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Chicago
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Things You Shouldn't Put In Your Mouth


“I died twice in Chicago, its not so bad after that.”
~ 3rd Street Crip on Chicago

“I thought she liked me! Yesterday she seemed so excited for our first date and now she is coldly and cruelly shoving me away!”
~ A dumped Chicago man

The Greater Chicago Chrome Blob has been absorbing small children since 1438. Definitely the most super fantastic thing ever seen in Chicago, according to the all-knowing Chicago media, who are not to be questioned. This was the "UFO" seen in the area by politicians who were smoking giant bongs.

Chicago (pronounded "shikago") is one of the more ethnically diverse amusement parks in the US, and the largest suburb of Milwaukee. Chicago is the smallest hamster in the united states and resides in the state illinous(the state of chicago is often refered to as a city becasue it is so small).And is also known as the Hog Freedom Front For the World (HFFW) Since the inception of the "Fuck New York" Act in 1908, the City Council has launched an immigration drive for every culture in the world with the promise that they can enjoy corrupt politics outside of their home country and tell New Yorkers to go fuck themselves. It is always winter in Chicago except a brief period of thunderstorms and tornadoes. Its was recently voted Greatest City in America by Obesity Magazine, as well as by people who prefer to be left alone. Basically it's like the poor man's New York where any food not containing meat is banned. Chicago originally formed from something smelly that washed up on the shores of Lake Michigan.

Illinois was discovered in the late 1700's by migrant firemen during the Great Fireman Exodus of 1784, led by Shamusille O'Neil. The firemen were drawn to Illinois because of their lax policy on intra-animal marriage laws as well as the flat topography, which not only would better allow fire to spread but also was easy to build stadiums for Da Beass to play on. Immediately after it's discovery, the firemen began building pizza shops where Chicagoans could discuss Da See-ess Toweh, Da Beass, and Dei Bossis treatin dem lik BEBES. Mayor Kanye West wrote a song called, "One time I farted in Chicago." This song was critical to the building of the magic bean in magic park because bean symbolizes fartz.
Edit Early History sectionEdit Early History
The flag of Chicago. The four red stars represent four historic events in Chicago: The plundering of Fort Dearborn, the Great Chicago Fire, the Haymarket Riot, and the 1968 Democratic National Convention. The white background represents the city government's great, divine, virgin-like virtue, while the two blue stripes represent two top-class government organizations in Chicago: The Chicago Police Department, and Da Beass.

The following is factual information about the history of Chicagoland and her hinterlands:

Chicago is an Indian word (casinos, not call centers) meaning "Tomatoes, not catsup." But Whitey killed off all the redskins (except including the ones in Washington, D.C.), and the word took on several new, bizarre meanings such as "NO PEHPSI! " (Courtesy of the Billy Goat's Tavern). It is home to the highly prestigious university of the same name, where young adults are taught how to beg, drink jaba juice, cheer for Da Beass, and eat hot dogs.

Recent renovations of the airport have uncovered evidence has led scholars to additional insights regarding the origins of the city’s name. Early French explorers of the region adopted the name Chicago from the original indigenous inhabitants of the area. This name translates to “nest of flightless birds” in their native tongue. This really perplexed the explorers. When they asked the locals why they chose this name, nobody knew and they were also extremely bamboozled as to why they called their own land by this name. They explained that they dared not to change it because they did not want to anger the protective spirit, Popcornomar (pop-corn-o-mar). They were afraid of his ability to drown them in hot caramel glaze and stuff their souls into tiny paper bags to be sold to the other gods as snacks. Only recently historical scholars have been able to understand the context of the name in terms of flight delays out of O’Hare airport


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