Got an email from someone considering music for a dying baby...

[GoddessOfGuinness]

...a ten month old baby, dying from a brain tumor.

The person asking is helping the family, and the baby's mother thought that music might help soothe the suffering infant, and maybe their frazzled emotions. According to the email, "The baby is dying from spasms, continually moving his head and crying. His brains are coming through the top of his head."

Jesus, my heart aches for them. Why, why, WHY can't they euthanize this poor child? What possible good can come from his agony?

I haven't heard from them for a few hours, but I decided that if they want me to play, I'm not going to charge them. Meanwhile I'm praying that their torment is over.

[Trajan]

1. How awful

It really doesn't get any worse for a parent or family member ...

I could not imagine .... The pain killer should be flowing freely into this precious baby .... He should not be suffering - He should be full medicated ...

Is this not the case ? .... Is the fact of the tumor interfering with normal anesthetic action ?

[GoddessOfGuinness]

10. I have no idea...

I don't understand why they can't give him morphine or something and just give him enough to exit this painful existence.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear GoddessOfGuinness...

Oh, what a terrible situation...

That poor little baby, suffering for no reason.

I cannot believe that we would allow this suffering, but there it is. We treat our pets better, more humanely.

I pray that their torment will soon be over too, if it isn't already.

I hope that you can play for them too, sweetie...

:cry:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

14. If music will help, I'm glad to be there for them.

I left a message with the contact that I'll be glad to play for any services.

[GreenPartyVoter]

3. That poor family and baby! Peggy is right. We are kinder to our pets!

:cry:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

15. It's true...

I can't imagine what those poor parents are going through. It's heartbreaking to think of it.

[w8liftinglady]

4. You are a blessing.

Thank you for being there.

I was a pediatric and ICU nurse early in my career.
There is very little to do for a dying child's family, other than offer unconditional comfort.My hope is that they can try some form of anxiolytic like valium and pain relief like fentanyl. Perhaps a nurse will suggest hospice (doctors often can't bring themselves to do so)
I hope the parents can find some relief knowing they did their all for the best interests of their child...whaever choice they happen to make.
Peace.
Beth

[w8liftinglady]

16. and some resources for them

http://www.childrenshospice.org/

http://dying.about.com/od/pediatricnicuhospice/Hospice_Palliative_Care_for_Newborns_Infants_and_Children.htm

http://www.communityhospice.com/getsupport/children.htm

http://www.nationwidechildrens.org/cancer-hospice-services

[GoddessOfGuinness]

18. Thank you!

I'll pass these along to my contact.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

17. Thank you for your kind words...

It must have been tremendously difficult to see cases like this when you were working as a pediatric nurse. I'm a wreck just thinking about it...

[grasswire]

5. lullabies, of course

What mothers have done to soothe children since the beginning of time. Sleep, baby sleep.

The lullaby from "Peter Pan" is very sweet.


Tender shepherd, tender shepherd, let me help you count your sheep.
One in the meadow, two in the garden, three in the nursery fast asleep.

I'll keep this family in my thoughts. So sad.

[JuniperLea]

8. I pulled this old favorite up recently...

Lavender's blue, dilly dilly,
Lavender's green
When you are King, dilly dilly,
I shall be Queen
Who told you so, dilly dilly,
Who told you so?
'Twas my own heart, dilly dilly,
That told me so
Call up your friends, dilly, dilly
Set them to work
Some to the plough, dilly dilly,
Some to the fork
Some to the hay, dilly dilly,
Some to thresh corn
Whilst you and I, dilly dilly,
Keep ourselves warm
Lavender's blue, dilly dilly,
Lavender's green
When you are King, dilly dilly,
I shall be Queen
Who told you so, dilly dilly,
Who told you so?
'Twas my own heart, dilly dilly,
That told me so.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

19. Thank you, Grasswire.

It sounds like they all need lullabies...

[JuniperLea]

6. This is so sad...

I had to put a beloved dog to sleep... it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it was easier than watching his suffering... suffering that had no end, no cure, no hope. It truly would be far more kind to allow this child to pass from this plane... why can't they at least medicate against the agony?

So very, very heartbreaking... peaceful vibes and prayers for peace of mind to all concerned.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

20. When we put our pets down, we're sad; but we have no doubt

that it's the right thing to do. Thanks for your kind words, prayers, and vibes.

[musette_sf]

7. The situation aside

since I just can't wrap my mind around it without getting upset, suggest 2 CDs by Liquid Mind: "Lullabye" and "Sleep".

http://www.liquidmindmusic.com/lullaby/index.html

http://www.liquidmindmusic.com/sleep/index.html

[GoddessOfGuinness]

22. CDs might be a better choice than live music...

It's easier to adjust the volume. Thanks for your thoughts...

[Brickbat]

9. Here is a song I find comforting: Mirror, Mirror by Arvo Part.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dweiGyjxhHs

Some of the very high or very low tones might aggravate his pain, though. Thoughts for this suffering child.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

28. I love Arvo Part's music.

Thanks for your kind thoughts...

[sharesunited]

11. Cosmic Island comes to mind as a soundtrack for crossing over. Upgrade to the ad-free.

http://www.live365.com/index.live

[Aerows]

12. Can they not give the child enough painkillers

to make the passing at least a little easier for both the child and those who love him?

[jwirr]

13. My daughter who has seizures loved that pan pipe music that came

out some years ago - Zan Fir? I don't know if that would work for a dying baby though.

[bobbolink]

23. for you and your daughter

:grouphug:

:pals:

[Inuca]

25. Zamfir

Romanian. Some of his stuff is great, some other not so much IMHO.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

26. The mother had asked about a violinist...

But it might be better to have cds playing in the room, rather than live musicians.

[catrose]

41. I played cello for my father

a few days before he died. Schumann's Traumerei, his favorite. He totally changed while I playing: became calm, stopped tossing and turning, seemed more coherent and peaceful, even after I stopped. Who knows what's right or wrong here? Go with your instincts. The vibrations might be helpful. I played for a school once; they sat the deaf kids on the front row. I had them come up and put their hands on the cello. They were very excited and talked for days about "hearing" the cello. Kind of hard to play around a bunch of kids touching your instrument, but it seemed to be worth it.

For CDs, Michael Hoppe's The Yearning was popular with dying AIDs patients. Myself, I prefer his Poet (with cello naturally).
Softer movements of Brahms and Faure Requiems, slow movement of Beethoven's last quartet, Canons by Tallis and Pachelbel, anything slow by Bach

Thoughts are with you. It's really hard. Some consider it an honor to sit with the dying, holding a vigil at the door between life and death.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

47. Thank you...

When a dear friend's son was suddenly killed in a car accident a few years ago, she wasn't sure she wanted music at the viewing, but her husband asked us to play. Afterwards, she said she was so glad we did, because it helped her get through the evening. Music can be healing to the soul, if not the body.

[Maru Kitteh]

48. "hard to play around a bunch of kids touching your instrument"

Yeah - be careful where you say THAT, lol.

Lovely story about you and your father there. Very beautiful.

[bobbolink]

21. .

:grouphug: for you, the contact, and the suffering family.

:cry:

"The only way to comfort a grieving person is to step into their grief and weep with them."

Bishop Butheleza, Lutheran Bishop of South Africa

[GoddessOfGuinness]

24. Thank you...

[Chorophyll]

27. I have no suggestions regarding music, except that

perhaps the parents should choose something that give THEM some comfort.

This is such a heartbreaking situation. Surely the doctors can prevent that child's suffering! :cry:

[rug]

29. This was played at my daughter's funeral

It's a lullaby.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akRLS3LARwI

These are the lyrics in English:

Amid the roses mary sits and rocks her jesus child,
While among the tree tops, sighs a breeze so warm and mild.
And soft and sweetly, sings a bird upon the bow
Aaahh baby, dear one, slumber now.

Happy is thy laughter,
Silent is thy holy rest
Lay thy head in slumber,
Soft upon thy mother's breast
aaahh baby dear one, slumber now

[GoddessOfGuinness]

37. ...

~hugs~ That is a beautiful song. I'm so sorry that you lost your daughter.

[Name removed]

30. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Kceres]

31. WTF? That is not how I interpreted her statement.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

32. WTF? That's not the point of the OP at all!

That's a pretty offensive way of interpreting it, BTW.

[JanMichael]

33. and I can't imagine viewing the world through your "filters."

very sad that that's how you read the OP. I wouldn't walk a mile in your shoes....

[hifiguy]

34. Vaughan Williams' "Fantasia on a Theme of Thomas Tallis"

and Pastoral Symphony (his third IIRC) are astonishingly beautiful, peaceful and contemplative pieces that aren't in any way depressing. His "The Lark Ascending" has always seemed to reflect to me a spirit returning to the cosmos and it is gorgeous beyond words.

[blue_onyx]

35. The first song to come to mind....

is called "If I Die Young." It's about celebrating life because you never know what will happen and how long it will last.

