Arrrgh!

[gateley]

So I get a note via Facebook from a woman who was my very best friend in high school. We used to get high, laugh for days, rock out.

Anyway, we drifted apart and she married a cop. I still spoke with her somewhat frequently. Then when AIDS became news she actually said to me "God is punishing people for being gay" I said, why is he punishing those who get cancer or have heart attacks, Sandi? She didn't have a response.

When my parents were ill she was so good, coming to visit (my father had been her doctor her whole life), but after that we lost touch because I made a conscious decision that I didn't know this person any more.

I get the message "is that you?" and I said 'yeah, how many Mary Ellen Gateleys dressed in a Nun's habit do you think there are in the world?" Then I get an invite to be her friend -- I NEVER SHOULD HAVE RESPONDED because she's got a video on there of some Republican giving a talk on health care (didn't watch, just looked up to see if he was D or R)and there's another video there (about some baby) where she'd written:

This is very hard to watch. Is this what happens when the government watches over health care?

I just had to back out and not say anything. I know it's her redneck husband who's poisoned her mind. I almost feel sick to my stomach. I like to believe that people who I hung with are LIKE me still. Not the case, sadly. :(

Thank God I have YOU GUYS! :hug: :pals::loveya:

I feel better now. :7

[WheelWalker]

1. ME, I had to unfriend someone this past week. Similar

story, similar grounds. I knew I shouldn't say yes to the friend invite, but felt kind and compassionate and thought I could make a difference. As you have so eloquently phrased it, "Arrrgh!" I unfriended her by blocking her. Seems to have worked. She's so self-absorbed, with so many friends like herself, for goodness sake, she'll probably not notice for months. And of course, God is on her side, as well, and I'm an annoying nuisance compared to that company. She knew what I'm like so the only conceivable reason she invited to friend me is to count all her friends. YUCKY! From now on, I am accepting no invitations out of kindness. Fuck the friend-counters. I'm nobody's scalp.

But I wouldn't be who I am today without YOU GUYS! I'm with you, 100 and 10 percent. Thank you for being my friend. :fistbump: :pals: :hug: :grouphug:

[PatSeg]

3. "Friend-counters"!!!

It is so like high school! Better to have a few GOOD friends than a lot of superficial acquaintances.

You are definitely in the "few good friends" category!

[PatSeg]

2. That is always such a disappointment

to find out a former friend has moved so far to the right. I keep my "friends" at Facebook down to a minimum and I managed to ignore a couple of friends requests (Don't understand, didn't get the email). One is a woman who is nice enough, but not an intimate friend and I really have nothing to share with her. My friends on Facebook are people I really care about and relatives. It is a nice way to keep in touch with family.

On your homepage, you can click "hide" to the right of her posts and they won't show up on your page anymore. You can pretend she doesn't exist or if you think it's necessary you can just "unfriend" her.

Edit to add - We love you too!!!

[gateley]

4. Arrrgh! Part Deux

Okay, turning to you for guidance. Got this message. Not quite sure how to respond. I don't want her to feel bad, after all she went to the trouble of looking me up, but don't want to encourage anything, either.

And forgive me for offending any of you, but the "you're in my prayers' part really set my teeth on edge. I know she meant well, but I'm always reminded of my dad praying to Saint Jude (the patron saint of impossible causes) every damn morning for me!

Anyway, thoughts? Advice? Guidance?

Subject: friends

"I have no idea what I did to cause you to not speak to me for decades. Whatever it is I am VERY sorry. It must have hurt you deeply. This is my last attempt. I do really miss you, and hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I have never been perfect, and I never will be. I would never have hurt you on purpose. I have made many mistakes in my life. Yell at me, tell me what an idiot I am, but talk to me. Life's too short. I still concider you a friend, and always will. You are in my prayers.
The ball is in your court.

[WheelWalker]

5. There is actually a lot of this going around lately....

several threads in DU with similar facts. Can we bring someone in from the wingnut wilderness? Who is a lost cause? How much energy can we suffer to be drained before we become useful to no one? Aristotle would say we should chase after these people with a stick. What would Tenzin Gyatso do? (WWTGD) :shrug: One of my 13 FB friends describes his political views as "Liberal, laissez-faire, tolerant, inclusive, freedom before safety" He describes his religious views as "spiritual respect". I think these are all good approaches to interacting with the outer world. He's also a psychiatric RN.

FN - In 1968 he and I walked to classes through the U of O campus with bells on our shoes.

[gateley]

6. WWTGD? I LOVE it!

I think he would just be kind and loving and accepting and non-judgmental. Good thing I'm not the Dalai Lama! Not sure I can pull that off, but you've honestly got me thinking BEYOND this here illusion we call reality. :)

And I love the political/religious views. I'm printing this out!

And finally, did you have rings on your fingers and a bone in your nose? Oh, wait, that was Fatima, right? :evilgrin:

[WheelWalker]

18. Rings on our fingers? Yes. Bones in our noses? Not bones......

Beads around our necks and flowers in our hair? Most definitely! Don't ya miss it?

[gateley]

20. Yeah, I really do. nt

[WheelWalker]

21. In those days, spoon rings were very popular. Remember them?

[PatSeg]

22. I remember those

and sandals made out of old tires.

[gateley]

23. Of course I remember them! I haven't thought of them in forever! nt

[WheelWalker]

24. And everyone, it seemed, was an aspiring jewelry maker,

especially working in filigree. We are establishing our bona fides here.

