Being a divorced father means

[reggie the dog]

in most states in the USA and countries in Europe, that you live knowing that at any given moment their mother can move away and, even if you had shared custody, legally take the kids with her.

When men do the same thing we are called kidnappers.

Why does the justice system in most states and most countries in Europe favor women in custody battles? Why do women get kids about 80% of the time THAT THE FATHER AND MOTHER BOTH WANT CUSTODY?? Why is a true 50 50 split custody not even given in 4% of occaisons when men ask for it?


If my ex moves to corsica to live by her new boyfriend she has a 98% chance of getting sole custody

If i move to reunion island to follow my girlfriend who is moving i have a 2% chance of getting sole custody.....


Now if i bring my little girl to the usa and never come back to france i will be a kidnapper, but there is not an extradition policy.

am i a monster for considering this option?

[DesertFlower]

1. my granddaughter was recently divorced.

they have 50/50 shared custody of the 2 girls. she is not allowed to move out of the state.

hope things work out for you.

[reggie the dog]

2. what state are you in? I am in france and france has

proposed a law making 50 50 split default unless one of the 2 parents is unfit, but awaiting that change the system favors women heavily. edited to note that i think 50 50 split is best for the kids

[ingac70]

5. In every state....

if there is joint custody the the parent with primary custody has to go to court to ask if they can move out of state. The courts generally only approve such moves if it involves work.

[reggie the dog]

10. the usa is more advanced than france then

are you sure it is every state? divorce law is a state law.

historically in the usa joint custody is rare even when men ask for it, perhaps it is getting better in the usa but my lawyer explained how case law works here in france and i have a 2 percent chance to keep the kid even if i have joint custody and the mother moves away.

[redqueen]

42. I hope you're doing some outside research...

there are probably some advocacy groups there for fathers battling custody issues. Not that I know your lawyer or have any reason not to trust him, but it can't hurt to get some more input from people who deal with this from outside the system as well.

[Odin2005]

75. My parents had joint custody of me when they divorced.

They divorced on good terms so there wasn't a hideous court fight. I lived with my mom most of the time because of school, but I stayed with my dad every other weekend as well as for 2 weeks in the summer.

[Horse with no Name]

48. Depending if there is a geographical restriction in it

What this means is...

say they have joint custody with a geographical restriction with mom having primary custody.

This means that IF the mom wants to move, SHE has to initiate the court proceedings.

say they have joint custody without a geographical restriction with mom having primary custody.

This means that IF the mom wants to move, she has to notify the father and then HE has to initiate the court proceedings.

IF there is a good reason for the mom to move...job, marriage, etc...the court will almost always grant it, no matter a geographical restriction or not.

[DesertFlower]

8. my granddaughter lives in florida. they

have very strict rules regarding alimony too. she can't get it for more than 7 years and i think that was only because her ex was agreeable. had she had to go to court she may not have gotten it for more than a few years.

i was divorced too and lived in new york. the only way i could have left with our son was for employment or if my 2nd husband had to take a job out of state.

[seabeyond]

21. i haev never heard alimony. but, no one i know going thru divorce makes enough for consideration.

interesting.

[DesertFlower]

46. my granddaughter is getting $5800 a month.

i believe $3600 of that is alimony. she did give up interest in the house and 4 rental properties they owned together. she works part time and makes $300 a week. she's doing fine, but i told her she better meet a rich guy before 7 years is up. she spends like crazy -- shops in nordstrom's. i've never even been in nordstrom's. i try to talk to her about her spending habits, but she doesn't listen.

she also got a $50,000 settlement. she already spent $25,000 since june.

[Angry Dragon]

79. I hope she knows she has to pay federal taxes on her alimony

[tammywammy]

82. In Texas it's referred to as spousal support

You can only receive it up to three years usually and for it to even be a consideration you must have been married for at least 10 years.

[seabeyond]

85. ah, well, all i know that have divorced, under ten. and no one had any money anyway

couldnt afford child support let alone spousal support. but good to know....

ya know

just in case

[DebJ]

33. What happens in 50 50's if the parents cannot agree? One

says okay, get your ears pierced, the other says no? One says okay to play sports, the other says with health concerns, no?
One says go to one school, the other parent, to another?

Just curious.

[reggie the dog]

35. in 50 50 you have to come to joint decisions with the other parent

just as one would have had to had they remained married.

[jeff47]

44. They have to work it out, or go to court and a judge will break the tie. (nt)

[Horse with no Name]

49. In a true 50-50 custody

EACH parent has the right to do with the child whatever they want while the child is in their custody.

One parent will always have the sole right to determine school.

[mzteris]

61. joint custody more often than not, sucks!

if they couldn't agree on anything while they were married, what makes you think they will agree on anything when they're not.

I've never had that problem. I always had SOLE custody.

Sorry to say this, but MOTHERS are generally the ones who do most of the work. (Yeah, there are some crappy ones and good dads, but there it is...)

I've got a friend whose son NEEDS surgery on his nose, they've had several doctors opinions, the dad refuses to allow. They're having to go to court to get court's permission. Ridiculous. The dad refuses to give them any kind of medication if they're sick. Refuses to take them to the doctor. And he's a freaking chiropractor with more money than god.) He bucks her on everything. Interferes in the things the children WANT TO DO. Refuses to give up "his time" for things they want to do. It's ALL ABOUT HIM!

And that's just one story and one set of parents.

It's easier to have one parent making the decisions. The back-and-forth, the time, the acrimony, the kids getting caught in the middle. No decision being simple (can I sleep over at jimmy's? Can I go to johnny's birthday party? can I have a goddamn decongestant for my perpetually runny nose?)


Then if there's the "parent coordinator" involved - that means MORE TIME! AND they pay huge sums to them who tries to negotiate between them. Every little nit-pickey thing has to be presented to this person who doesn't know the kids and doesn't want to know the kids in order to supposedly "be fair" - FAIR TO WHOM?? More time and effort and money and bullshit.

If the other one doesn't like it, then let them take it to court.

One parent -the one who does the majority of the work. The one who stays up with them at night with a fever. Who wipes their noses and their butts. Who cleans up their throw-up. Who drives them everywhere. Who washes their clothes. Who helps them with their homework. Who comforts them with they're hurting. Who shows them the wonders of the world. In other words - 9 times out of 10 - their MOTHER.


edit typo.

[Odin2005]

76. If the dad is a woo-woo chiro-moron he should not have gotten custody in any case.

The rest of your post is dad-bashing.

[mzteris]

77. let's face it

mom's do 90% of the child-rearing in 90% of the cases.

I think joint custody causes more problems than it solves.

[Odin2005]

86. I think you are mixing up strereotypes with facts.

[seabeyond]

4. i am hearing this more and more. where they protect the other parent more. nt

[maddezmom]

7. I am recently divorced and and have a 50/50 shared custody

agreement and we neither of us can move out of the current county we live in, unless ex moves out of country for work and at that time I can move anywhere in the US.

[reggie the dog]

11. please tell me what state this is in

it looks like france is regressive on this issue

[maddezmom]

14. Texas

it wasn't a typical agreement and it does have caveats that if my ex doesn't live up to his end, reverts back to a more traditional agreement that is more favorable to me.

[seabeyond]

18. i have seen only fair, considering both parents here in texas. i have always been impressed

there is no missing around with one gender over another.

i dont know how the rest of the states are, but if it is anything like what i have seen here, men have come a long with in this situation

[reggie the dog]

36. texas has different legal tradition

comes from mexican/spanish law from what i understand and its laws in its time of independence,

[Horse with no Name]

50. Texas laws favors wealthy men. Period.

It is the ONLY state that a man can request a jury trial to decide custody of a child (lots of payoffs especially in small towns, where this usually happens.) It is almost ALWAYS about the money and the desire not to pay it.

This is generally done to smear the mother...or if the mother does not have the $25-50k needed to mount up a jury trial defense then he will win by default.

I believe the odds in Texas are if a man fights for custody...they will win 90% of the time because of the cost factor.

[rainbow4321]

52. I divorced in TX about 20 yrs ago

I don't know if it the same now but the default rules for custody were the kids go with the "non-custodial" parent every other weekend and every Wednesday night. Major holidays are alternated each year. The parents, if agreeable, could always make up their own visitation schedule. In my case, we couldn't and had to go by the default. We both had to either live in the same county or counties directly bordered with our county.

