Hi! In three days you will all be dead, By Mark Morford

[madokie]

Good news for you! All worries, over soon. All concerns laid to rest. Everything transformed in a white-hot eyeblink of OMG WTF into a lukewarm puddlepool of odious harp music, angel squeals and tepid moral pudding. I know, right? Finally!

This much we know: In a mere 72 hours (give or take, time zone depending, sometime before brunch) millions of true believers shall be whisked off to a cloudless overlit megadome where no one has sex and no one reads books and everyone is huddled together in a massive quivering vanilla cuddleparty, despite the requisite 500 layers of scratchy taffeta. Please remove your jewelry.

Are you ready? Whatever will you wear? Who will feed your dog? Hurry on now, you only have ... oh dear ... three days left until May 21, the oft-repeated, now infamous date of the Rapture, as predicted by Oakland's own nutball octogenarian and world-famous sideshow pastor Harold Camping, after a lifetime of careful biblical calculations and number-crunching and blah blah etcetera you know the rest. (If you don't know, here's a handy FAQ).

So anyway, it's Armageddon, real soon now. Do you have plans? Have you made proper arrangements? For those of us left behind to suffer this terrible beautiful planet after the fanatical Christians depart, there will be plenty to do. There are looting groups forming on Facebook. There will be Rapture parties galore. Brunch parking will be awesome. After all, Armageddon is on a Saturday. Were you thinking Sunday? As if. Sunday is when God rests, barbecues some wild salmon, watches "Idol." ...

(Full URL: http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2011/05/18/notes051811.DTL&nl=fix)

[niyad]

1. what a perfect antidote to the crappy news to which I awoke this morning.

[CanonRay]

2. The fanatical Christians are departing?

Good, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. It will be a better place without them.

[tanyev]

3. "Brunch parking will be awesome."

Heh.

[Historic NY]

4. I'm holding off on my bills...no sense mailing out mail that won't get there.

[jbnow]

5. We don't die until October 21st, silly. In the meantime we

go through massive horrors and stuff
Then the world ends in October.

Plus I was reading about the big May 21 somewhere and a comment linked to a competing prediction from some other religion guy. It was made a couple years ago and they are getting ready for their May 28th rapture. Also anyone who mocks it will be smited.

So maybe they are going in shifts

Some pseudo-christian site I peeked into just couldn't wait because they wanted to berid of Obama. They called he and Michelle very nasty names and when someone asked why they didn't just pray for him (and gave some bible quote about praying for a nation's leaders) they got even worse in explaining how terrible a person he was with plenty of lies to back it up.
People don't have to like Obama or anyone else but they were so ugly about it.
Oh... and we are DemonRats
I thought that was a funny group of people for Jesus to be sweeping up to heaven, but what do I know. Maybe they have the real bible and it says to smear people you don't like and call them nasty names.

[Patiod]

7. That should be a pretty funny place on 5/22

Tasty fundie tears. Still stuck here with a Black Democratic president.

[madokie]

8. Those will be some of the dickheads we'll have to deal with afterwards

[Drew Richards]

9. I love that cart got anymore pictures mayb e close ups I can look at?

I need to build something for my short elderly mother to be able to get around outside and through the woods...
She has a very weak left leg and hip so will have to jiggle the controls.

[badgerpup]

6. The last two paragraphs are AWESOME.

...and that is a word I do not use very often.

Clicked on the link re: the Duggars...this time it's the oldest kid who is spawning. There's a pic of him and his wife. The look on his face is not joyous- more "OMG, what am I getting myself let in for?"

Leaving happy...:evilgrin:

[malaise]

10. Love it

Rec