Why do the end timers want Jesus to return so badly? Why not just commit suicide?

[DainBramaged]

They have been predicting His return for centuries, yet he continues to hang back and disappoint them. Since they are so pious and wonderful, why not just enjoy their short lives here on Earth and when their bucket gets turned over, enjoy themselves in Heaven instead of fucking things up for the rest of us waiting fr our clock to be punched??


They love money, they want to destroy the Earth, and they hate the non-believers. How fucked up is that?

[RegieRocker]

1. Most of them will get a surprise when he does and it won't

be good for them. Hahahaha

[ixion]

2. ironically, they see suicide as a sin...

but being bat-sh*t crazy thinking you're "building the Kingdom of God on Earth" as you destroy it, well, apparently, that's what Jeebus wanted. :evilgrin:

What do you expect from people who build their entire life around a fairy tale?

[YellowRubberDuckie]

6. The Jesus they worship today is nothing like the man of legend.

Jesus would have shut down all their houses of worship. He was more of a tabernacle or tent kind a guy. He walked everywhere, lived a simple life and (OMG!) helped those less fortunate. He didn't hand them a pair of boot straps and say here, do it yourself. He was the friend of the poor and less fortunate. He'd be appauled at the just complete lack of charity in the minds of these idiot so called Christians today. He'd shut them down like he shut down the vendors in the temple.
I am not a person who believes Christ was anything more than just a really good person trying to live a really good, really simple life and trying to teach others to do the same. These religious zealots really piss me off with their holier than thou bullshit. If Christ came back and wasn't in a three piece suit, they'll kick him out of their church.
Duckie

[DainBramaged]

8. Exactly

:thumbsup:

[CrispyQ]

10. Colbert nailed it:

[YellowRubberDuckie]

15. I hope he REALLY said that!

[CrispyQ]

19. Here you go:

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/368914/december-16-2010/jesus-is-a-liberal-democrat

The entire clip is just over 4 mins. The statement above is at the end.

[backscatter712]

14. They don't pray to Jesus, they pray to Jeezus.

Original link here: http://thepaincomics.com/weekly050504.htm

Though as an atheist, I reserve the right to make fun of both of them...

[ixion]

16. Yep, spot on.

:toast:

[Orrex]

3. You've actually answered your own question

why not just enjoy their short lives here on Earth and when their bucket gets turned over, enjoy themselves in Heaven instead of fucking things up for the rest of us...

See, that is how they enjoy their short lives here on Earth. Plus, when the boss shows up they want to look like they've kept busy.

[Tesha]

4. They don't actually *BELIEVE*, way down deep, the tenets of their religion.

While they shouldn't commit suicide (since that is
deemed a mortal sin), no real Christian should fear
death in any way. But they don't actually believe
the shit they beat us over the heads with; it's
just useful to obtain and hold power.

Tesha

[Orrex]

7. Hey, something's wrong with your line-breaks

:evilgrin:

[Tesha]

13. ;-) (NT)

[KittyWampus]

11. Tesha, I wish more DU'ers grasped the truth of your statement. Most Fundies simply react

to what their authority figures repeatedly flash in front of them.

There are the followers who don't actually think or use discrimination regarding what their authority figure tells them

There are the authority figures who understand group dynamic and human psychology and know how to manipulate people.

The authority figures on the Right don't care about anything other than accreting more power for themselves.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

5. Because they believe that your life is not yours to take...

...and if you commit suicide, you go to hell in their world.

[AngryOldDem]

9. Because they think they're better than the rest of us and they want to see us all burn in hell.

But they love us anyway.

[backscatter712]

12. I'm half tempted to create a Facebook event:

"Make fun of everyone who thought the world would end on May 21, 2011" dated May 22, 2011.

Should I?

[peekaloo]

17. They tingle in anticipation of all that smitin' that'll take place.

Take that evil sinners!

[RebelOne]

20. That's true. Just check out the Rapture Ready Web site.

Go to the bulletin board and read. All of them are a bunch of self-righteous nut cases.

[OHdem10]

18. Permanent Life of Paradise. Once Jesus returns and the

years of tribulation and suffering pass, Jesus
returns, the battle of Armaggedon is won and
they live in paradise. Living in complete happiness is
the reward.

It is not about ending life. It is about everyone
being resurected and living in complete happiness.

Suicide is not a choice.

[Rex]

21. Because if they kill themselves...they go to hell.

It is in the Bible somewhere...'thou shall not off thyself'. So instead, they wish death and misery onto the rest of us so they can 'rapture' and be with their creator. :eyes: