The Week's Best Late-Night Pokitical Jokes

[Playinghardball]

Great day today! Obama didn't speak. Congress didn't act. Experts on vacation. And the Dow soared 400 points. There's a lesson in there." —Jay Leno

"China has told us our days of squandering borrowed money are over. So maybe we shouldn't tell them we just spent $76 million going to the Smurf movie." —Conan O'Brien

"Sarah Palin is bringing her bus to Iowa. She's not going to be part of the debate, just close enough to drown it out. I swear she's going to run for Mayor of Cockblockington." —Jon Stewart

"Michele Bachmann was asked if she was a submissive wife. She said no, but her husband is." —Jay Leno

"Newsweek is taking heat for calling Michele Bachmann 'The Queen of Rage.' Michele says, 'There's only one raging queen in our household, and it's not me.'" —Conan O'Brien

"I look at that picture and say, isn't that a little soon to be doing a female re-make of the 40-Year-Old Virgin?" —Jon Stewart

"Man, America's credit rating took a real hit this weekend. On Friday night, the U.S. actually lost its AAA status. Or as Joe Biden put it, 'What happens if I get a flat tire?'" —Jimmy Fallon

"By the way, the ratings agency is Standard & Poor's. Who's going to listen to a company whose name translates to Average & Below Average?" —Jon Stewart

"S&P downgraded the United States from AAA to AA+, and it gets worse. Today, Italy, England, and Greece un-friended us on Facebook." —Jay Leno

"S&P makes a $2 trillion mistake. Or as it's known in financial circles, a "Trump." —Daily Show tweet

"America gets a double A plus? The only other countries with that rating are Belgium and New Zealand. That's us now. Waffle-eating kiwis, putting mayonnaise on our French fries with a serious Hobbit infestation." —Stephen Colbert

http://politicalhumor.about.com/b/2011/08/15/the-weeks-best-late-night-jokes-132.htm