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Mendocino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-20-10 12:46 PM
Original message
Racsist, xenophobic, homophobic, capitalistic
sibling and family are visiting. My parents are old and in poor health, it may be the last time they ever see them. So I want to make it a pleasant time for all. However I have nearly reached my boiling point. They whine about affirmative action, they whine about gay agendas, they wouldn't want a Mosque next to their gated community (as if), Obama is a socialist, damn do-gooding treehuggers, on and on and on!

They know my views, but they are deliberately confrontational. I already told my brother to pipe down, but it goes on. I'm ready to tell my SIL to STFU. I appeal to keeping the family peace, they tell me if there is friction, it's my fault. ARRRGHH

takes deep breath

They fly home Sunday...is it Sunday yet?
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sakabatou Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-20-10 12:49 PM
Response to Original message
1. You have 2 more days of hell
Good luck.
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Mendocino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 12:50 PM
Response to Reply #1
10. Thanks, in a little over 24 hours
we get our life back.
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TheKentuckian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-20-10 12:50 PM
Response to Original message
2. I'm sorry you're going through it, Sunday is coming
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Mendocino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 01:00 PM
Response to Reply #2
11. They live in the SF bay area,
(I'm in Ohio) and hardly ever visit. I see them about every two or three years, but that is a good thing
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fascisthunter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-20-10 12:52 PM
Response to Original message
3. try leaving the house for a stroll somewhere if you can
walking and thinking always relax me. Hope your weekend go better.
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Mendocino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 01:04 PM
Response to Reply #3
13. I 've gone out each night waliking the dog
for an hour or so. The dog gets tired, I find a place to set for awhile, just to avoid them.
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fascisthunter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-10 09:47 AM
Response to Reply #13
34. it helps a little
Edited on Sun Aug-22-10 09:47 AM by fascisthunter
it's not a fix all but know it's there during those tough situations. Hang in there.
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soleft Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-20-10 01:42 PM
Response to Original message
4. According to Buddha they are your best teachers
teaching you infinite wisdom, compassion and tolerance.

I go to the same school.
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Mendocino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 01:06 PM
Response to Reply #4
14. Then I've found perfect zen,
by tomorrow..Nirvana.
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geardaddy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-20-10 01:43 PM
Response to Original message
5. Ignore them.
Refuse to talk to them about anything.
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Mendocino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 01:10 PM
Response to Reply #5
16. They're so obtuse, they just keep blabbering.
if not to me, to my wife or to our son.
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AlinPA Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-20-10 01:45 PM
Response to Original message
6. I told my bil to go fuck himself and haven't been to his place in 3 years.
He is a an asshole right winger.
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Mendocino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 01:14 PM
Response to Reply #6
17. You can't imagine how much i want to,
but I don't want Mom and Dad to be hurt.
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Stevenmarc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-20-10 01:49 PM
Response to Original message
7. Personally I would
Edited on Fri Aug-20-10 01:51 PM by Stevenmarc
take them to a lovely restaurant without the parents, order your hearts desire, wait till you have at least finished your entree, then lay into the fuckers get up walk out and leave them the bill.

Oh yeah make sure you take separate cars for a clean getaway
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Mendocino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 01:16 PM
Response to Reply #7
18. We did all go out last night,
I was tempted.
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Whoa_Nelly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-20-10 02:18 PM
Response to Original message
8. Start saying, "Uh-hu..yeah sire..you are right."
Edited on Fri Aug-20-10 02:18 PM by Whoa_Nelly
Do this every time, don't waver from the broken record response you choose in just agreeing with them, add nothing to the discussion, and guaranteed, they will stop...even if they try to get you riled by asking you why you are agreeing...answer: Yeah, I am. They WANT the drama...defuse'em, don't give them what they want..and then give a sweet and unforgettable parting shot as the door hits'em in ass when they leave.

:evilgrin: Some days it's good to be so diabolical.
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Mendocino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 01:18 PM
Response to Reply #8
19. Might give it a try,
appealing to their hunanity sure doesn't work.
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sixmile Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-20-10 02:26 PM
Response to Original message
9. You can't fix stupid
Just tell them you do not believe what they believe and leave it alone. They sound like ignorant bores.

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Mendocino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 02:12 PM
Response to Reply #9
20. For all their education.
Edited on Sat Aug-21-10 02:57 PM by Mendocino
two BAs, two masters degrees and a law degree between them, they certainly haven't gained wisdom. I graduated with a BA from a state school and they never let me forget it.
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Initech Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 01:03 PM
Response to Original message
12. Oh man my dad's side of the family is like that.
It sucks... there's not a whole lot you can do to fix stupid.
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Mendocino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 02:19 PM
Response to Reply #12
21. The sister is only person in my immediate family and among my in laws
in-laws that is even moderate. Sometimes My wife, Son and I feel like a blue oasis in a huge dry red desert.
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Initech Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 04:17 PM
Response to Reply #21
33. I live in Orange County, California. You want to talk ultra conservative...
I saw a teabagger nut outside the post office who had a poster comparing Obama to hitler.
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 01:07 PM
Response to Original message
15. that is tomorrow, you can do it. my brother calls me and then make political jabs continuously
i tell him.... i dont want to talk politics. i dont want to talk politics. i dont want to talk politics. i dont want to talk politics. i dont want to talk politics. i dont want to talk politics. i dont want to talk politics. i dont want to talk politics.

yet he continues. then i yell... his foxs news watching talking points and he has the audacity to tell me how unfair i am, and why yell

cause

i dont want to talk politics. i dont want to talk politics. i dont want to talk politics. i dont want to talk politics.

hubby tells me to hang up on him. i just can't. tis rude.
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Mendocino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 02:29 PM
Response to Reply #15
24. I know what thats like.
I don't bring anything up but they do. I say "I would rather not talk about it"

But they always do and if then I disagree, I'm the one thats "wrong".

