Trump Considering Firing Dow Jones Industrial Average

[orangecrush]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—After watching it suffer its worst losses since he became President, Donald Trump is “seriously considering” firing the Dow Jones industrial Average, aides have confirmed.

According to the aides, Trump is “furious” at the D.J.I.A. for going down so precipitously and believes that it has treated him “very unfairly.”

“Increasingly, the President has become convinced that the Dow Jones Industrial Average is not on his team,” one aide said. “Seeing the negative Dow numbers in the corner of the TV screen has been wrecking eleven hours of every day for him.”

Reportedly, Trump is mulling replacing the Dow with a new system, in which Sarah Huckabee Sanders would appear every day at 4 p.m. to announce how high stocks had skyrocketed.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-considering-firing-dow-jones-industrial-average/amp

[Gothmog]

1. I love good satire

[orangecrush]

2. Same here!

[Me.]

3. +++

[orangecrush]

8. ...

[Mira]

4. I was thinking the tweet assigning blame

would target Hillary second, Obama first.
The tweeter in chief has not yet made a comment. Choked on his hamburger maybe.

This is taking the wind out of his most self congratulatory sail with a vengeance.
He has nothing left to brag about, even in his own mind.

[orangecrush]

6. expect tweetrage soon

this should be entertaining!

[moondust]

5. Little Dow is very, very bad.

Sad.

[orangecrush]

7. can't wait

for the narcissistic rage!

[grantcart]

9. I expect him to blame Dow and argue for the "Jones Index"

which will reflect only those businesses which will always align with his policies: Wall building, gun manufacturing, weird hair products, etc.

[orangecrush]

10. ...

[Gothmog]

11. From my twitter feed

Link to tweet

[orangecrush]

14. ...

[Stuart G]

12. Love this picture, and the satire in this post.....k and r

[orangecrush]

13. THANK YOU!