School tells sixth-graders they can't say no when asked to dance

[demmiblue]

Source: KMVT

WEST HAVEN, Utah (CNN/KSTU) — A Utah mom is upset about a school policy in which sixth-grade girls can't say "no" when boys ask them to dance.

The mom says it sends the wrong message to the young students.

"Oh no, no honey. You guys are misunderstanding again. That`s not how it is," said mother Natalie Richard.

When Richard`s sixth grade daughter told her she couldn`t say no if a boy asked her to dance at Kanesville Elementary School’s Valentine`s Day dance, she didn`t believe it at first.

Read more: http://www.kmvt.com/content/news/School-tells-sixth-graders-they-cant-say-no-when-asked-to-dance-473610053.html

[SamKnause]

1. Fuck that shit.

[yardwork]

37. My thoughts exactly.

[Anon-C]

51. Eloquently expressed!

Fuck all this 1950s bullshit to be completely honest.

[genxlib]

2. This is a prime no-no in training for avoiding sexual abuse

You absolutely never tell children that they don't have options to control what they owe other people.

This is even true of hugs and kisses from relatives. If your child doesn't want to get a hug from dear auntie or uncle, then that is her call, always.

[BigmanPigman]

3. The parents and PTA should boycott the dance then. I would.

NO CHOICE!?!?!? That's sounds like a Mormon-related thing to me.

[barbtries]

9. me too.

like priming them for when they're married and can't say no to their husband.

yeah fuck that shit.

[bobbieinok]

14. Part of Mormon view of female rights?

[ProudLib72]

13. Exactly what I was going to write

If you can't say "No" to the boys, you can say "No" to the dance.

I get the school's side, though. 6th grade was a super socially awkward time, and the kids are vulnerable. Still, there ought to be a better way of dealing with that. The school could have thought this through, or maybe let the kids come up with suggestions.

[yardwork]

39. In my experience, most 6th graders don't want to dance as couples.

The school forces the students to fill out cards with the names of five people they supposedly want to dance with. That's insane. No 6th grader - not one - is going to have 5 people they WANT to dance with.

This is developmentally inappropriate and sounds actually weird. As a parent, I would check into what else the school leadership is doing.

[ProudLib72]

49. You know, when I was in 6th grade it was still elementary school

I don't even remember there being dances. Maybe there were, but it wasn't a "thing" until jr high. So, yeah, I agree that it definitely seems developmentally inappropriate.

On the other hand, I do think it would be a good exercise asking the kids what the rules for a dance should be even if there is no dance. Maybe teach them to empathize.

[regnaD kciN]

29. I wonder what sort of "dance" this is...

I get the feeling that an LDS culture wouldn't want 6th graders to engage in "clubbing"-style dancing (or anything that might lead to any form of physical intimacy -- after all, that sort of thing is supposed to wait for marriage, after the young men have completed their mission). I'm wondering more if this is an old-fashioned, heavily-chaperoned "dance" where young people are supposed to learn etiquette and social graces, rather than one where the goal for the kids is to pair off as a potential couple.

[BigmanPigman]

31. The last 6th grade dance I went to was 20 years ago

when I taught 6th graders in San Diego. It was the first 6th grade dance at the school and my second year there. At that time the parents were more concerned with "spooning dancing" as they called it. Teachers were the chaperones and it was held from 3:00-5:00 PM. It couldn't have been more tame and hardly anyone, neither sex, wanted to dance. It could've been held 30 or 40 years ago and I have the feeling that there wouldn't be much to worry about now either. I'm pretty sure that it's the adults who "think" too much and put their own feelings and attitudes on the kids still.

[milestogo]

4. That's what we were told in junior high dance class.

Really depends if its extracurricular or part of the school curriculum.

[bettyellen]

11. It teaches the kid all the wrong things, so doesnt matter if its extra anything.

[milestogo]

18. What is wrong with it?

The kid that the girl doesn't want to dance with could be the fat boy, the feminine boy, the black boy, or the Muslim boy. There is no implication that a girl is going to be abused if she agrees to a dance with a boy. Saying yes to people who are less popular or a little different teaches kids good social skills.

[Takket]

19. teaching people that "no" isn't an acceptable answer in life is NOT good social skills

you are setting both the askee and the asker up for failure if you teach them that life lesson.

[milestogo]

22. In this case you're teaching kids that sometimes they have to work with or play with

people who are different than they are. That is a good life lesson that some people never learn.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

44. Are...are you really saying that requiring someone to let someone else touch her against

her will is the same as getting a work assignment?