When a child turns 12, he/she can decide which parent they want to live with. In our case, my ex started lavishing our almost-12-yr-old with expensive shopping trips, hair cuts, letting her get away with stuff. All because he wanted the "you have a child with you, I have one with me, therefore, I owe them no child support". Basically, he was trying to bribe her to go live with him. I remember one day I took her shopping at WalMart and she was shocked how she got a BAG full of school clothes for the same price as a SHIRT that her father had bought her.
Meanwhile, her younger sibling got nothing from him because she was not old enough to be worthy of bribing. The younger one would tell me how they all went shopping and big sibling got this and that..I'd ask "what did you get".."nothing".
In the end, I explained to the older one, if you decide to go live with you Dad, fine, but remember that me and your younger sibling will not be re-arranging our daily lives/vacations/out of state family visits around you. And, by the way, you will be the one telling your little sibling you are moving out and will not be seeing her every day. The older sibling started to realize this was not a "go live with Dad but go back to do fun stuff with mom/younger sibling at my convenience" arrangement, and she decided to stay with me and her little sibling.


Texas has a so-so record.
The kids were getting child support and after 5 years I realized that my ex had not told the courts about any annual bonuses and raises he had gotten, so the kids were not getting what they were allowed under state law.
He refused to share any of his info so I turned to the state's Attorney General office. They represented the kids free of charge, took my ex to court where he was forced to give current financial information. Turns out the kids were due an extra $400/month. Over the five year period, he had kept around $12,000 from them. Per Texas law, he didn't have to pay them any backpay. And that was with written evidence from his financial record that he had kept money from them.

Odd how things turn out. Now he has shunned one of his kids (younger one), hasn't seen or talked to her in 3 years...she called him on Father's Day in an attempt to break the ice, and at the end of the conversation he asked her "so why did you call, did you need money or something?". That was 3 years ago. They have not talked since.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

53. Texas is very evenhanded for the most part.

I got a divorce and we were Joint Managing Conservators, but he had primary custody, because I was criticially ill for several years, due to his constant nagging and criticism.

I had to pay him child support and he was the one with the steady job and good insurance. He's a psychopath and did not take care of our child properly when she was little -- bringing her to me sunburned and filthy and even with diaper rash, but I could do nothing about it.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

54. he was a gold digger.

He told me to get an abortion when I told him I was pregnant and we were already married. He only cares about money. I told him I was thrilled and he better change his attitude. He said I faked it when i was sick as a dog with pneumonia -- caused by stress from him constantly nagging me and telling me what to do. I had a complete physical collapse. I was in and out of hospitals and emergency rooms for six or seven years.

He had a good job and good insurance.

He said I bribed the doctor to put me in the hospital because I was faking it just to embarrass him at work because of the thousands of dollars in insurance money I was using up.

He spent about $50,000 on the divorce trying to destroy me and my elderly parents. My parents had to liquidate the trust fund they had set up for our daughter's college. They had to do this for legal fees to fight him when he went after my parents. He tried to get my father's law license revoked. My dad was about 79 at the time. He was warned by their lawyer that his child's college education was in jeopardy if he did this, and he did it anyway. He used the word "destroy" about my parents. Said he was gonna "destroy them" "Put them six feet under". I've got him on tape saying that.

He ended up paying for her four years of college. I had absolutely no input to the process.

[MedicalAdmin]

62. Zoinks - what an ass.

I would like to apologize to your kids for the rest of my gender. We aren't all like that.

:grouphug: for your kids.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

63. Thank you.

There are some good guys out there. I have one that I have been with for seventeen years and he is my soulmate or whatever you want to call it.

So I finally found a good man.

The ones that have groups that raise hell about paying child support tend to be angry jackasses. i've noticed that a lot fo them are quite wealthy, and can well afford child support. They want to destroy the mother and not pay any child support at all.

[rainbow4321]

68. Thank you....from the three of us

My youngest (now 20 y/o), the one who is estranged from her father, is very, very cautious about any relationship she gets into.

Between what she went thru in our situation and then also her seeing several of her 19-21 yr old girlfriends get married/have babies/divorce/staying in a miserable marriage she has said that one of the things she tells any potential beau is: "I am not interested in settling down in a marriage or having children any time soon". She just doesn't want to mislead them or cause **either** party any hurtful emotions further down the line if it can be avoided.

As she approached 19-20yr olds she randomly quizzed me more and more about what led up to my marriage ("so did you date around or was he your first love/boyfriend").

It's hard watching them grow up so quickly, but it makes me happy that they are both making slower paced decisions than I did at their age...and they are doing so without me prompting them to do so.

[etherealtruth]

81. My ex husband and I do not have 50.50 custody

We do share some aspercts of custody ... as the primary custodian of the children 9now only one under 18) I could not not move more than 100 miles from the county (in Michigan0 in which we divorced.

Generally, in Michigan, if it is not spelled out one may not leave the state (permanently) without the courts permission.

[Taverner]

47. I like that

That is true 50/50 custody

[DesertFlower]

69. even on the days he has custody my granddaughter

takes care of the kids till he gets home from work. this way they're with their mom and he doesn't have to pay for a babysitter.

the biggest problem is he keeps begging her to come back to him. still wears his wedding ring. she's moved on and is already in a relationship with her ex boyfriend who introduced them.

[seabeyond]

3. wow, what a question. i just got up

and am drinkin my coffee. this is the first thread i read.

you laid it out well.

i dont know why. and i have no answer. i am sorry you are sittin where you do. i will get back to this later, but :hug: i hear you

[johnnyplankton]

6. Dont Project

When is she moving to Corsica?

[reggie the dog]

12. not certain, perhaps never, perhaps just said that to piss me off

ever since she left me i have demanded a 50 50 custody split and am willing to stay in the countryside in france until my girl is an adult (far from my family in chicago usa) yet she tells me she cant imagine stayin here more than a few years.

[quinnox]

9. it seems complicated

you are talking about different islands and so on and then say you want to come to the US with your daughter. It ain't that easy, you have to go through procedures and if you are a fugitive they will probably catch you and won't let you in the country.

Of course, if you are a us citizen then maybe it would be easier for you, but if you think you can take your daughter without getting her moms permission I think you are mistaken. That would be very unwise. That is my advice, don't even think about kidnapping your daughter.

[reggie the dog]

13. i am a us citizen

and working on the papers for daughter to become a us citizen

then take her for my bi yearly vacation to the usa and never come back (i would only even consider this if the mother moved away from me and took my daughter away i will live here and 50 50 split until our child is an adult if the mother stays here with the child)

[quinnox]

17. I wish you well but

I'm telling you if you ever did do this it would be a terrible mistake, and probably ruin your life and also your daughters as well.

Hopefully things won't get to that stage, and things will work out between you and the mother of the child so she will stay put if she knows how strong you feel about this. Anyhow, not sure if talking about this on a public forum is a great idea for you to be honest.

[Horse with no Name]

51. Your wife needs to put a passport watch on your child

but she will have to consent for the citizenship...so I doubt it will be done.

The US will also extradite in child custody.

[reggie the dog]

57. are you sure?

i asked a lawyer here about extradition and they said there was no agreement

you are right, she is stalling on the citizenship

she cant do a passport watch in france from what i have had explained to me by a lawyer, she consented to the passport, but in france they were trying to make it that you would need permission from one parent to go to another country with the kid but they abandoned it due to the inconvienece of having to pay a notary to go to countries in the schengen zone that dont check passports anyway

[Codeine]

15. My fiance cannot even move within the state of California

more than fifteen miles from her ex without getting permission from the father through the courts. She had to make special arrangements just to move over the county line even though it was within the distance specified by the custody court.

Even taking her son camping with us for a few days requires notification of the father, and if he wanted to be a dick he could say no and force us to go to the custody judge to gain permission for a simple weekend camping trip.

[Johonny]

65. My limit experience with the California Court on this is they can.

It would violate the court order, but it's a crap shoot that a judge would "care". Some people follow the court order but a lot of people don't. If you got the $$ to keep pushing the custody judge in court they might do something, but I know people that showed the spouse was in complete violation time and time again and the judge did nothing. Well they reassured that the spouse would from now on follow the agreements. I have always had a feeling the "following" of these court arrangements have a lot to do with how much $ you got in relationship to the other party.

