I just got home from burying my 38 year old nephew......

[madmom]

Why do men refuse to go to the doctor when they are sick? He has been sick since about Christmas, loosing weight rapidly always tired. His family urged him to see a doctor, but he insisted he was ok. He was found in his bed, dead.:cry: Won't know for sure what happened, toxicology reports due back in about 6-8 weeks.

[sabrina 1]

1. I am so sorry!

How terribly sad ...

:hug:

[sabrina 1]

3. I did rec this

Can't imagine why anyone would unrec such a sad and personal OP.

:cry: and

:kick:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear madmom...

Oh, no.

I think it's a combination of "there's nothing wrong with me" and fear.

I'm so sorry to hear this...

I hope that in time your good memories will help sustain you...

Right now, I know it's tough...

My deepest condolences to you and his whole family and friends too...everyone who loved him...

I hope he didn't suffer...

:hug:

[SharonAnn]

86. I understand. 9 yrs ago my stepson died at 41 of a heart attack

His young daughter and her friend found him the next morning when he didn't wake up.

People he worked with said he had a terrible problem with "indigestion" for 2 days prior and had gone home early from work. They told him to go to the doctor and he said he was going to the doctor, but he didn't. He had insurance, but of course there would've been a co-pay.

He hated doctors and just didn't ever want to go to one.

It was a shock to receive that phone call and I've often wondered if there was anything we could've done but perhaps there was not. He didn't live in the same town any longer and he absolutely refused to go to the doctor for problems. He'd been lucky before, but not this time.

What a waste. He was a wonderful man and the world is poorer without him.

I'm so sorry for you and your family. It's just such a heartbreak when it's your children and especially when it seems that it could've been prevented.

[Ohio Joe]

4. My condolences

RIP

[PlanetBev]

5. That's a good question, madmom

It's very common for men to blow off their health. Maybe some kind of misguided macho thing.

My deepest sympathies to you and your entire family.

[Shagbark Hickory]

20. Yeah or maybe because it costs $500 to see the doctor and another $500 to run a few labs.

[Maru Kitteh]

35. This is quite sadly the thing that keeps MILLIONS of us, male and female, from seeking

medical care. It's a damn travesty.

[RandomKoolzip]

38. Bingo. +1

I have unexplained pains EVERYWHERE. Can I afford to go to the hospital? No. I'm still paying for that one emergency room visit I had in 2009 when I was on my bike and got hit by an opening car door.

This is some kind of mystery to people? We can't afford medical care.

[Shagbark Hickory]

75. You sure it's not because...

We macho cave man. ARg arg. We doctor no need arg arg. ((pounds chest))

[RandomKoolzip]

81. I make under $1000 a month.

Emergency room visits here in Chicago cost hundreds of dollars. If I make one expenditure like that, I won't be able to make rent or pay bills. I'm already in the red because of recent car repairs and aforementioned old hospital visits. And anyone who knows me knows I'm the opposite of the macho caveman type - I'm a frigging LIBRARIAN, fer chrissakes!

[Shagbark Hickory]

90. Sounds macho cave man to me ARG ARG. Me caveman too. ARG ARG. nm

[Voice for Peace]

94. macho caveman librarian?

[Shagbark Hickory]

97. Are you saying cavemen can't be librarians?

[Voice for Peace]

110. hahaha no no I would never say that.

just trying to clarify.

[a2liberal]

78. Just curious:

Were you not able to get it covered by the driver's insurance?

[Shagbark Hickory]

91. I'm not a cop, nor do I play one on TV, but my guess is because the cyclist hit the car door...

I myself have trouble seeing how the driver is at fault there. It's unfortunate, bad timing.
One time an old bag pulled out in front of me and I slammed my bike into her car. My bad for driving a bike 30mph on a sidewalk. Her bad for not looking more closely. It's a wash.

[a2liberal]

107. Ok thanks, maybe that's it, I read it differently

I interpreted "got hit by an opening car door" as the door hitting the cyclist from behind.

[Shagbark Hickory]

109. You may have read it correctly and I misinterpreted it.

I was envisioning a door opening just as the bike was passing.

[FLPanhandle]

92. Not exactly true

I've seen insurance industry profitability tables. There is a reason the insurance industry loves to insure young men and that's because their data shows that men (even with the best insurance) don't use it.

I'll quote an insurance exec on this "Young guys only go to the doctor if a limb is falling off, they are pure profit".

I agree that when things get serious for men, then the price becomes a factor.

[spooked911]

95. I'm sure the cost is a big factor though there is the macho thing.

I had an uncle in Canada, where health care is a different story, who died of colon cancer because he resisted going to the doctor until it was far too late.

[inna]

43. "misguided macho thing"??????

dude, the only thing "misguided" is your comment. are you an American? fyi, dozens of thousands DIE EVERY year in this country simply because of lack of coverage.

:nuke:

[Shagbark Hickory]

76. 129 people a day to be more precise. All macho cave men.

:sarcasm:

[Divernan]

89. One reason married men live longer than single men - their wives MAKE them see doctors.

Seriously, I've read the statistic on it, and I've seen it repeatedly in my own life and others'.

Sorry for your shocking loss, madmom - he was far too young to die.

[Shagbark Hickory]

93. Where'd you read that from, the 700 Club newsletter?

I kid.

[NEOhiodemocrat]

6. So sorry for your family's loss

[monmouth]

7. My heart goes out to you and yours. So very sorry...n/t

[JI7]

8. i don't know but i know a few other cases where this happened

people just refusing to go. and it's not always about the money either as there were cases where family even gave money to get help.

do you know if he was depressed ? that could be the case for some where they don't really care whether they get better physically because they are in a sad place.

i'm sorry for your loss.

[nadinbrzezinski]

9. So sorry for your loss

[malaise]

10. Deepest sympathy madmom :grouphug:

Damn that's way too young to die.

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

11. Some people don't want bad news

And while I agree men are more likely to do it, it's not a gender thing. It's just how some people are.

[Old and In the Way]

12. So sorry to read this....must have been a very difficult day for your family.

Thoughts are with you madmom...

[AverageJoe90]

13. Oh dear.........

I am so, so, sorry you lost him so young........my condolences. :cry: :-(

[aquart]

14. I'm so sorry.

My sister says she once visited a graveyard with a tall stone listing one man's lifetime accomplishments, full of degrees and awards. The list ended with, "but didn't have sense to come in out of the rain."

Which is why we are so proud of my BIL, who had the sense to call an ambulance when his heart rate suddenly shot up, we found out, to 200. Yesterday.

I'm guessing that family members are going to beat themselves up with what they should have done to get him to the doctor, because it hurts and they're angry as well as grieving because it feels avoidable. That's just part of the process. Forgiveness takes a while.

38 is too young.

[joeybee12]

15. That's so sad...so sorry to hear this...

RIP.

:cry:

[ej510]

16. The men in my family are the same way. I can admit I am the same way

because I do not want to go back into debt.

[Kaleva]

17. Very sorry to hear that!

[Octafish]

18. Please accept my deepest sympathies and heartfelt condolences, madmom.

Each person is a miracle, an infinite universe who shares their light with our common world.

Losing any one at any time is almost too much to bear.

Please know you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.

[WillyT]

19. I'm So Sorry madmom...

:grouphug:

Peace...

[mrcheerful]

21. Speaking as a man all I can come up with is some times it is better not to know your as ill

as everyone says and just accept that you either live or die. Not to be harsh or anything because I recently lost my best friend of 54 years to cancer and he had been seeing a doctor, he went through chemo and everything, but it never stopped the cancer. Then theres my dad who passed 3 years ago this coming September who just blew off his liver cancer as just an upset stomach for 2 years before the doctors found the cancer, within 2 months he was gone, my best friend went thru 2 years of suffering to meet the same end.

If I have my way I would prefer to go out as my dad did then my best friend. Then you have to look at how the person was raised, my dad, my friend and myself all have had to work hard to just make it through pay check to pay check no matter how we felt or how sick we were until we had no choice but seek medical attention. 2 years ago when I had my heart attack I didn't seek medical help for 5 days while having minor heart attacks because the same pains I was experiencing were the same pains I got when I mowed the lawn. What made me seek medical help was on the 5th day the symptoms didn't go away as they had the past 4 days, sometime during those 5 days I had a major heart attack and didn't know it nor could the doctors tell when it happened they just saw the damage done to my heart. So I came really being close to ending life as your 38 year old nephew. These are learned behaviors of the working people out there who can't afford to take a day off to see a doctor every time we don't feel good.

I feel for your loss and my deepest sympathies to you and your family
Mr.C

[progressoid]

22. So sorry.

Unfortunately, this isn't limited to men. I have nearly have to drag my wife to the doctor.

Peace to you and your family.

[Warpy]

23. The toxicology sounds like it might be negative or non lethal

I have no idea why they balk at going to a doctor. I know I had to be rather brutal to get my ex to one when he was really sick, usually with the flu going into pneumonia, but I finally got him trained. I hope his subsequent wives appreciate my hard work.

I am sorry you lost your nephew at such a young age.

[readmoreoften]

39. My best friend just died at 38 from failure to get a check up.

Died from high cholesterol.

[malaise]

80. Our good friend's son is recovering from a stroke

at age 34. He has a history of migraine and apparently there is some link to scar tissue on the brain. He's just beginning to talk again but still has no movement on the right side. The experts say he will recover, but it sure scared the hell out of all of us.

[Cali_Democrat]

24. I'm sorry for your loss

Rapidly losing weight and always tired? Those are big red flags. Sounds like it could have been some kind of blood disease/cancer.

[blm]

25. (( ))

.

[PeaceNikki]

26. .

:hug:

Peace and comfort to all that loved him. I am so sorry for your loss. :(

[bigwillq]

27. I am sorry for your loss.

:hug:

[Iggo]

28. Wow. I'm sorry for your loss.

:hug:

[juajen]

29. I'm so sorry. That is very sad. Maybe the cost of treatment?

[601Liberal]

54. I was gonna ask the same question

First, I'm sorry for your loss. But did he not go to the doctor because he was afraid to go or because he couldn't afford to go?

[Peter1x9]

30. As a man,

the first thing that immediately pops into my head about going to the doctors is the cost of treatment. We shouldn't be forced to choose between being healthy and being buried in a mountain of medical debt.

[Glimmer of Hope]

31. I am sorry. That is so sad.

[ThatsMyBarack]

32. l avoid going to the doctor because.....

I don't want to get stuck with a sky-high bill Blue Cross will find some excuse(s) not to cover. I'd rather die than end up in debtors' prison!

[madmom]

33. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.. for those who asked

I don't think it was a money problem, he had a very good job, he was single and the last time I talked with him he was not depressed, or at least didn't appear to be. He was always a happy cheerful person and his co-workers were even stunned, because he was the last person anyone would have suspected. As we were spreading the news among family, everyone at first thought it was his brother, because he has always been the unhealthy one. To say it was a shock is quite an understatement. Again thank you all for your thoughts.:grouphug:

[MrsBrady]

70. I'm so sorry for your loss

I've lost several friends in the last few months, all too young, in my opinion.
Two of the three were shockers, so I know what that's like to be blindsided like that.

In 2004 I lost a young friend. Losing someone when they are young is really really hard. :hug:
I miss my grandparents terribly and I was a wreck when they died, but I knew it was coming.
And he had only been married for two years, which just makes it even more tragic...because it ruined his wife's life, really, as well.
But his was an accident...he wasn't sick.

Single men often don't get the help they need, simply because they don't have wives at home to bug them about getting help.
They say this is sometimes a problem when single males are suicidal as well, because there is no one around to notice they are in trouble.
I'm generalizing, but I think you know what I mean.
My husband and I were dating and then got married while he was dealing with bouts of MRSA, that we were finally able to beat...but it took a year and a half of
hard work on both our parts to beat it. (And that would be another whole entire OP for me to discuss what he and I had to do to actually get rid of it, not just stop outbreaks.)

He told me that he's not sure if he would have taken care of himself properly if I had not been there to help and nag him.
Actually, he said he might have been dead. Once he realized how serious it was after the 2nd or 3rd infection, he started doing what he was supposed to do, etc.
He said that he was sort of thinking that he would just get better and that he still had this teen mentality that he was invincible.
He was never hospitalized as his infections were luckily localized and not systemic. But he was very sick with each outbreak.

He doesn't let things go quite like he used to now, though. I see a change in him.

My condolences. :hug:

[emilyg]

34. I am so very sorry.

[Liberal_in_LA]

36. sorry. Losing weight rapidly is a sign to go to the doctor asap.

Sorry he died so young.

[Darth_Kitten]

37. I'm very sorry for your loss.

:hug:

[zinnisking]

40. When you find out, please let us know what happened, if you're feeling up to it.

It could be a wake up call for some people here.

Yesterday I called the clinic to make an appointment. The doctor that I always have gone to can't see me until 7-18. I think I'll call back tomorrow and see if anyone else is available sooner.

I'm in my early thirties. I have a crumby job and zero insurance. As others above have said, it's a money issue. There are issues now with my body that I can't ignore. So I'll bite the bullet.

So sorry for your loss.

[Darkhawk32]

41. As a 38 year old man, quite frankly, I can't afford to go to the doctor when I'm sick.

Between taking care of my kids 1/2 the time, paying 1/4 of my income to my cheating ex-wife in "child support", car payment and household bills, I barely have enough for $4.00/gallon gas, much less a huge doctor bill.

[applegrove]

42. vibes to your family.

[krispos42]

44. Oh, jeez

:-(

[Yo_Mama]

45. Very sorry for all the family and for you

I know this is not just normal grief but grief with a special layer of wounding angst.

[lonestarnot]

46. I am sorry madmom.

:hug:

[LeighAnn]

47. I was where you are recently

My heart goes out to you and I feel deeply sorry for everyone in your family.

We buried my 22-year-old nephew on April 22 and it was the worst day of my life :(

He was supposed to be taking medication for Crohn's disease, but wasn't (couldn't afford it... missed open enrollment on insurance... didn't think it was a big deal because he hadn't had symptoms in some time).

The state of Florida wouldn't perform an autopsy because they said he "obviously died of Chrohn's disease" but it can't be true. Nobody drops dead from Crohn's disease, they're terribly sick for days/weeks/months/years before it comes to that. We'll never know what happened, and it doesn't matter anyway. He's gone and we're devastated.

I'm terribly sorry you are suffering as well :(

[OhioChick]

48. My condolences.....

:hug:

[cry baby]

49. condolences, madmom. very sad. nt

[aikoaiko]

50. Sorry for your troubles. Its a reminder to us to take care of our health as best we can.

My condolences to you and yours.

[Taverner]

51. We don't want to appear weak

To varying degrees

Right now I am working "Contract to Perm!"

And the last thing you want to appear as, is weak

And going to the doctor once will label you as such

[Flatulo]

52. My condolences. Some people refuse to seek medical attention

because they are more fearful of receiving treatment than of dying.

[MedicalAdmin]

69. I won't even get tests that I KNOW I need. Nor will I see a dentist which I desperately need.

My reason is this. There is no point in knowing I am sick or that my teeth are rotting when I can't afford the treatment that the tests would reveal I need. I can't afford the tests, so why bother to find out that I need treatment that I can't afford either. With any luck, my death, when it comes will be swift.

I am very sorry for your loss. 38 is too young. Please give our condolences and well wishes to your family. I will raise a parting glass.

[Dept of Beer]

53. Those are two signs of cancer. Very sorry.

[awoke_in_2003]

55. I can only speak for men my age (42)...

which is pretty close to your nephew's age. We are told that men are tough, suck it up- look at John Wayne. To show sickness is to show weakness- we are men, after all. Men don't whine, men get shit done (no, I am not advocating these views, but they are what they are)

[FourScore]

56. Oh no! 38 is too young!!! I'm so sorry madmom.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

:cry:

[slipslidingaway]

57. Others have mentioned the most common reasons, sincere condolences. n/t

[roguevalley]

58. I am sorry. I don't know why they don't either and I wish they would.

everyone who reads this that is male needs to see it as a tragic cautionary tale. I can't imagine your grief. Take care.