[liberalhistorian]

23. Because the kid, boy or girl, still has the right to

make that choice for themselves and not be forced to dance with someone they don't want to. Forcing it only makes them more resentful and teaches them that they do not have bodily autonomy and control over their own choices in these matters.

Look, emotionally, I get where the school is coming from. I was always one of the most unpopular kids in a class no matter where I was or which school I was in, because I am, frankly, a bit "weird". Some of the teasing and the names could really get out of hand. I was even at a school once where the kids made a practice of miming "spraying" themselves before touching, or even being around, several of us who were unpopular. Imagine what that kind of thing does to kids. I'm in my early fifties, and I can still feel the pain.

HOWEVER. This is still one of the DUMBEST rules I've heard a school making. I understand the intention behind it, but there've got to be other and better ways of accomplishing it. Schools should absolutely handle bullying swiftly and harshly, but saying no to someone at a dance is not bullying. It's making your own choices. There were students I felt uncomfortable around and with, and I would have felt very uncomfortable dancing with them and it had nothing to do with race, religion, body type, etc. They need to find other ways to promote inclusion and empathy.

[milestogo]

25. When I was in dance class in the seventh grade

the boys were told that they had to ask girls to dance by saying "May I have this dance" and the girls had to respond by saying "Yes you may." We also had to wear white gloves and cross our ankles. I also distinctly remember the teacher giving the basketball players (future alpha males) first choice.

So maybe two boys are heading my way - a basketball player, and the quiet boy who sits next to me in my English class. I'm hoping for the basketball player but I have to say yes to the quiet boy. Is that so terrible? Its a dance, not a kiss or sex or marriage. And by giving him a chance the girls and boys might grow up a little bit and learn that its good to socialize with all kinds of people.

Again, this was a class and not an out of school social event. In the classroom you have to work with a lab partner that is assigned to you or a group of students who aren't your friends. You may have to be on a team in your gym class with people you don't like. Its good preparation for real life.

If its an out of school social event they should be free to say yes or no.

[yardwork]

50. It's a Valentine's Day Dance, not a class.

This is not a dance class. It's not PE.

[RandomAccess]

24. Any girl -- EVERY girl -- should know that she and she alone has agency

over her life, her body. Girls and women have been acculturated for millennia to subordinate their own desires, wishes, goals, needs to others, especially men.

Time to change that.

She can be encouraged to be inclusive, but it should -- MUST -- still be her choice who gets to lay a hand on her.

[pnwmom]

35. And the kid the girl doesn't want to dance with could be someone who groped her the week before

or called her a nasty name the day before, trying to get her attention and thinking that would make him cool.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

45. No one has any right to anyone else's attention or company.

[yardwork]

46. No girl or woman owes anybody a dance. Period.

Females are not comfort women obligated to make males feel good about themselves.

[hueymahl]

5. Not exactly news

That is how it is handled in many, many middle schools. It is even more common when they hold "Sadie Hawkins" themed dances. These are closely monitored events.

I don't really see the problem with it.

[demmiblue]

7. Nope, never heard of it being handled that way in middle schools.

Also, Sadie Hawkins dances, in my experience, were dances in which the girl asks the boy to accompany them to the dance. They could say no, just like the girl could decline an invitation to Homecoming or Prom.

[treestar]

20. It is not fair to give the boys all the choice

While the girls can't say no. Either way it would be bad, but Sadie Hawkins is not the norm traditionally. The traditional view was the man had the power of choice and the woman only the power of refusal. That grants agency to the men and just object status to the women. Here they are taking even that - can't refuse!

I recall saying no to dates and older women trying to make me feel guilty and bad for the "poor guy." Well he got to pick who he was going to ask, so he took that risk! (We of course, would be guilty of "chasing" if we showed any interest - we were just there to be picked over).

[CrispyQ]

6. Under the guise of teaching "inclusiveness & kindness."

What a load of shit. The dance should be boycotted by children of both genders.

[writerJT]

8. Placating the soft generation and their parents.

Can’t have anyone being turned down and risk them claiming “bullying” or “damage” to their self-esteem.

But then that puts others in the uncomfortable position of not having a choice.

Sit back and enjoy the social engineering shit-show.

Maybe they’ll make the kids wear helmets too. One might fall down dancing and get hurt.

[lindysalsagal]

10. Real simple: The girls can ask their girlfriends to dance, and let the teachers deal with the behavi

behavior problems the boys create when they have nothing to do....

