Things Trump will NOT being doing on Valentine's Day
I can't resist. I'm a sadist.
Things Trump will NOT being doing on Valentine's Day.
1. Making sexy time with Melania Trump.
2. Making sexy time with Stormy Daniels.
3. Making sexy time with Ivank-no, I won't go that low. Let's just say "making sexy time with ANYONE."
4. Enjoying an approval rating which actually constitutes a majority of this country - not today, not tomorrow, not ever.
5. Getting a Valentine's Day card from blue states, Puerto Rico, victims of white male violence, victims of Nazis/white supremacists, people receiving food stamps, the LGBT community, groped/assaulted women, Hillary voters (who STILL outnumber the goons that voted for him by 3 million), the Black Caucus, immigrant groups, the FBI, the CIA, environmentalists, atheists, scientists, professors... the list literally goes on and on and I would crash Facebook were I to fully formulate it.
6. Getting a Valentine's Day card from anyone bright or qualified enough to spell the word "Valentine" and that includes his Cabinet, his cronies, and the stupid dolts that voted for him.
7. Celebrating his exoneration from the Mueller investigation, since his orange ass is going to end up in a sling sooner or later. Not even Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny can bring him a gift like that!
8. Receiving an envelope with white powder since that was a gimmick orchestrated by the walking fucking hemorrhoid he spawned, Don Jr., who manages to be even dumber and more offensive than his brother Eric (what an accomplishment)!
9. Enjoying a sumptuous gourmet Valentine's Day meal courtesy of the White House kitchen since he stuffs his fat stupid face with artery-clogging junk food all day long out of fear of being poisoned (what kind of a righteous mind would fear that??!) But no matter, stuff away, Donny Two Scoops! Keep shoveling it in! You know what would go down great right now? A bucket of KFC followed by a deep dish Pizza Hut pizza!
10. Getting a Valentine's Day card from his son Barron, who obviously gives zero fucks about his pathetic old man, and good for him (yeah, I hit below the belt when I have to).
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