[PatSeg]

9. "Spiritual respect"

I love it.

[PatSeg]

7. Whoa, that's a tough one

Evidently she is sincere, but clearly has no idea who you really are. You both have obviously taken very different paths in life, but she can't see it. Perhaps she's stuck in the past. I would answer her and be honest so she doesn't think she has done something horrible to you, but she needs to know you are not the same person she thinks she knows.

"Impossible causes"? You? I completely understand the "in my prayers" comment setting you off. Good intentions can often cause more harm than good.

[WheelWalker]

11. As Gurudeva Sri Yodananda Samadhi has reflected,

"If two are not growing together, they are growing apart."

[PatSeg]

12. And some appear to not be "growing" at all

though they probably are very slowly.

[gateley]

15. Good advice -- that's what I'll do. You're right - she has no idea who I am

any more (understandable since it's been YEARS).

If you'd been my parents, you'd have been praying to St. Jude, too - nonstop! I wouldn't wish me on anybody!

[CrispyQ]

8. I lost a good friend, who was also poisoned by her zealot husband.

She was a decent Christian woman & one of the most open minded Christians I've ever known. She didn't believe I was less moral because I don't believe in God. Then she married a religious zealot & the change in her was remarkable. They had a difficult time conceiving & when I asked if they considered adoption, I was stunned when she answered that no, they were worried they would get a homosexual child. Gasp. She wasn't as hateful as he was, but she lost that open mindedness that I so admired.

I don't know the Bible very well, but I would remind your friend of that Bible verse about what you do to the least of us...

Then I would drop her like a hot potato. Honestly, life's too short to spend time with people like this & engaging them in dialog is usually pointless. Just my opinion. BTW, I haven't spoken to my 'friend' in 4 years. I doubt we will ever speak again & that's fine with me.

My husband is older than me & remembers the 60s better than I do. I asked him if he thought the country was a divided then as it is now. He said close, but not as bad as now. He attributes the increasing division to the religious zealots. They didn't have a national voice like they do now. I would also add that the lack of a real Fourth Estate has made things worse too. Infotainment has not been good for our country.

Good luck, whatever you decide! :hug:

[PatSeg]

10. "Judge not, lest you be judged"

often pops into my head when dealing with religious zealots, though I know they just don't get it. Also I recall Jesus speaking about praying in solitude and not making a public display of ones piety and prayers, as if it gets one points in heaven.

I agree with your husband. I don't recall a religious fervor in the 60's. The conservatives were just clinging to a safe, simple concept of what they thought life was about. Many had lived through the depression and World War II and were experiencing a comfort and security they hadn't known before. I understand that now though I didn't at the time. The ultra-right wing religious conservatives wouldn't have gotten so strong if they hadn't been cultivated by the republican party. They've created a monster and ironically that monster is now turning on them. "Reap what you sow"?

[CrispyQ]

13. It is amazing how they don't seem to see how un-Christian their behavior is.

I wonder how the repubs are going to deal with their monster. Without it, they can't get elected. With it, they turn off many of the independents & moderate republicans. Sadly, our own party seems happy to court the moderates. I think we are going to reach a point where the centrist repubs & centrist dems (read, the corporatists of both parties) join forces & the zealot repubs & the liberal dems will have to form their own parties. Then, finally, the facade of our current 'two party' system will be revealed.

Yikes, that sounds pretty grim, doesn't it? I just don't see how it's going to go any other way. We the People have lost control of our government & judging by friends & family of mine, I don't see that anyone gives a shit.

[PatSeg]

14. I was just thinking the same thing yesterday

The republican party can't survive if it keeps going down this extremist path, so I pictured moderate republicans and blue dog Democrats merging into a new party. The lunatic fringe will lose all political power. They'll just become annoying noise on FOX news and Rush's show. So many of the republicans in Congress are self-destructing, that they'll end up being replaced by younger, more moderate voices and things might be more sane for a few decades and then the cycle will probably start again when people forgot how crazy everything got.

[gateley]

16. Same situation -- although it sounds as though you'd been in touch with

your friend more frequently than I. We haven't really hung out since a few years after we graduated from high school, but we were SO CLOSE back then. Two peas in a pod.

Sandi had an abortion in high school and many years later a friend of ours thought she was pregnant and was pretty distraught. She told me Sandi told her she could NOT have an abortion, and she, Sandi, would take the child and raise it. Anne pointed out to her that she'd had one and none of her friends forbade her to do so. Didn't matter -- that was then, I guess. At least she wasn't worried about Anne's baby being a homosexual! (That is an amazing statement!). Turns out Anne wasn't pregnant, but she also backed away from Sandi because of her response.

I don't remember the 60's as being divided at all, but I was surrounded by like minded people (stoners!) and was pretty unaware of what was going on the real world.

[PatSeg]

17. I guess if you were stoned,

the world looked pretty different at the time!!!

It always has amazed me how drastically some people change and she seems to be oblivious to it.

[jillan]

19. Maybe back then your subconsious mind knew that the only way to be friends with

her was to get high :)

Don't feel bad gateley, I think most people on DU have had to say goodbye to a friend at some point for finding out they are a clueless asshole.

On the lighter side - it's alot of fun on facebook when you find a childhood friend that's just as liberal as you are!