I try to be patient, and patience is a virtue but...I'm nearly at the end of virtue.

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ohheckyeah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 02:24 PM
Response to Original message
22. I finally told a number of family
members that if they didn't want to hear my side of things they weren't to bring up religion and politics and then say "I don't want to argue", which in effect meant, "I want to spout my shit but you keep your mouth shut." It doesn't work that way and I refuse to be treated that way.

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Mendocino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 03:10 PM
Response to Reply #22
26. They are covinced with such a sense of entitlement
that no one or nothing surpasses them.
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ohheckyeah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 03:15 PM
Response to Reply #26
28. I know how it is.
My husband and I are the only real liberals in the family, although my 84 year old parents are infinitely more liberal than my siblings and their spouses.
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Capitalocracy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 02:26 PM
Response to Original message
23. I got a family member like that
my wife's aunt's husband is extremely right-wing. He's intelligent, educated, but has bought into Fox News's logic hook, line, and sinker. And the few times we're in the same place (he's in the U.S. and I'm in Argentina... he's an engineer and went there to work for an oil company and I am stuck here because I don't meet the financial requirements to sponsor my wife as an immigrant) all he wants to do is talk to me about politics. I try to change the subject, I never bring it up, but the first thing he always does is try to convince me that Obama's an evil Communist out to destroy the nation. And the rest of the Argentine family has to sit there not knowing what the heck we're talking about as we argue the nuances of political extremism in the U.S. in Spanglish.
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Mendocino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 03:07 PM
Response to Reply #23
25. Sometimes that is what is so scary.
When seemingly intelligent people drink so much Kool-Aid, that they become oblivious.
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Dappleganger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 03:13 PM
Response to Original message
27. If they are in YOUR home...
you can insist that in order to keep things peaceful, you don't wish anyone to discuss politics or religion. Stress to them that you really want to spend time with them to just enjoy THEM, and you want things to be without a bunch of arguments.

If you're in their home there's not really much you can do.
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Mendocino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 03:23 PM
Response to Reply #27
30. Short of actually ordering them out of house,
I don't think anything would work. Right now they out for awhile, even the oblivious can sense tension. So I just need to get through tomorrow. I refuse to be the bad guy here for the sake of my parents. The next time I see them will likely be a funeral.
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Skidmore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 03:19 PM
Response to Original message
29. Tell them that this visit is for your parents and
that the bottom line is there will be no discussion of politics but a chance to create a memory with them at this time in their lives. And if they cannot abide by that, they are welcome to sow discord elsewhere.
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Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 03:24 PM
Response to Original message
31. Ask a lot of personal questions about when they (or you & siblings)
Edited on Sat Aug-21-10 03:26 PM by Kurovski
were young. What were weddings like, trips, school concerts, everyday life. what were everyone's favorite dinners back then? Birthday presents? favorite old Friends, living and dead. places you lived, games you played, the shared family crisis that all pulled together to overcome. Jobs, favorite or hated. ask about favorite grammar school teachers and memorable events.

Make a list in your head of topics, keep everyone encouraged to share substantially, veer away politely, covertly, from politics wherever possible.

Let your folks know that you appreciate and want to hear about what you all used to do together, not just attitudes on things.

Did anyone build a tree house, igloo, fort out of cushions or cardboard?

Anything, anything that's not politics, cleave to it. Is any of this possible? :)

Be sure to feel the love you have for your parents, and then express it in whatever way they can accept it.

You will for the rest of your life be glad that you did.
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Gormy Cuss Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-10 10:51 AM
Response to Reply #31
37. Spot on, Kurovski
and to the OP: anyone who insists on making political statements should be laughed at,every single time. To react in a way that displays frustration or anger just encourages them.



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Xicano Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-21-10 03:58 PM
Response to Original message
32. Most of my family unfortunately are similar.
When one of them starts up I quiet them down by calmly asking them questions which can only make them look stupid if they avoid answering, and even more stupid if they do try answering.
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bluethruandthru Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-10 09:57 AM
Response to Reply #32
36. Can you share some of those questions?
I can't talk to my sister anymore. She's a true believer in everything our of Rush or Glenn Beck's mouth. Watches nothing but Faux news and she just can't believe that anyone would watch anything else..since the others are all part of the "librul media". Faux is the only one that's "fair and balanced".
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JerseygirlCT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-22-10 09:55 AM
Response to Original message
35. It's very hard.
My uncle and godfather likes to do this on occasion. I love him very much, but boy... it's so hard to stay civil and just walk away from the conversation!

Wishing you patience and strength!
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