[lindysalsagal]

12. It's a valentine's dance for 6th graders. What moron thought that up??

They should bag it and have an activity night instead. This is total B.S.

[leftstreet]

17. Ewwww. That seems wrong on so many levels

Yeah, an activity focused thing would be better

[cloudbase]

15. Since it's Utah,

can a boy ask more than one girl?

[jalan48]

16. When I was a boy I would have been terrified if I was told I had to dance.

What's the point of forcing kids to do these activities?

[Hav]

53. Exactly

I didn't even know what to say when I first read the OP. Almost everybody understandably concentrates on the perspective of the girls because it is so outrageous. But I actually think it sounds as if this rule applies to both genders. So it doesn't matter if you are a boy or girl, it's wrong not to have that choice. Thinking back to when I was that age, dances absolutely terrified me as well and pretty much every boy hated dance events.

[TeamPooka]

21. Okay but new rule: Only girls are allowed to ask someone to dance.

[MrsMatt]

48. No.

As the mother of a 6th grade, 12 year old boy who has two girls pestering him because they are enamored of him, that situation would make him extremely uncomfortable. He is not interested in either girl.

[TeamPooka]

56. which is kind of the point boys need to learn. But I hear you and your point too.

[McCamy Taylor]

26. No means yes.

[Ohiogal]

27. BULL SHIT!

This is so WRONG!

[DVRacer]

28. Hes gonna make her an offer she cant refuse

Just what popped in my head,

But really bad conditioning that no doesn’t mean no.

[wasupaloopa]

30. All of the ladies attending the ball are reqested to gaze at the faces found on the dance cards.

[TlalocW]

32. Holy shit

That just sends an incredibly wrong message.

Besides, the first school dance you attend should be boys on side of the school cafeteria and girls on the other side just looking at each other, while a DJ plays whatever he wants and tries to come with grips with what path led him to his current career.

TlalocW

[IluvPitties]

33. That is wrong. Kids should be able to dance only with whoever they want.

Interact

[MsJaneFuzzyWuzzy]

34. Intersectionality at work.

It's a big inclusive bus. Everybody's welcome. Sit beside anybody you want!

Oh, except you girls. Under the bus with you.

[Initech]

36. Does Bender run that school?

[panader0]

38. When I was young, I got turned down so many times

they called me bedspread.

[Codeine]

40. Yeah, no. My daughter can say no to any boy

she wants to say it to. Thank goodness her school doesn’t have a stupid-ass rule like this.

Not that it would matter; it’s a performing arts school and half the kids are gay anyway. Trying to assign dance request gender roles in that place would be met with the sort of withering derision that only middle school kids can deliver.

[lpbk2713]

41. Even when the other kid has cooties?

[Captain Stern]

42. This sounds like a joke...a sad,sick, joke.

So, basically the girl has to dance with a guy that she doesn't want to dance with, so the guy's feelings don't get hurt? Is that it?

Do they have a rule that says every guy has to ask every single one of the girls to dance? After all, if they don't, then there will be girls who are asked to dance less than other girls are...and their feelings will be hurt.

This sounds like one of those things that's just made up to make Liberals look bad.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

43. This is a terrible idea. It was the policy when we were learning square dancing in elementary school

in the 80s, but we're not in the 80s anymore (and honestly, it was a terrible policy then), and we have a better understanding of consent and etiquette. Fuck this policy.

[Judi Lynn]

47. What kind of brat went to tell his teacher or parent when some girl refused to dance?

How, and why is a girl obligated?

Answer, organize the girls, and encourage each one to go with the guy to the dance floor, then start making an absolute fool of herself and him. Maybe she could sent off a couple of barks, or howls.

You never know. It might catch on. Everyone at the dance who sees the guy with a girl who has gone berserk will realize she is dancing under protest and can't stand the guy, or simply resents being expected to fall in line every time some clown tells her to dance.

How long would the planet last if girls were allowed to refuse to dance?

[hunter]

52. Why are sixth graders having school dances?

The "can't say no" rule only compounds the weirdness.

Our schools have dances, but no essential sex education.

It's madness.

[Adrahil]

54. Yeah....no. My daughter ALWAYS has the right to say no.

[trof]

55. I won't dance; don't ask me.

<div style="position:relative;height:0;padding-bottom:56.25%"><iframe src="

?list=RDrkV8fC5W0tw&ecver=2" style="position:absolute;width:100%;height:100%;left:0" width="640" height="360" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>