"Wiener does not have a problem. He has a computer."

[Hamlette]

from Dan Savage in response to the press asking Wiener if he was going to get counseling or if he was drinking or on drugs when it happened.
http://andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com/2011/06/the-puritan-press.html

I love Dan Savage.

[Dreamer Tatum]

1. That is bullshit.

Good lord. A man has done serious damage to his career, his marriage, his family, and HIMSELF, and
some asshole has the nerve to say he doesn't have a problem.

Horseshit. Dan Savage has what is known as AN AGENDA, which is to attempt to frame this Weiner episode as
normal, I guess so he won't resign and everyone will look the other way.

But doing what he did, Congressman or not? That is indicative of a serious problem Weiner is having, for which
he should seek help.

Period.

[RaleighNCDUer]

4. If he has a problem, then so do probably 20 million other Americans.

C'mon, it's not as if this is uncommon. I would put good money down on the bet that you know 20 people who have done the same thing. It's not like he was flashing women in a parking lit.

Why would Savage frame this as normal? Because it is far too common to NOT be normal.

[seabeyond]

12. the number of marriages in trouble directly from this behavior has escalated seriously

per counselors in this area. it does seem to be effecting a lot of people, serious problem. i have heard more people of both gender end marriages because of this behavior. the one cheated on hurt. the one cheating saying just want my family back. and kids a mess in it all.

and it is like flashing, from the safety of home

[RaleighNCDUer]

16. The claim was that it was not normal - not that it was damaging.

It is damaging, of course, but it is ALSO very normal.

Just like cheating. Just like divorce.

And the people getting in trouble with this, today, are the same people who ten years ago would be getting in trouble with cheating, with office flirting, with ANY of the millennia-old problems that arise when a serially-monogamous species is forced into a strictly monogamous social structure.

[seabeyond]

19. what constitutes normal? majority? minority cheat. divorce for first marriage is 41%, minority

though a large minority. depending on the circumstances. for older and educated divorce was 15% and dropped to 11%. so divorce is far from normal in that group. young and uneducated, divorce is high. more normal.

the majority of people dont cheat on their mate.

i dont like to create new 'normals" to accomidate social pressures....

[RaleighNCDUer]

25. So it has to be a majority to be normal?

I guess that gays aren't normal, then. Neither are Jews. Or atheists. Neither are left-handers.

[seabeyond]

26. good point. hence me asking definition you are using.

i guess per definition, no gays atheists or jews (dont know the numbers) would be normal

Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.
Noun: The usual, average, or typical state or condition


but then i have never allowed normal to define me. have never felt i fit into normal so not offensive. always saw normal as majority.

if this post is offensive to anyone, i am merely going off the discussion of normal

[Bake]

27. He now! Wait a minute!

I'M LEFT HANDED!!!

:hi:

Bake

[seabeyond]

30. i have one of those. oldest son. i assure you, there is nothing normal about this kid

and wow... is he special. lol

[BR_Parkway]

22. I'd have to question if the marriages were in trouble already which led to

this type of behavior. Seems as though a relationship is in trouble with those involved stop communicating.

I know couples who would not have an issue with either of them sending out pics like this or even doing more - it works for them because they've communicated what their needs/wants are with their partners and come to a mutual understanding of what does/does not work for them.

[seabeyond]

23. i am sure there is some of that. and what i have been reading from all kinds of sources

is betrayal. and addiction. and a development of interference in the marriage. an accessability that use to not be there. like having chocolate and donuts in the house all the time. and get fat

[BR_Parkway]

32. Not disagreeing on increased availability - simply stating that anytime

someone is substituting anything else in place of a healthy relationship (within whatever boundaries those involved have established) there's a problem with the relationship. Fear of commitment, intimacy, dissatisfaction with partner, lack of communication, escape from other stress - any number of reasons that have been able to find outlets before the internet came along.

[ecstatic]

33. "20 million other Americans" exchange nude pics ANONYMOUSLY

Most are not idiotic enough to do so under their real name and while on the job.

[crikkett]

5. What he did was normal human behavior

and it's happening all over the world to just about everyone with both a libido and a computer.

[Dreamer Tatum]

6. I sort of doubt that. nt

[crikkett]

10. I can imagine why. There's nothing wrong with that. n/t

[seabeyond]

13. a poll on du (more than one) has shown that it is not even a close to normal or majority

or any such thing

[lumberjack_jeff]

28. Poll a representative sample.

few of those polled on DU have thousands of attractive opposite sex groupies.

