Trump Announces Plan To Replace Food Stamps With New Low-Income Foraging Program

[orangecrush]

WASHINGTON—Championing the decision as a way to cut costs and still meet federally mandated nutrition requirements, President Trump announced a plan Tuesday to replace food stamps with a new low-income foraging program. “We have developed a new foraging-based plan that provides qualifying Americans with a small, reusable bag they can fill with whatever they are able to scavenge from alleys, empty lots, or nearby wooded areas,” said Trump, explaining that underprivileged participants in the program would search for food scraps anywhere they can find them, including the dumpsters behind restaurants. “We will also be providing these low-income Americans with charts that explain which rotting foods are still safe to eat, which seeds and berries can be consumed without getting sick, and how to spot insects that are high in protein. Many disadvantaged citizens don’t have access to healthy meals at home, but this program will teach them the self-reliance they need to ensure their basic requirements for sustenance continue to be met.” Trump also proposed a Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program in which Americans would receive a weekly meal service kit containing pictures of food.


https://www.google.com/amp/s/politics.theonion.com/trump-announces-plan-to-replace-food-stamps-with-new-lo-1822967010/amp

[longship]

1. Yum!!! Pictures of real food!

[orangecrush]

7. ...

[Girard442]

2. In 2016 The Onion stopped publishing outrageous satire and went to an all-factual format.

Nobody noticed.

[orangecrush]

8. Amazing, isn't it?

[Ohiogal]

3. Always

more than a kernel of Truth in good satire.

At any rate, I hope no Republicans see this. It might give them ideas.

[orangecrush]

10. Good point!

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

4. The Hunger Games

[orangecrush]

5. ...

[HipChick]

6. Black market Food kits...

coming...

[orangecrush]

9. It's already here!

[HipChick]

11. LMAO....

[PatSeg]

12. Whoa

Not too far from reality.

[orangecrush]

16. Not far at all.

a virtual stones throw.

[PatSeg]

22. Mulvaney's Blue Apron-type program

sounds like satire already.

[louis-t]

13. Reminds me of the old Monkees comic book.

They always played like they were starving musicians and one time Peter was searching for pictures of food in a magazine and eating the pictures.

[orangecrush]

17. Loved the Monkees

They had some great writers, I believe Carole King wrote "Pleasant Valley Sunday".

[NewJeffCT]

14. Next up

the Trump Student LOan DEbt Relief Program. (SLODERP)

Students can agree to work for free for a length of time in order to pay down their student loans. Of course, rent, food, and clothing provided by the employer gets added onto the debt, so this means it will take about 10 years to pay off public college loans and 20-30 years for a private college loan.

[orangecrush]

18. Been through that wringer

Sounds like a DeVos plan.

[getagrip_already]

15. rats and pigeons are also great sources of protein....

The bill will allow for concealed carry if you are out hunting food.

[orangecrush]

19. too expensive!

A slingshot with instructions is just fine.

[Vinca]

20. Are you sure that's the Onion and not Mulvaney?

[orangecrush]

21. Hard to tell

I didn't have time to read the whole thing.

Turning over rotten logs for grubs is time consuming.

[lpbk2713]

23. Citizens will be encouraged to walk beside the Interstates.

There should be a good supply of fresh road kill.

[orangecrush]

24. And they can use lost hubcaps

as makeshift grills!