Four in 10 say marriage is becoming obsolete

[marmar]

Four in 10 say marriage is becoming obsolete
By HOPE YEN, AP


WASHINGTON — Is marriage becoming obsolete?

As families gather for Thanksgiving this year, nearly one in three American children is living with a parent who is divorced, separated or never-married. More people are accepting the view that wedding bells aren't needed to have a family.

A study by the Pew Research Center, in association with Time magazine, highlights rapidly changing notions of the American family. And the Census Bureau, too, is planning to incorporate broader definitions of family when measuring poverty, a shift caused partly by recent jumps in unmarried couples living together.

About 29 percent of children under 18 now live with a parent or parents who are unwed or no longer married, a fivefold increase from 1960, according to the Pew report being released Thursday. Broken down further, about 15 percent have parents who are divorced or separated and 14 percent who were never married. Within those two groups, a sizable chunk — 6 percent — have parents who are live-in couples who opted to raise kids together without getting married.

Indeed, about 39 percent of Americans said marriage was becoming obsolete. And that sentiment follows U.S. census data released in September that showed marriages hit an all-time low of 52 percent for adults 18 and over. ...........(more)

The complete piece is at: http://www.comcast.net/articles/news-national/20101118/US.Declining.Marriage/

[Ginto]

1. I'll have to forward this article to my fiancee.

Then I'll have to ask for tips about treating bruises.

[awoke_in_2003]

20. sounds like a relationship...

that you should not be in. Sorry, abuse isn't funny.

[Ginto]

21. Considering that she's 5'2" and 100 lbs soaking wet, I think I'll heal. nt

[uppityperson]

29. Being with someone who hits you because someone else has a different opinion is... funny?

huh.

[Ginto]

34. Play fighting and real fighting are different things.

:). She often tells me she's going to beat me for the things I say like putting off the wedding. She has yet to follow through. :)

[uppityperson]

38. Ah, so it would be a joke "maybe we shouldn't get married"

Good luck, may you be good for each other.

[Ginto]

43. Oh yeah. She's my world. But it doesn't stop me from teasing her. nt

[awoke_in_2003]

55. okay, i get you...

my wife always says she ought to spank me, and I tell her I wish she would :)

[Ginto]

66. I told her we should postpone the wedding (in 3 weeks) by 6 months.

She said she was going to murder me in my sleep :).

[The Wielding Truth]

2. Hope not. I love the commitment and security of marriage.

I love ceremony and parties and sacred promises,and I guess I just found the right person.

[Arugula Latte]

11. I'm married, too, but I could give a rat's ass if someone else

doesn't want to be. I think in a way it's good there's less emphasis on "making it legal."

[bluetrain]

3. It's an antiquated concept.

[hack89]

72. Which is also is the best way for children and women to avoid poverty.

there is a reason that marriage, income and education go hand in hand - it there are strong economic reasons for it.

[Egnever]

4. 4 in 10 americans have their head up their ass

no surprise there I would have expected the number to be higher.

[marmar]

5. So, someone who doesn't believe in marriage has their head up their ass?

nt

[Egnever]

8. When you throw children into the mix yes

[marmar]

12. That's an extraordinarily strident bit of moralizing.

nt

[uppityperson]

32. If you have a child and aren't married you have your head up your ass?

Wow. Thanks for insulting so many. I guess I not only belong to The Sisterhood but have my head up my ass.

You are precious.

[Rabrrrrrr]

41. Wow - this is also repulsive and offensively rude. Even more digusting than the first ignorant salvo

:eyes:

[superduperfarleft]

60. So if a spouse dies, the other one should rush out to get married immediately?

You know, for teh childrenz?

You are free to have your opinion, however stupid and wrongheaded it may be, but don't be surprised when people get a little snippy when you also state that everyone who disagrees with you "has their head up their asses."

[Warren DeMontague]

25. Someone who doesn't believe in marriage for themselves, or for everyone else?

You get the difference, right?

[marmar]

28. Umm, yeah. That much was rather obvious.

What's your point?

[Warren DeMontague]

61. Which was rather obvious?

If someone says it's "obsolete", it's not clear at all if they're talking about pertaining to their own lives, or everyone else's.

My "daft" point is that there seems to be no shortage of people with all sorts of ideas about how everyone else should be living their lives. It's fucking tiresome, is what it is.

[Rabrrrrrr]

40. Wow - that's repulsive and offensively rude. Disgusting.

:eyes:

[old mark]

6. Meaning that 6 in 10 approve of it.....nt

[RaleighNCDUer]

22. While only 3 in 10 will make a success of it. nt

[Warren DeMontague]

26. It's a hell of a lot easier to make finger-wagging and armchair quarterbacking work

than it is a marriage.

But, it's nice that people have hobbies.

[RaleighNCDUer]

30. ??

[Warren DeMontague]

62. If you don't want to get married

by all means, you should not get married.

[RaleighNCDUer]

67. Who is finger wagging? I'm merely commenting on the prevelence

of failed marriages - considerably higher than 50%, now, with the number of successful first marriages being far lower.

Since when is citing facts 'finger wagging'?

[Warren DeMontague]

68. What is the objective of citing the facts?

My problem with this thread is the undercurrent of people feeling entitled to judge how others live their lives. I don't give a shit if anyone doesn't get married, and honestly I don't think too many people -short of maybe their girlfriend's folks- give a shit if other people choose not to get married.

But this is another prime example of an issue where certain authoritarian elements on the self-proclaimed left side of the spectrum like to get all high and mighty about how other people are doing it wrong... :eyes:

It's like having kids, or eating meat, or looking at porn. No one- honestly, NO ONE- gives a shit if other people don't have kids, eat meat, look at smut, or yes, get married.. but there is a certain group who is eternally bent out of shape when people DO.

Now, this may not include you, but that's where I'm coming from on this.

Also, the ONLY arena in which this is even relevant as a matter of public policy is in FULL marriage equality for LGBT citizens, which is way overdue.

[TwilightGardener]

7. It's been going that way for a while. Not sure that's a good thing, but

what can ya do.

[Gormy Cuss]

9. If the heterosexuals are done with marriage, can the gays have it now? n/t

[marmar]

10. LOL....As Chris Rock says, "Gay people deserve the right to be just as miserable as the rest of us."

nt

[RKP5637]

13. +1, n/t

[justiceischeap]

53. Woo hoo! [phone]

[seabeyond]

14. it works for us. my kids are happy it works for us.. enough for me. nt

[JustAnotherGen]

15. Of course it's becoming obsolete

:-)

[Ginto]

16. Polygamy is the only way to go. nt

[Edweird]

17. I'm not one of them. I'm good with it.

[JustAnotherGen]

18. Oh by the way

Just reading a few of the responses?

The Matrimania continues. Sad -- we live in a country where you are a BETTER person if you get married, have kids, get divorced, re-marry, have another kid - get divorced on and on and on.

Here comes my moralizing - :rofl: You aren't a better person. You are a crappy person for being so selfish you couldn't wait until your kids were of age to ruin their lives.

[uppityperson]

35. Are you saying you are a crappy person if you get divorced unless your kid are of age?

[RKP5637]

19. Yep, one size shoe, so to say, doesn't fit all, yet the unconscious consensus of the US is

that it should ...

[InvisibleTouch]

23. It's definitely not for me.

If others would like to make that mistake, though, go for it. :)

[Warren DeMontague]

24. Well, I guess we're going to have to stop forcing people to get married, then.

Oh, wait, generally we don't do that.

That's okay. One thing we're never going to run out of is people eager to run other peoples' lives for them. Goody!

[marmar]

31. Huh? ..... How does a story saying some people think marriage is obsolete suggest that?

WTF? The Daft level around here can go off the charts.....

[Warren DeMontague]

63. Oh, bull.

But like I said, I do understand that people need hobbies.

[uppityperson]

27. Glad people are understanding that there are lots of ways to have a "family" and

being married is only 1 of them.

Marriage can be a social, religious or legal thing, or some variety thereof. There are all sorts of ways of being a family and simply being "married" isn't the only or always the best way.

[PBS Poll-435]

33. Minority of American Adults Believe Marriage is Obsolete

Shocking!

[marmar]

36. Yeah, who cares what minorities think.

:eyes:

[PBS Poll-435]

39. Kidding, right?

You got to be.


In statistics and polling you have a minority, plurality, majority, and Nader.


This has NOTHING to do with minorities in Sex/National Origin/Sexual Orientation/Race/Creed.

[marmar]

42. Not completely true. Unmarried adults, as a group, suffer stigmas too.

And no, it's not the same as gender or race or sexual orientation, but it sometimes does impact employment opportunities and other aspects of life. N'est-ce pas?

[PBS Poll-435]

44. Marital Status is a protected class nt

[marmar]

45. And as we know, being a protected class means that discrimination ends, right?

Otherwise, we'd have racism and sexism in America today.

:think:

[Name removed]

48. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Warren DeMontague]

65. Is someone forcing them to get married?

No?

Then, no, we should not give a fuck what they think about the REST OF US wanting to get married, because it's not any of their fucking business.

[seabeyond]

46. until they decide marriage is for them. nt

[Fearless]

37. People should be allowed to do what they want. Period.

[seabeyond]

47. there are an awful lot of people that proclaim marriage is obsolete until the decide they want

to get married.

i know. i was one. until at 32 i said.... oh, lets try.