[TBF]

16. Hope you can work it out without it coming to that Reggie -

considering all the dead-beat dads out there I would think your wife would be happy about your involvement and agree to 50/50, as long as that works out ok with your daughter's schooling and everything.

[LWolf]

19. My son got full custody of his son.

It wasn't easy, granted, but it can be done.

[blueamy66]

20. My guy let signed a paper to let his kid go to Columbia

to visit his family.....he had to sign to get the passport for his kid....I said NO....Columbia is not somewhere to let a kid go....but he did it to appease the boy's mother.....why do people have kids left and right??????

[alcibiades_mystery]

22. I also would not send a kid to Columbia University

What a pit.

They do have some nice Colombian restaurants up there though.

[blueamy66]

26. I'm talking about Columbia...the country :-)

What an effed up country that is.....but, he wanted his kid to see his family, so he signed the paperwork....hope he doesn't go back there anytime soon....

[alcibiades_mystery]

27. I get that, but the country is spelled Colombia

;-)

[reggie the dog]

37. i was married and happy when i fathered my daughter

and when her mother walked out on me, believe me i would much rather have stayed happily married to the mother of my child

[madinmaryland]

23. I was divorced about 20 years ago, and there was no stipulation whatsoever

about moving. I first moved 30 miles away, then to a state about three hours away for a year, then back and then finally to a state about six hours away. There were no court requirements that I knew of for moving, as long a cp was paid. She even moved for a few years two hours from where she had been.

:shrug:

I'll have to look at my decree to see if there is any language in it like that.

ETA: We had 50/50 joint custody, with her having physical custody.

[reggie the dog]

38. i am talking about 50 50 joint and physical custody

like as in my daughter lives in my home one week out of two and i want to keep it that way until she is 18

[blueamy66]

67. He had to sign for the passport to be issued.

Sorry, I spelled the country's name incorrectly.

My bad.

[snooper2]

24. In Canada if you don't pay your child support they take your license

Learned that from some hobo's on youtube :rofl:

[jberryhill]

25. Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction

I suggest you read and understand that treaty to which the US and France are both signatories.

Extradition is irrelevant.

[reggie the dog]

39. very interesting, but france and russia are memebers too

and there was a case recently where the ex wife was russian and her new boyfriend kidnapped the kid and the russian govt didnt care. that is very interesting reading at any rate, thank you for the link

[jberryhill]

43. Be that as it may, France and the US are not Russia

Think "Elian Gonzalez".

[reggie the dog]

45. ah, thanks for the wisdom

[LiberalAndProud]

28. As you consider this option, are you thinking, "What is the best possible outcome for my daughter?"

I didn't think so.

Children with exes make your life more difficult, more constrained, more painful. Consequences. Don't make your daughter pay them any more than she must.

[seabeyond]

30. really, that has always got to be the bottomline. my brother had over a decade fighting for his

daughter. and it really was fighting for her, not ownership, but fighting for her health and wellness. and ALWAYS, the question he asked himself was best for her. the motehr did not. and because of this, the daughter was damaged. and stayed with her longer than what should have been.

but brothers thought as always the daughters welfare.

i dont know if in the long run, it was a pay off, but it was the only way he could do it.

[Marrah_G]

32. Very good advice.

[reggie the dog]

40. basically if mom moves to an island

my kid will see me 2 months of the year, whereas if i dissapear with my kid she never sees her mother, i know this is worse than 2 months of the year but having daddy time go from 6 months down to 2 is also shitty.

[LiberalAndProud]

72. Believe me, I understand.

There are things you can change (your behavior) and things you cannot change (your ex's behavior.) There is no right answer.

I send you a cyberhug and a heartfelt wish for the best possible outcome for your daughter and for you.

:hug:

[lynne]

29. I would think that any restrictions on moving would have to be incorporated -

- into the divorce decree itself. When I was divorced, we had some rules and regs regarding visitation, vacation time with our daughter incorporated into the document. Maybe that differs from state to state or maybe things have changed with time as my divorce was 25 years ago.

