When a gay kid grows up in a military household. Goodbye D.A.D.T.

Snoutport

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Fri Jul-22-11 12:10 PM
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When a gay kid grows up in a military household. Goodbye D.A.D.T.

I know that the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell doesn't effect most of the population in a direct way but I would like to share with you the feelings of this military brat.

My father trained Green Berets in survival instruction during Vietnam. He played "The Ballad of the Green Berets" until he knew every word. He wept proudly when he took me to see the John Wayne movie "The Green Berets". He wept because, in real life, those Green Berets dying were the boys he had taught to survive the jungle. I was in awe of my dad and learned every word to that danged song too and would sing it along with him. The message was loud and clear: real men join the service. Real men serve their country.

My mother was a Navy pilot and air traffic controller. She had left medical school and joined the Navy. She was a very smart woman with nerves of steel. She is a non-stop worker and showed me that military people are hard working. She showed me that even the smartest people of their generation join the service. Brainiacs serve their country.

My brother was in the Air Force in Germany. He was a wingnut. 'nuff said.

When I moved away from the farm to the big city my father walked out to my car and handed me his grandfather's WWI service pistol. He had had it cleaned and polished. When he passed I was given the 8x10 portrait of his grandfather in his military uniform shooting the very gun I was given. My mom's dad worked on the atomic projects in New Mexico. The list in my family goes on and on. We are a service family.

And then there was me. My dad taught me to shoot (not only guns, but bow and arrow and slingshot as well--you never know when you are going to have to make a slingshot so you can kill and eat a squirrel), he had me in judo classes at age 4 and he raised me with a military code of honor.

But as I grew up I realized I was gay. I had a boyfriend in 5th grade and it was pretty clear to me at an early age what direction I was heading in.

When I got old enough to realize that gay and military didn't mix it was quite upsetting. I was in my early teens and it hit me hard when I realized that I would be the oddball in my family. There would be no military service for me because the military said I was not good enough for them. It was heartbreaking and I knew my father would be disappointed that I would not be in the military. I didn't beat myself up for being gay but I did feel like less of a person knowing that I was not good enough to be military. A young ego is easily hurt when society sends such a message. I think I looked down on myself for many years because was not military material. I was less than my brother. I was less than my cousins. I was not good enough to serve my country.

The military is a right of passage for many people gay or straight. Gay people love this country very much. When I read yesterday that Ghana was rounding up all of their gay people it reminded me of how much I love the United States. But D.A.D.T. was a slap in the face of every gay youth. It was a slap in the face to the gay warriors who are already putting their lives on the line. It was a slap in the face to anyone who loves this country as a pillar of democracy and civil rights.

I feel good today knowing it is almost over. I feel good knowing that the service is now an option to those struggling gay teens who need some direction. The military is a hand-up to so many people. I have tears in my eye knowing that hand is now extended to my gay brothers and sisters.