Maybe the new fad will be the construction of 'children's apartments' in retirement homes

[NNN0LHI]

http://www.slate.com/id/2277569/

The Visit That Never Ends

Readers tell Great Recession stories of moving back home.

By Emily Yoffe
Posted Tuesday, Dec. 21, 2010, at 7:04 AM ET

Soon you'll be home for Christmas, sleeping in your childhood bed for a few days, or camping on some relative's basement sofa. Millions of Americans caught in the Great Recession, however, have been experiencing a visit home that never ends. They are living like the Waltons, the fictional Depression-era family that had three generations under one roof, and which frequently took in lost, flat-broke souls.

We asked Slate readers who have had to return home or who have taken in friends or relatives to tell us what it's like to live in a multi-generational household. We heard from people who are now staying with grandparents, parents, in-laws, siblings, and friends. These impromptu arrangements can mean the difference between a warm bed and living in the car, but the experience is emotionally roiling. People described alternating surges of shame and gratitude, their relief at having a safe place to land tempered by worry about ever being able to get out. Many people wrote of unexpected, sweet moments of connection they never would have experienced in better times. But just as often, they hoped for those better times to return, so that they can get their stuff out of boxes and kiss their loved ones farewell.

"Hey, Baby, I'm Unemployed and I Live with My Parents."

One effect of the recession not captured by the Bureau of Labor Statistics is what living with your parents does to your eligibility as a romantic partner. A few years back, a reader who calls himself Rajni put his administrative career in higher education on hold to follow his successful girlfriend as her career took her around the country. They broke up, and he moved in with his parents for what he thought would be a few months until he landed a job. Then the recession landed, and now he is heading toward year three of living at home. He writes, "I never imagined I'd be unmarried at 37. When I hear the slurs we use for adults living at home, like 'man-child' or 'mama's boy,' they sting, even though I don't think they apply to me. Still, I know most women want an established man with a great career. Even if I'm emotionally mature with great life experiences, my unemployment makes me a work-in-progress. I used to think I was a catch; every passing month makes me less of one. Should I try to make my case on Match.com with brazen, unemployed honesty? With a profile picture that's got my folks in the background, holding a sign that says 'It's not as bad as it looks'?"

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I have noticed this phenomena in my own neighborhood. I would say half of the 50 or so homes in this one subdivision have at least one 30ish son, daughter or other family member living back at home with them right now. Some have more than one back home. Some never left. Some have left and brought back a couple of little kids home with them. Probably only ten little kids who actually live out here with only their parents. But when the school bus comes by there are probably close to 50 little kids waiting out at the bus stop when I walk my dog.

Never seen it like this before during my lifetime.

Don

[dkf]

1. The rent is too damn high.

[Vinca]

2. LOL.

[demodonkey]

3. This is not a bad thing....

...definitely what was done during the Depression. After college (for some) my mother and several of her siblings lived happily at home with their widowed mother pretty much until they married.

I really don't see what the big deal is with this.

[Fumesucker]

6. Not all families get along..

You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family, you can read personal stories of extreme family conflict right here on DU on an almost daily basis.

It is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder, the flip side of that is that propinquity, particularly forced propinquity, often leads to conflict.

[demodonkey]

7. When a family doesn't get along, of course don't do it... but why stigmatize those who do?

Why make a big deal about an adult happily making a home with his or her parents?

It's a perfectly normal choice in many families.

[Fumesucker]

8. In what way was I "stigmatizing" anyone?

I've lived the multigenerational family thing and seen it in other families around me, there is often a great deal of conflict which would not be immediately apparent to outsiders.

[demodonkey]

9. Not you. Society.

Look at the whole OP of this thread... young (or not so young) some adults who live under same roof with family face discrimination in jobs, love life, etc.

Today's society looks down on someone who 'lives with his mother' -- let's face it.

Thank goodness there is a movement starting to see it as normal; as I said I grew up with Depression era parents and I never saw what they did as young adults as odd in any way.

Again, this is for families who get along and want to live together. If yours or anyone else's doesn't for heavens sake don't do this.

[sarcasmo]

10. Exactly, I would live in my car before I moved back in with my parents.

[pipoman]

4. The unemployment is of coarse troubling

the sharing of households isn't completely bad IMO. It is actually a much greener way of living. Reduces sprawl, energy usage, food consumption is cheaper in larger quantities, child care provided by family members is usually better than daycare, transportation may be easier, etc. This is also the model used by many immigrants who save money collectively to start businesses with very little dependence on the banking system. Much of the rest of the world live in a fraction of the space that the average American enjoys. I know several retired/semi-retired couples who live in 4 bedroom/3 bath homes...just wasteful of resources IMO. Eight or ten people could comfortably live in such a home.

[cherish44]

5. Where can I get one of those?

My kids are driving me crazy right now....oh I love the holidays and all but I'll be glad to get back to reality on January 3 (when they to back to school)