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Republicans Planning for Epidemic to Solve Debt Problem
12/20/2017
National Debt to Succumb to National Epidemic
In a private briefing behind closed door, and with no recording devices permitted, a highly placed Republican lawmaker explained that Republicans are not worried about the soaring national debt. "There's an epidemic of disease coming that will cut government expenditures to the bone," He said. "Few people get that, but think about it. Epidemics take the biggest toll on low income groups that depend on entitlement money to pay their expenses. Everyone knows that if it weren't for that costly expenditure, we'd have a massive surplus that would wipe out the debt in years."
He continued with further shocking statements: "Did you notice that this year's flu shot isn't all that effective? Did you take note of our brutal cuts to Obamacare, with more to come next year? We're also cutting the budget for the wasteful CDC and its focus on epidemiology. The Department of Health and Human services, too, is rapidly diminishing in competence and staffing. It's all part of a Republican plan that hasn't been made public. Privately, we call it our "Survival of the Fittest" program."
When questioned about this concept, the spokesman said, "If you report this, nobody will believe you. Remember, we banned recording devices as a requirement for attending this briefing. You can go out there and talk about this, and we'll make mincemeat of your story. But, just watch, and you'll see it all start to happen before the 2020 election."
We're reporting the story we heard, but have no video or audio of it. Do you believe us?
In a private briefing behind closed door, and with no recording devices permitted, a highly placed Republican lawmaker explained that Republicans are not worried about the soaring national debt. "There's an epidemic of disease coming that will cut government expenditures to the bone," He said. "Few people get that, but think about it. Epidemics take the biggest toll on low income groups that depend on entitlement money to pay their expenses. Everyone knows that if it weren't for that costly expenditure, we'd have a massive surplus that would wipe out the debt in years."
He continued with further shocking statements: "Did you notice that this year's flu shot isn't all that effective? Did you take note of our brutal cuts to Obamacare, with more to come next year? We're also cutting the budget for the wasteful CDC and its focus on epidemiology. The Department of Health and Human services, too, is rapidly diminishing in competence and staffing. It's all part of a Republican plan that hasn't been made public. Privately, we call it our "Survival of the Fittest" program."
When questioned about this concept, the spokesman said, "If you report this, nobody will believe you. Remember, we banned recording devices as a requirement for attending this briefing. You can go out there and talk about this, and we'll make mincemeat of your story. But, just watch, and you'll see it all start to happen before the 2020 election."
We're reporting the story we heard, but have no video or audio of it. Do you believe us?
Note: This is just dark satire. No such briefing was held. No such briefing would ever be held.
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