The well being and happiness of your daughter needs to be your only consideration. That should be how you make your decision.

[Marrah_G]

31. Well, seeing as that is how things are there...

As unfair as it is, I think that you really need to consider asking your girlfriend to move with you to follow your child. At some point it has to become all about the child, no matter how unequal the laws are. Perhaps you could find a group of like minded fathers and fight for change. Until then, your child needs his father.

[reggie the dog]

41. i agree, i would consider moving to follow my kid

and our lawmakers have a bill proposed to make 50 50 physical custody the default custody in divorces, so there is a lobby pushing for change here in france already. my girlfriend wouldnt move to follow my kid, i asked her, but what the hell, i can find a new girlfriend.

[Marrah_G]

55. Sounds like you have your priorities right and are a good dad Reggie

I really hope things work out for you and for your child. Who knows, maybe the move will prove to be a positive thing for all of you.

[LanternWaste]

34. I think if the child is our priority

I think if the child is our priority, our own wants and considerations (in addition to our self-martyrdom) are secondary (at best) to the child's best interest.

Everything else is merely rationalizing.

[Lance_Boyle]

56. Being a divorced father means 'shut up and send the checks.' n/t

[Manifestor_of_Light]

59. Being a divorced mother means "shut up and send the checks".

[reggie the dog]

60. i only earn 60% of what my wife earns

i could get her for alimony but i am not, she will give me a 50 50 time share split custody as i have had since she left me, no child support and no payments from her to me

i left the usa to follow her for her career and delayed my own for our family. so i think i could get money from her but i dont want her money.

[PeaceNikki]

71. Cry me a river.

For every one of those there's a man who abandons every financial and emotional obligation to their kids.

[sibelian]

78. That doesn't really help.

Both hypothetical cases leave something to be desired.

[JustAnotherGen]

58. It goes state by state in the US

In NY State - I had a partner for 6 years who was the 'rich dad' . . . he got ALLLLLLL kinds of stipulations about how far SHE could move with their kids. But their divorce was messy messy messy. At the end of the day he was happy to pay the far above the 'tables' in child support to sort of 'bribe' her to go along to get along. She DID have some severe mental health issues and about 2.5 years into our relationship, they came to live with us full time, with he as the custodial parent - and her getting EOW and Wednesdays.


Now my brother's ex - not the level of 'assets' but still messy. He finally let her move to VA from NY with my niece - and a disaster happened. Niece came home for Thanksgiving visitation - he found out about the disaster and how his ex handled it. Basically by failing to report her child had been raped at gunpoint and provide her with follow up health care the state of VIRGINIA allowed him to petition for custody and he won. Took about 4 weeks.

Finally - having had a long distance torrid love affair with a French man a few years back - who had two children from a marriage and one from a brief relationship . . . the children of marriage? His ex wife had all the power control. I actually found the French laws to be rather archaic in terms of how little significance they assign to fathers. :-( But the littlest bit - he had custody of - but ONLY because the mother did not want her. Very sad situation all around.

I wish you the best though. Hugs.

[laundry_queen]

64. I feel for you.

I really do.

Many of us, when we had children, planned a 'happy family' and made a commitment to stay together and took that commitment seriously.

Then our spouses walked out, and crushed our dreams, destroyed our lives and devastated our children. I'd say in most cases where the spouse up an leaves for no good reason (ie abuse, addiction, dysfunction) that spouse lacks empathy for you and the children and is only concerned with themselves and what makes their lives happier/easier and screw everyone else. People like that rarely change.

I'd say to you, since I remember your posts, is it's not a women thing. It's a selfish, narcissistic thing. Your ex sounds like she doesn't take seriously the impact this will have on your child. However, your 'option' is no option at all. That puts you on par with your ex on the selfish thinking. You WILL destroy your child's life by doing that. Please don't do that.

Going from 6 months seeing your daughter to 2 months is awful, unimaginable. I think I'd want to hurt someone if they tried to do that to me and my kids. Where I am, once you file for divorce, or are divorced, both parents have to agree to a move, OR there has to be some sort of monumental benefit for the child in the move. Now, I didn't think France was that backwards - so they don't have a law about this? No family court precedent? Do you have a lawyer?