[marmar]

49. Probably so.....and an awful lot of people who proclaim marriage is wonderful.....

..... until they try it. It all balances out.

[PBS Poll-435]

50. If that were true, then your article would have said 5 in 10, not 4 in 10

:shrug:

[marmar]

51. Well, okay, almost balances, for the semantically obsessed.

[PBS Poll-435]

52. Tell me that 40% or 50% doesn't matter in an election. nt

[marmar]

54. Dios mio. What does an election have to do with this survey?

Some people believe in the institution of marriage, some don't. What's the problem?

[PBS Poll-435]

57. Ok. And more people do than don't

I guess we don't have a problem.


:rofl:

[marmar]

58. Yes.....That's why I don't understand all the rancor over a story.

Some of the responses make it seem like people are angry that a signficant part of the population doesn't believe in marriage.

[Name removed]

59. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[proteus_lives]

56. Until they meet that special someone.

[gulliver]

64. Marriage may be. Couples raising kids, far from it.

According to attachment theory, very young kids absolutely need to have someone to bond with in a deeply felt, loving relationship. That relationship, and the types of communication that occur between the young child and the caregiver are essential to the child's identity and social development.

We bought the hype and put our kids in very high quality daycare at an early age. (In fact, my son was in daycare with the child of a very famous professional football player.) I now regret it tremendously based on what I have learned since. You simply can't get a deep, loving relationship going in a daycare setting, and that is what infants and small children need the most.

That is the reason I think the idea of dedicated couples (married or not) raising kids is far from obsolete. One of the pair can stay home with the young child. If both work, then the fact that the couple can share living chores leaves more time for loving bonding in the evening given a daycare scenario.

A single parent can't work full time and expect to be able to do "well" by his/her kids, regardless of daycare. There are undoubtedly exceptions, but I think a high degree of failure and shortchanging of the child are bound to be the rule. There just aren't enough hours in the day, and most people simply don't have the energy by themselves to handle full time work, keeping a home, and developing their children.

I am against the idea that we should be ideologically compelling single parents of very young children to a "work and daycare" arrangement. Single parents need to stay home, or they need to have help from close family so that the kid has someone to love and bond with.

[kpete]

69. mr & mrs pete

40 years (since 1970) roller coaster ride
wouldn't change a thing, kpete

[Old Troop]

70. Oh great! 31 years too late.

[JustAnotherGen]

71. Uh -

#7 It's been going that way for a while. Not sure that's a good thing, but what can ya do.

Why does anything need to be done? What – is there something wrong with someone who does not want to be married? What about black women? Ever seen the oh “horrors”! Their all single. Well day-uuuum. Not a lot of eligible black men out there and unless you are like me and proactively cross the color line? Not a lot of men in general.

# 46 until they decide marriage is for them. Nt

I hope the woman or man in question doesn’t decide it’s for them out of desperation and lack of a full life with someone of low character. Desperate people who think there's something wrong with them will make bad choices for themselves.

#47 there are an awful lot of people that proclaim marriage is obsolete until the decide they want to get married. i know. i was one. until at 32 i said.... oh, lets try.

Congratulations! You jumped the shark! :pals: I really hope you traveled, saw the world, experienced, felt, expanded as much as you could have at 32. Some of us? We never stop wanting the adventure and excitement of being on god’s good humor and lots of new lovers.

#6 Until they meet that special someone.

Oooh – like Hillary Clinton. She met someone special. Look at how he’s treated her. I don’t doubt she loves him deeply – she must to put up with his disrespectful behavior and inability to hold her in his heart.

Or like my girlfriend Jill – who after 25 years of marriage – her husband came out of the closet.

Or my girlfriend Carmen – ex-husband is a cross dresser. Hid it from her for 15 years.

Or my friend David – who after 22 years his wife told him – eh? You’re not that special. I want out.

Or my girlfriend Cat, who got married at 32 and I kid you not . . . as she’s getting dressed said, “If it doesn’t work out I could always get divorced.” Guess what – she did. Her husband cheated on her with 20 women in the course of three years . . . . but she knew that before she married him – that he was womanizers.

Guess what? None of those people ever want to be married again. Much like Audrey Hepburn – she lived with Robert Wolders for the last what? 15 years of her life? But she was clear to him (after two bad decisions she actively made) that being married would be like putting her in an electric chair.

Great Stats from Unmarried America.org: http://www.unmarriedamerica.org/usaweek/factsonsingles.htm
The rise of singles are a Big Demographic Deal: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/201011/bestselling-author-calls-rise-singles-bdd-big-demographic-deal

What I’ve read up above? It’s Matrimania. Oh – you like chocolate and he likes chocolate, and your both Pisces, and he looks good in red and you look good in red and your so in love . . . so get married. :wtf: Huh? Since when should we make such a HUGE life decision based on fluff and stuff?