[Historic NY]

59. My condolences....i'm going through it with a friend.......

he ignore his health and such and even delayed treatment for months once it was established he had a cancer............drove me silly and I would yell at him....well his second round began yesterday and its not going to work....his final goodbye is less than 6 months. WTF. I don't really know if he knows...his SIL say 2 months. He took a lot of things for granted even when he had the best medical plan NY government employees have....really makes me :mad: he ignore it for months.

[TheKentuckian]

60. Peace, love, and calm

[Divine Discontent]

61. my sincere condolences

my sibling has lost a lot of weight (35%, but has stopped losing it for past few months) and is very weak, but they have an auto-immune disorder, and I hope it's not what it appears like. I, like others would like to hear in 6-8 weeks what the reports show that you mentioned. I am so very sorry about your loss... devastating, I understand. I think a lot of people don't like to go to the docs, based on money primarily, then the way you are treated, then worrying about what you may be told you have, then some just don't care.

We need universal healthcare.


God bless you

[MrMickeysMom]

62. There are never good answers to this, madmom...

I have a cousin who died after years of basically not taking care of himself. Perhaps the circumstances varied. Bottom line is that hindsight is 20/20 and his mother and father actually took better care of their own health, took care of his widow and family, were around more years for the grandchildren, perhaps.

We never know the cause and effect of the tragedy. Just help each other and know we hear your anguish.

:hug:

[pengillian101]

63. I am so sorry for you and your family's loss !

My nephews and niece are close in age to yours. They are all doing extremely well, but it was touch-and-go for awhile.

[DFW]

64. I hate hearing this, know many men are like that, but not all of us are

If I were like that, I'd be dead now.

I was about 36 hours away from a fatal heart attack, and had no prior warnings. I just felt a slight
shortness of breath, felt a twinge in my left shoulder, and knew my mom had suffered from high cholesterol,
so I decided to get checked out right away. It turns out I had 2 coronary arteries 99% blocked, and
was basically a walking corpse, just didn't know it. An emergency trip to a cardiac clinic, 2 stents
later, and a drastic change in diet, and here I am instead of my wife being a widow for the last 7 years.

But some guys just can't be told, I agree. A colleague back in Dallas was told he had clogged neck arteries,
and needed to be treated immediately. He had never been sick before, looked a healthy vigorous 60, and
decided he'd go in a week later, after hunting season was over. He dropped dead of a stroke two days into
his hunting trip.

It's always tragic when someone dies completely unnecessarily. Some people apparently think life is a rehearsal,
and they'll get it right next time.

There is no next time.

[rasputin1952]

65. My sincerest condolences...

:hug:

[Dorian Gray]

66. Oh goodness

I am so sorry for your loss. Tragic.

[Swagman]

67. gee..when you are 63 , 38 sounds so young. My sympathies,

[barbtries]

68. i'm so sorry.

:hug:

[MissDeeds]

71. I'm very sorry for your loss, madmom

:hug:

[lunatica]

72. I'm sorry for your family's loss

Whatever the reason it always hurts.

[Highway61]

73. So very sorry for your loss

n/t

[geardaddy]

74. I'm so sorry.

:hug:

[myrna minx]

77. I am so sorry.

May he rest in peace. :grouphug:

[Dystopian]

79. My heartfelt condolences....

peace~

[Pooka Fey]

82. Condolences.

I lost my niece to cancer when she was 33. She sought the best treatment available, but the cancer still killed her - it was too aggressive. Allow yourself to grieve - it takes a long time to grieve properly. The time will come when you can get through the day without crying, but it's not today. :hug:

[Beacool]

83. I'm terrible sorry.

My sincere condolences to you and your entire family.

May your nephew rest in peace.