If the worst case scenario happens, the best thing you can do is contact your daughter at every. single. opportunity. I can't stress that enough. My ex whines about not being able to see his kids but he never comes to see them, and he skips visits and never calls. I can see it in my kids' faces, how they are beginning to believe he doesn't give a crap. If you FIGHT for your daughter at ever turn, then she will know (no matter what her mom may tell her) that you care and that she is worth fighting for. Kids aren't stupid. They know. If your ex moves, your child WILL eventually figure out what a selfish move that was on the part of her mother. The key here is patience. My oldest was devastated when we moved away from her dad (my story's pretty different from yours though, I had my ex's ok) and insisted she was going to move back when she was 14 (the age to choose where I am). By the time she hit 14, she had realized her dad didn't keep promises, was something of a narcissist and the reason we had moved was HIS fault, not mine. She definitely is pulling away from him now - and I don't 'poison' her either, but I am truthful. The other day they took a health class and talked about emotional abuse and she came home and said to me, "Mom! you were ABUSED by Dad! Did you know that?" Things like that will shape their opinions about the situation and if you are the selfless and caring one, you will be the one to come out ahead with the close relationship and an emotionally healthy daughter. It's hard to keep faith and have patience that it will work out, but it WILL if you are loving and caring and empathetic with your child.

[Lyric]

66. Rhythm's ex-husband took their daughter and moved to Australia.

He didn't get permission. He didn't even TELL her he was going to do it until it was already done. And unless we could fork over a huge wad of cash to go fight it out in court, there wasn't a damned thing anyone was willing to do for us.

I assure you, women are NOT the only ones who do this shit--or get away with it.

[knitter4democracy]

70. You might want to read the order again. Moving away means court.

I have sole custody after two custody battles, and I cannot move further than 50 miles away or out of the county without the judge's permission, and in order to do so, I have to prove to the court that there's a need and that where we're moving is safe.

My state, Michigan, is more progressive in this regard, but most orders include language on where the custodial parent can move, how that can happen, and what stipulations have to be met first.

[Exultant Democracy]

73. Knowing what you know you should think about asking to have this thread locked and deleted

one sentence taken out of context may hurt you down the line. I'm not a lawyer so take it for what you will.

[Odin2005]

74. My cousin was lucky to win custody of his 2 kids rather than his psycho ex.

He had to fight like hell, but he got them, thank dog.

[tammywammy]

80. I have a friend that shares 50/50 custody with their father

The kids stay with their mom one week and the father the next. While the mom (my friend) doesn't live in the school district her children attend, her husband drops them off at school when they have them, the father lives in the school district.

The father makes quite a bit of money, so he pays child support, though only like $400/month for each child (there are two). The mom has much better health insurance so she covers them.

It seems to work out for the most part. The father did take her to court to try and get full custody and child support from the mother after she married last year. He though since her husband makes a lot that he would get quite a bit. The court squashed that idea.

The thing I will say about the Texas court system, is that it's really expensive. I have another friend who's son is trying to get custody of his 4 children. Their mother is, frankly unfit. It's cost them a lot of money, I mean A LOT of money, in the court system for him to get it. It's getting closer, but they think that the mother will soon want to just give up parental rights. Also, she wanted to move to Arizona (no job, no family other than a dad in prison) and the court said "no way".

[TNLib]

83. I think kidnapping your child would be a terrible mistake

I wouldn't do that to your daughter, she may end up hating you for it. If I could not get joint custody legally I would just do everything in my power to stay near or stay in touch with the child and that would include following the mother to wherever she goes.

[Book Lover]

84. "am i a monster for considering this option?"

You're asking the wrong people. Ask your daughter: she's the one whose life will be irrevocably altered by you taking her away from her mother for as long as she is a minor. Or it could be for forever - who knows the kind of damage you will do to their relationship?

[southernyankeebelle]

87. In Tn a parent cannot move to another state without the permission of

the other parent. If a parent takes it to court the parent that wants to take the child will ususally lose. I know a girl that wanted to take her child to TX because she was going to finish some college. He ex husband fought the move and she couldn't move.