Marriage is serious business. It is the end of you – on your island and a merging with another human being in the eyes of the law. With the divorce rates in this country? Marriage is indeed becoming somewhat of a joke. 10’s of thousands spent on the wedding and sometimes. . . that much if not more spent on Le Divorce.

What I see in those stats? Nothing bad.

Maybe people are slowing down and THINKING before they jump.

Maybe they are people who say you know what: I’ve never wanted to be married or have children. I never dreamed of the big wedding and the ‘princess’ for a day get up.

Maybe those of us in our late 30’s that managed to not get married and divorced multiple times look at our ‘newly single’ peers and say . . . Glad I didn’t do THAT when I was first asked (I’ve been asked 5 times – first time at 21. I would be eating myself to death in Clarence NY if I had gotten stuck with THAT).

Maybe they are maximizers. In the dating world speak (since most on this thread appear to be marrieds) - that's someone who believes it can only get better, and better, and better . . . . Doesn't make a person bad! They just are who they are. Accept it - they aren't hurting you. You aren't going to date them! :rofl: You are married! :rofl:

Up above I made a comment a poster didn’t like. That came from a brunch with 17 other women in June of this year. Around the table? 3 of us had never been married. Me at 37, another woman at 40 and another at 46.

Around us flew nightmare stories of alimony being taken away, custody fights, child support underpaid, ex husbands new wives/girlfriends, etc. etc.

The woman with the worst story? I mean – the WORST story? Pretty much all of the above? Only with two ex husbands? She asks the three of us at the end of the table, “So what’s your story?”

We look at each other and finally my friend Deb says, “Oh we’ve never been married.”

And the woman whose ex locked her out of their marital home and moved his new chippy in the next day gets this sad look on her face and says, “That’s so sad. Don’t worry – he’s out there.” :wtf:

It took everything in me to not spit the swallow of Kir Royale I’d just taken across the table laughing about what a weakling she was. My friend Dani leans over to me and Deb and says:

“We’re sad because we don’t have a nightmare we are trying desperately to put behind us. We’re sad old maids because we didn’t marry the first guy that came along that threw a couple of bones our way and jump at the fairy tale. WE. US. We’re the sad ones.”

So just saying – the three of us – sort of invalidated that woman’s ACTIVE choice to marry the person(s) she did just by being who we were. We didn’t mean to . . . but just by being around us “old maids” (she promptly turned away from us) :rofl: she must have thought we ‘invalidated her decisions”.

We don’t mean to . . . us singletons. And the Smug Marrieds don’t invalidate us and our life decisions. – that is . . . unless they make an Active Choice To.

#68 nailed it: #68
My problem with this thread is the undercurrent of people feeling entitled to judge how others live their lives. I don't give a shit if anyone doesn't get married, and honestly I don't think too many people -short of maybe their girlfriend's folks- give a shit if other people choose not to get married

In agreement. One person’s active decision does not INVALIDATE another’s active choices/decisions. And maybe just may - Kismet says some people are MEANT to share their love and their heart with the world . . . not just one person.

But if you are married - make sure you just aren't wrapped up in the Billion Dollar industries called Matrimania and Divorce and Family Law and/or engaging in random acts of singilism.

[bluedigger]

73. From the responses upthread, I'd venture to say 9 out of 10 have very strong feelings about it.

Me, I think everybody should try it at least once...

[SoCalDem]

74. As an "institution", it's less relevant

because women can more easily support themselves & their offspring.

Until quite recently, women "needed" a man to validate their very existence.

In 1970 a married woman needed "permission" from her husband to even GET birth control (my own experience in Indiana 1970)

HR departments quizzed women on their "family planning" at job interviews

Getting a loan required the husband's income and did NOT count the wife's income
(in retrospect, this was an idea that would have helped in the mortgage mess)

Women routinely trained young male college graduates who would then soon become their bosses..

Until the 1980's women often had little or no power unless they ran their own businesses.

There will always be a subset of women who start having babies in their teens & who will always look for and "need" a man, but more and more women marry because they really want to...not because they feel that they "have" to.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

75. The right wingers have fetishized a piece of paper.

They think that if you have a marriage certificate, that makes your relationship wonderful.

Well, it doesn't.

I have been married and divorced twice. Neither time did a piece of paper make the guy like me, love me, or even act in a proper manner for a good marriage.

They did not love me, comfort me, honor me, nor keep me. They did emotionally abusive things to me, so I had to get divorced.

The piece of paper didn't do a damn thing. I think the focus on marriage is misguided.

All it does is make the divorce lawyers rich.

I had a child with the second one. The only thing marriage was good for was the health insurance when I was having the baby and when I was sick. But he was making me quite ill due to stress.

[krabigirl]

76. I am married and I think it is obsolete. :)