey, if you were hoping to see video of a Nazi with outstanding warrants physically threatening an American journalist, Seb Gorka has good news for you!
Just to wrap up on a note of raw schadenfreude, Missouri Governor Eric Greitens' non-consensual-dirty-picture-taking habit caught up with him in a big fucking way. Yes, 49 of our governors were not taken into custody by law enforcement today; the other one was Eric Greitens.
Greitens, a protege of Mike Pence, is 31 flavors of fucked now. Indicted by a grand jury, with an investigation by the state House about to launch, I don't think he's a GOP "rising star" anymore, do you?
Oh, and the Candycorn Skidmark tweeted a widely-debunked story about CNN banning a kid from the town hall for refusing to read a scripted question. No biggie, just the leader of the free world using his platform to spread misinformation as part of his ongoing war on the free press.
There's probably more, but I really need to watch those Rubio videos some more.
= new reply since forum marked as read
I think you're right: the tide is turning, or maybe it already has: the kids are on the march, they know what's up, and they know how to make SENSE.
It is a continuous great thing!
And the best thing about the kids??? They are the fucking future!
Well written as usual!
Thank You.
all-encompassing stupefaction so utterly match the experience millions of others are having...
And we are so very grateful for that, good sir
, as ever
check out her leather garb on Wikipedia
GIFT FOR FERRET
Click link for infinite stream of Trump toons etc. Scroll all night
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/314055774006738697/
Thank you for your profanity. I am too shy to fuckin curse out loud.
:
You got me with that Blum section
@voteannfuller
voteannfuller.com
She needs support and cash. 
She's running against a Republican, who rumor has it, hasn't held a "real" job due to the fact his family owns a significant chunk of real estate in the county, which ironically, given the GOPs concern for the environment, might be under water in a couple of decades. He bounces between the Florida House and Senate to avoid term limits (as one does) and couldn't even be bothered to vote on the assault ban issue because he wasn't there. Apparently, it's way too difficult to juggle a two month legislative session schedule when there are ribbon cuttings at home to attend. I guess this one was just too important to pass over in favor of the ones that occur the other TEN MONTHS of the fucking year. Must have been a buddy's new gun range/karaoke bar opening near the port. A basket of fresh oysters while you shoot five or six mags from your Glock 17 while singing Ted Nugent's greatest hits would be my guess for their idea of a swell time. He's also used to running unopposed in the general election, having done so since about the time a, *gasp*, black man who didn't carry a tray, first went to live in the White House.
Anyhoo, would be really nice to jack up her followers, throw her a few bucks and make our currently non-representing representative actually work for his damn job.
Thanks oodles!
Pelican
p.s. No guarantee on ALL of the above containing verifiable facts, but a lot of it is true.
"Deluded fools.. " is right.. I remember how mitt lied all through his campaign in 2012.. Steve Benen was keeping account and it was voluminous.
"Mitt Romney gotta pander." Yep, remember the look on his face with he dined with trump and his shit eating grin?
(Can we talk about the kind of human being who needs to write "I hear you" down? We've got a President who couldn't handle a customer service gig at the Gap.)
Anyhow, the Velveeta Vulgarian displayed the full range of his mental prowess, suggesting that one thing that might help would be if movies and video games had some sort of "ratings" system designed to keep children away from excessively violent content.
Yeah, that happened, folks. In real life. Next week he'll hold a press conference to call for cup holders in automobiles. 
Just a suggestion, but maybe we should stop considering the baseless fantasies of underdeveloped manchildren when we're sorting out life or death issues.
Stop! Iowa Republican CongressThing Rod Blum violated some ethics rules, probably because he's seeking a cabinet post, and if you don't have a few crimes on your resume, you can't even get your foot in the door these days.
"There's probably more, but I really need to watch those Rubio videos some more."
Mahalo, Ferret!