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NJqUN9TClM

Not sure if it's the best fit for this situation but it's a song that has helped me a lot.

[Trajan]

36. I would gather that what they wish for is soothing music ...

NOT negative or loud songs .....

Even some classical music might be too intense ....

Some of the softest, gentlest classical music would seem most appropriate ...

This situation must be so intense ..... gentle release is needed ....

[GoddessOfGuinness]

42. I agree...

I've played for a lot of funerals/memorial services. The idea is to soothe.

[Motown_Johnny]

38. Maybe some of Clapton's stuff from after he lost his son

other than that I have no idea

[BlueIris]

39. This:

http://www.amazon.com/Your-Baby-Johannes-Brahms/dp/B00016MT70/ref=sr_1_1?s=music&ie=UTF8&qid=1305152076&sr=1-1

All best to that poor family.

[Horse with no Name]

40. I would think something like ocean sounds and womb sounds might be appropriate

because it is all the same tempo...and would wonder if any rise or fall in tempo would be aggravating.

When you said that you are praying their torment is over, I want to share a story that happened.
We had a patient that had a terminal condition. He had the most gut-wrenching cry that he did very often. There was nothing we could do--pain medication...nothing helped the agonizing screams.

His Dad was talking to us one night and his exact words were "I will hear those screams in my head until the day that I die".
It tormented his soul for the suffering his child went through as I am sure it will these parents.

And I agree. With what we have available to us...NOBODY...not even small children should suffer like this.

[DianaForRussFeingold]

43. Sad! I recommend Disney lullabies.

I would sing 'Baby Mine' to my son when he was little.
I still sing it! It's still very soothing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhNVQ4b0aPk&feature=related


The last scene from the movie pay it forward-
'Calling all Angels'; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L3UY_xnhw4&feature=related

[GoddessOfGuinness]

44. Thank you all for your kind suggestions and caring thoughts...

I've not heard back from my contact person. I'm hoping that means this poor baby is no longer suffering. I left a message with them expressing my sympathy for their situation, and offered to play for a memorial or funeral service.

[etherealtruth]

45. I know you asked for music suggestions ....

... is this baby receiving hospice care (I say this as a former hospice nurse)? Creative interventions can be put in place to comfort this poor child and the wee one's parents.

Nothing can make this OK .... but there are things that can make it "better."

[w8liftinglady]

49. FWIW- I posted some child hospice resources above... I thought that,too.

[etherealtruth]

51. I know many here advocate euthanasia ....

I believe in a "natural", but comfortable death. I also believe one can achieve this 90% of the time .... that 10% ....well folk need to do what they need to do.... what they feel is right.

If symptoms can be controled ... it makes everything different.

I want to be clear: i truly don't judge those that need to "act" on their own or an other's behalf .... I just want folk to consider aggressive symptom relief

[GoddessOfGuinness]

55. Thank you for your thoughts...

I don't understand the situation. I talked with my contact a little while ago, and learned that the baby had been in hospice, but was removed for some reason. His parents must be in living hell right now.

[Maru Kitteh]

46. Is this poor child not in hospice care? I can think of NO REASON for this suffering

That's why God invented pharmacology.

Best of luck to you and to that poor family. The situation as it stands sounds utterly unconscionable.

[DianaForRussFeingold]

50. I agree, I can't stop crying since reading this post...

Doctors would either have to give my baby morphine or knock me out!
I would be frantic!

:cry:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

54. My contact person called me back...

Apparently he WAS in hospice, then for some unknown reason was removed and put back in the hospital. My contact said that when she arrived, there was a nurse washing the infant as if he was a 7 year old kid, because it was "hospital regulations".

She said both parents are musicians, which was why they requested a violinist. They've played classical music for him since before he was born. My contact said she had other commitments to keep, and wasn't sure whether the baby was still alive or not. They may end up calling me still. I don't think I'll be able to sleep well until I know he's no longer suffering.

[Chorophyll]

56. ...

What a terrible situation. I've been thinking about this family all evening, and will continue to do so.

You as well, GoddessOfGuinness, and your contact. :hug:

[kimi]

52. Harp music is nice

and I agree, CDs where the volume can be controlled would be good.

I am so so sorry that any family has to suffer through this. Peace to them and to this child. Heartbreaking. My thoughts are with you all. :cry:

[eridani]

53. Johann Pachelbel Canon in D Major

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Af372EQLck

Classical stations played it so much in the early 80s that it drove listeners batshit crazy, but it's wonderfully soothing.