:(

[Walk away]

84. It almost happened to me a few months ago.

By the time I got to a doctor my Blood Glucose levels were over 500 and I had dropped thirty pounds. Now I am a diabetic and under control but I was in complete denial. I have health insurance but I avoid doctors like the plague because the deductibles are high and limits on testing makes it incredibly expensive to diagnose anything.

I can understand why he would just want it to go away but it's a tragedy.

[southernyankeebelle]

85. I'm sad for you. I can relate. My brother died of lung cancer at the age of 39. He

never smoked a day in his life. He was our baby brother. I am still heart broken. He wasn't ready to die. He said he was to young. Not a day goes by that I dont think about him.

[BanzaiBonnie]

87. I am so sorry for your loss

[Name removed]

88. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Chorophyll]

96. I'm so sorry for your loss, Madmom.

:hug:

[patrice]

98. It's hard seeing a young one in a casket. My family & I share your sadness, madmom.

We lost one of our kids, 32 years old, earlier this year. Back injury, un-employed, no insurance, self-medicating . . . went off the deep end. I know a little about what you're feeling.

:grouphug: :cry: :grouphug:

[Romulox]

99. Universal Healthcare is required. Forcing people to buy insurance won't solve anything. nt

[Dr Fate]

100. Because even people who have insurance always end up shelling out $500 or more...

...for every doctor visit?

That is why I never go.

I am very sorry for your loss.

Just guessing, but even if he had insurance, he probably did not have an extra grand or so laying around.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

101. I'm so sorry, Madmom...

How tragic, to die so young. My heart goes out to you and all your family.

[hamsterjill]

102. My sympathies

So young...

[Demeter]

103. Condolences

Both my sister and I dealing with our father, same story. Committing suicide by passive aggression and refusal to follow medical advice.

My neighbor and her sister--dealing with both parents.

A client of mine, now in hospital from spontaneously fractured hip.

Life is pain, it's said. But losing one's life prematurely and senselessly leaves pain behind....

[harrose]

104. Madmom,

I'm so sorry for your loss. For whatever it's worth, however, your thread pushed me to do something that I've been avoiding for a few months -- scheduling my annual physical. I just made the appointment.

Harrose

[calimary]

105. I'm so sorry to hear this. My sympathies.

I'm wondering whether some of it had to do with your nephew's fear of what it might cost. Part of the whole damn health care crisis in this country - he wouldn't be the first to put off going to the doctor, even if there was a good reason to do so, for fear of how much it would cost. And the fears would likely encompass not merely the doctor's visit or the inevitable tests that would be prescribed. There's the added fear of - "well, what if those tests turn up something really horrible, and I can't afford to pay for the lab work or the X-rays or the MRI or God-only-knows-what-else in the initial round, let alone pay for the EXTENSIVE follow-ups that could be a lot more serious and horrifyingly costly. So - screw it."

If your nephew suspected something might be really radically wrong with him, perhaps he feared what all the tests and all the subsequent treatments would cost to himself and likely to his family, too, if he didn't have insurance, or enough insurance. Maybe he thought he was sparing his loved ones some catastrophic expenses that he couldn't possibly afford, and the anguish of the family having to live with that?

Hey, I have no idea, and I don't presume to be able to have read his mind. And I apologize if anything I've posted here might read as callous or calculating or uncaring. But I know of other cases in which treatment was put off or avoided altogether because the patient was just frickin' fearful of the eventual price tag. And in this day 'n' age, those costs are enough to horrify ANYBODY, even rich people.

It's just really sad and terrible and unnecessary. NO ONE should have to avoid necessary, possibly life-sustaining treatment they truly need, just because they can't afford it. In times of serious illness, I think that's THE LAST thing with which anyone should have to be burdened. And yet the "sucks to be you" crowd would make sure that's the National Policy because they just don't believe in single-payer health care coverage. What kind of country have we become?

[entanglement]

106. Sad, sorry for you and his family. Could be undiagnosed type I diabetes,

it is a killer if not detected timely.

[cal04]

108. I'm so sorry for your loss

:hug: :hug:
my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family