By
Marcus Manfred
– September 20, 2010
The long-foretold second coming of Jesus Christ went horribly awry on Saturday at the fifth annual “Values Voters” summit when attendees stoned the Son of God to death. Summit attendees did not like His message of inclusion, compassion and assistance to the poor.
The annual conference is a chance for conservative voters to complain about government intrusion into their lives, as they plan their own ways of intruding into people’s lives should they be able to seize power.
Jesus arrived at the summit wearing sandals and robes, with a ray of sunlight miraculously upon His head within the conference center. As He strode into the main hall, attendees at first applauded the arrival and thought it was a stunt. The crowd became divided as Jesus turned several bottles of water into wine. Some in the audience cheered, while others booed and threw their bottles of “the devil’s elixir” to the floor.
He then floated to the stage and interrupted a speech by former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, who was railing against providing health insurance to those who are already sick and comparing it to getting insurance for a home that’s already burned down or a wrecked car.
“Have ye no decency sir? Are not the sick also my children?” Jesus asked a befuddled Huckabee. “Haven’t ye read of Matthew 5:7, ‘blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy?’ “
Jesus then accused Christine O’Donnell, Republican Senate nominee from Delaware, of “bearing false witness” by raising the now-disproved claim that health care reform would lead to “death panels” of bureaucrats deciding who would die. Jesus also took issue with O’Donnell’s claim that anyone who wasn’t conservative was “anti-America.”
http://www.thechicagodope.com/2010/09/20/jesus-stoned-to-death-at-%E2%80%98values-voters%E2%80%99-summit/
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