The Lunatic's Guide to Hacking Into Anyone's Voicemail

[Ian David]

The Lunatic's Guide to Hacking Into Anyone's Voicemail

The News of the World, the British tabloid tasked with reporting the news of the world, closed its doors this weekend, in the outfall of a massive phone hacking scandal. Investigators working for the paper are alleged to have hacked into the voicemail boxes of various figures, recording, manipulating and deleting messages, all in the course of gathering the world's news. People who have suffered these intrusions include politicians, British celebrities, real celebrities and most damningly, the victims of crimes. Editors have been arrested, the public has shat and in an attempt to control the scandal, Rupert Murdoch, the owner of the paper, decided to pull the plug on it, depriving the world from its only source of news.

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So, out of a desire to get some pageviews, and to create a world capable of gathering its own news, I've published the following guide on how to hack into anyone's voicemail system. I'm trusting you guys to use this only on unliked celebrities or unsympathetic victims of crimes. If Ben Affleck gets bitten by a dog is what I'm thinking.

To illustrate this article, I will be hacking in to the voicemail of the famous Food Network chef Rachel Ray. While conducting research for a book I'm writing, How to Creep On the Stars of the Food Network, I ended up leaving 28 messages on her voicemail system. The content of these messages are both troubling and deeply erotic, and I've since decided they should remain a private matter best heard only by me and my fevered brain. The deletion of these voicemails will be the goal of the remainder of this column.

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