For most of us, the fact that few people would ask for our nekkid photos is a contributing factor to our monogamy.

[seabeyond]

31. hm. i could walk out the door right now..... lol. nt

[kestrel91316]

8. Weiner doesn't need "help" for communicating with women on the

internet about private matters any more than I do for doing the same with men.

It's personal business.

Only difference is, he has a spouse to apologize to. I don't.

[hack89]

15. Does he need help for dishonesty and poor judgement? nt

[Hamlette]

9. I think you misidentified Savage's agenda

Savage has an agenda to talk about sex frankly and realistically. People are horny, some more so that others. There is a ton of this stuff going on in fact laws are being rewritten and reinterpreted to not consider high school kids purveyors of child porn when the sext each other. And its not just kids.

Nothing has changed. While not always welcome (and sometimes even charming) flirting and dirty talk has always been, and will always be, with us. What's new is the record be it a dress or a twitter account. This is NOT a flasher on the street. This is between consenting adults. And I don't care. I'd add that I also don't care about Vitter or Craig except that they were hypocrites.

I agree it was stupid for Wiener to have done it and he may well have to resign to get the media to stop talking about it but to me that is the only reason and I hate the village pushing me around.

[CreekDog]

2. without defending what he did, the media circus/frenzy i find odd

if anything i find it a little more warped than what he did, which is kind of mundane, still unfaithful, but, not national news-worthy.

[woo me with science]

3. Good answer.

Some people won't be happy until people are assigned a therapist at birth.

[firehorse]

7. Balance all the judgement with the fact that he loudly supported public option health care

I live in NY. I could care a less if he sends photos of himself. So what. He's done a lot of great work in ny politics, and he's one of the only ones who's had the balls to be vocal on topics I care about living in NYC and in this country.

I'll take a guy like this who sends photos of his hardons every now and then -- over all the bought and paid for politicians that suck dick to the koch brothers.

I'm disappointed, he's not perfect. But the work he's done as congressman outweighs a couple hard on pics.

[Hosnon]

11. I tend to agree. If every person HAD to reveal every naughty thing he or she has done

over a network (e.g., online, cellular), Congressman Weiner would have LOTS of company.

People make mistakes. The sex drive is extremely powerful.

His real "crime" was lying about it, but I can forgive him for that. I see this as a non-story.

[LuvNewcastle]

14. Some people need a fantasy life.

They need some outlet for the feelings they have and Weiner, like a lot of Americans, used his computer, twitter, and whatever else to help make that fantasy life. He wasn't cheating on his wife or spreading STDs. If he hadn't been reckless about using his true identity with these women, this whole incident would not matter at all. It would have helped if he had admitted to it when he got caught. That was his biggest mistake. It was an embarrassing situation, though, and one can't blame him for trying to lie his way out of it. But that wasn't the right thing to do. Congressman Weiner is still going to have a fantasy life after this over, though. I hope he finds a more private and anonymous way to express his desires.

[LynneSin]

17. He also has a penis and unfortunately he used that to do his thinking

Women rarely think with their vaginas.

[dawg]

18. Um ... wrong.

Works both ways, sadly.

[LynneSin]

21. True, but more often men then women

:D

[seabeyond]

24. not by much. so where is the easy reasoning for women to be screwing around? nt

[lumberjack_jeff]

29. Correct me if I'm wrong.

He's suspected of chatting and exchanging photos with 6 or so women. Last I checked, 6 > 1.

[meow mix]

20. maybe he should take up World of Warcraft?

anything to get him off a public forum, lol

[Marr]

34. This one thing is going to get more media attention than every Republican sex scandal combined.

In the long run, you can bank on it. Every time some corporate douche bag is caught with his pants down-- even if it's sex crime, as with David Vitter, the discussion is going to be, "well, the other side is just as bad-- look at Anthony Weiner".

I have never cared about politicians' sex lives, unless it involves actual criminal activity. I didn't care about Clinton's blowjob and I didn't care about Gingrich's affairs. But Weiner has shown an immense stupidity and lack of judgement. As a national, liberal politician, he ought to know that he has a big target painted on his back. Any little misstep is likely to be trumpeted from rooftops if discovered.