Planet Earth Doesn't Know How To Make It Any Clearer It Wants Everyone To Leave

[stevedeshazer]

EARTH—According to a statement released to the press Tuesday, the planet Earth has "just about run out of ways" to let its roughly 6.9 billion human inhabitants know it wants them all to leave.

Following a recent series of disastrous floods along the Mississippi River and destructive tornadoes across much of the United States—as well as a year of even deadlier natural catastrophes all over the world—the Earth said its options for strongly implying that it no longer wants human beings living on it have basically been exhausted.

"At this point, I think I've stated my wishes quite loudly and clearly," the Earth's statement to all of humanity read in part. "I haven't exactly been subtle about it, you realize. I have literally tried to drown you, crush you, starve you, dehydrate you, pump you full of diseases, and suck your homes and families into swirling vortices of death. Honestly, what more is it going to take for you people to get the message?"

"Do I have to spell it out for you?" the statement continued. "Get the fuck out of here. I want you to leave now."

Yeah, it's The Onion. http://www.theonion.com/articles/planet-earth-doesnt-know-how-to-make-it-any-cleare,20639/

[PoliticAverse]

1. Sorry Earth you had your chance but Noah outsmarted you... n/t

[StarsInHerHair]

9. nah, the Flood of Deucalion came way earlier, & then there's the Sumerian

Utnapishtim,.......http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deucalion http://ancienthistory.about.com/od/myths/qt/101807Deucalion.htm

Bible commits a number of intellectual property thefts/copycats, but hey, whatever

[Rhiannon12866]

2. I hoped that this was The Onion.

Sad post. K&R. :(

[RandomThoughts]

3. Interesting comment.

Function not data, since I am not leaving. Why? Because I am due beer and travel money.

Although I disagree that it would be 'Earth' saying that.



Jessica Alba - Sin City Bar Scene
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfpKjRitYdE


Brothers in Arms - Dire Straits
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5JkHBC5lDs

Bonnie Raitt - I Can't Make You Love Me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nW9Cu6GYqxo

Bonnie Raitt - Nick Of Time
http://www.123video.nl/playvideos.asp?MovieID=407128

Dire Straits - Walk of Life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZxVC0GB838


Constantine - Bring me to life (Evanescence)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dx8d3K_hngw

[RaleighNCDUer]

4. One of these days Gaia is going to shrug us all off into space.

We are a bad itch on her skin.

[cherokeeprogressive]

5. It's not PC to believe in God, but it's perfectly acceptable to believe in a dirt goddess.

Mmmmkay. It might be the Onion, but I'll bet there are MANY DU'ers who ascribe to such a notion.

[pokerfan]

6. Not a believer in Gaia hypothesis

but...

[cherokeeprogressive]

7. But...

:rofl:

[aquart]

8. Not everyone. Us.

[Javaman]

10. The earth doesn't give a damn about us.

we humans love to anthropomorphise everything.

The earth just is.

We label it as being tired of us. We want to save it.

The universe goes on without us.

We are a very ego-centric bunch.

and if you think we are so special? The dinosaurs were still the most successful larger life form on the planet. They were around for at least 250 million years. We aren't even a fart in the wind compared to that.

The earth will do what it does. We are just along for the ride. Sadly, we don't even know how to properly take care of our own ride.

[Rebubula]

12. Well said.

Better than I could have said...

[Shagbark Hickory]

11. +! We trash this fucking planet and breed endlessly. I don't blame Earth one bit.