Unemployment Solution: Pray for The Rapture!

[MineralMan]

An Immodest Proposal That Could Fix Everything

I believe that I have found a solution for the unemployment problem in the USA - a solution that will also bring true social justice to our society. As things are now, there are more people who want to work than there are jobs. Some think that earlier access to Social Security benefits would allow many to retire and open up job opportunities, but reports about what is sometimes called The "Catfood Commission" seem to indicate that the retirement age may be raised to 70.

That's not a solution for unemployment, so, I've been thinking very hard about finding another way to open up the job market. I believe I have found one, and it's one we can all help to implement.

Some Christian denominations believe that the time is coming when True Christians™ will be suddenly taken up to the Christian Heaven, leaving the rest of us behind to face something called "The Tribulation." The number to be taken up is unclear, but several websites exist where people discuss this possibility, and many believe it. They call this event "The Rapture."

So, my proposal is that we all pray very hard that this "Rapture" occur soon and that millions be taken up in it. Since the same people who believe in "The Rapture" also believe that prayer is efficacious in achieving desired results, there could be no objection on their part. They hope for this "Rapture" and are already praying for it. It just seems like they need a little more help with those prayers, and why not give them that help?

The advantages of a "Rapture" are many. Job openings will be immediate and plentiful in every part of America, from the smallest town to our major cities. It will spell the end of long lines at unemployment offices and will reduce the expenditures for unemployment payments. Housing opportunities, too, will open up, allowing those who find new employment to move out of their cars and homeless shelters into the newly-available, fully-furnished housing that will result.

Of course, lower demand will lower prices on many commodities, like food and fuel. Reduced fuel use will help combat global climate change, as well. It will even be easier to find tickets for now sold-out Minnesota Twins games and crowds will be reduced at other popular entertainment venues.

Another benefit will be the reduction in the numbers of right-wing Christian Right voters and so-called "Teabaggers," all of whom will doubtless be taken up in "The Rapture." This will allow for rapid adoption of progressive measures, reduce ugly political rhetorical battles, and make it possible to establish a society we all know will be more equitable and socially responsible.

I can see no drawbacks to "The Rapture." Those people taken up will get exactly what they desire and believe they deserve, and those left behind will have full employment, social justice, and the opportunity to establish a society that treats all people as equals.

So, if you agree that "The Rapture" is a desirable thing, join with me to pray for it to occur soon -- preferably before the November 2010 election. It doesn't matter what your religious beliefs may be, or even if you have no such beliefs. Pray anyhow. Pray without ceasing. Pray in every spare moment. If you'd rather not be seen praying, follow Jesus's advice and go into your closet to pray!

[niyad]

1. have been doing this for years

have you seen the bumper sticker that reads, "after the rapture, can I have your house?"

[MineralMan]

2. But we need more voices, I'm sure. Maybe God isn't

listening because too few people are praying for it. Who knows? I say that it can't hurt to add more voices.

[liberalmuse]

3. It would certainly reverse a centuries-old trend...

Usually Christians are the ones 'rapturing' the heathens and sending them to Jeebus in large numbers. Or they just accuse them of witchcraft, burn them and take their stuff.

LOL, I love your way of thinking though.

The problem is, if most of the people who believed in invisible beings were suddenly whisked off the planet, who would we be able to sell stupid shit to? My theory is that we'd lose jobs, or at least an entire job market catering to 'The Stoopit'. I'd have to can my idea of selling sex toys shaped like Bible characters and inscribed with scriptures or wholesome porn, like 'The Organist (aka 'Mildred does the Choir)' or 'Bible Study Orgy'.

[MineralMan]

6. Well, you may have a point there, but I'm sure there will be

enough gullible people left behind to keep those industries in business. They'll just have to shift to other products, like Antichrist action figures and stuff like that.

[Motown_Johnny]

4. isn't it only 144,000 that will be chosen?

12,000 from each of the 12 tribes of Israel? (All these European decent persons who think they are going to be raptured are kidding themselves.)



What good will having 140,000 fewer persons of Israeli descent on the planet?


http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Revelation%207&version=NIV
^snip^
Revelation 7

144,000 Sealed


1After this I saw four angels standing at the four corners of the earth, holding back the four winds of the earth to prevent any wind from blowing on the land or on the sea or on any tree. 2Then I saw another angel coming up from the east, having the seal of the living God. He called out in a loud voice to the four angels who had been given power to harm the land and the sea: 3"Do not harm the land or the sea or the trees until we put a seal on the foreheads of the servants of our God." 4Then I heard the number of those who were sealed: 144,000 from all the tribes of Israel.
5From the tribe of Judah 12,000 were sealed,
from the tribe of Reuben 12,000,
from the tribe of Gad 12,000,
6from the tribe of Asher 12,000,
from the tribe of Naphtali 12,000,
from the tribe of Manasseh 12,000,
7from the tribe of Simeon 12,000,
from the tribe of Levi 12,000,
from the tribe of Issachar 12,000,
8from the tribe of Zebulun 12,000,
from the tribe of Joseph 12,000,
from the tribe of Benjamin 12,000.

[MineralMan]

5. Yah, well, most of those who believe in the Rapture

disregard that, like they disregard much of the Bible. All that stuff written centuries ago was about Jews, not True Christians™. Rapture believers think that, while there might only be 144,000 Jews taken up, the number is unlimited for True Christians™ like themselves.

I don't see this as a drawback to the prayer campaign at all.

[phasma ex machina]

11. deleted

[Motown_Johnny]

12. the quote I posted seems to be saying this happens before the tribulation

[phasma ex machina]

13. got it

Edit to share.

The Rapture is actually my least favorite book of the Bible. Too much NIGYSOB (see footnote) for me.

OTOH I like SciFi movies that use a Rapture plot.

Go figure.


Footnote.

Now I've Got You, You Son of a Bitch (NIGYSOB): A Life Game
From Games People Play by Dr. Eric Berne

This can be seen in classic form in poker games. White gets an unbeatable hand, such as four aces. At this point, if he is a NIGYSOB player, he is more interested in the fact that Black is completely at his mercy than he is in good poker or making money.

(link)

[Motown_Johnny]

24. Revelations is the book. The Rapture is an event described in that book

or so some believe

[phasma ex machina]

25. +1 (Proof positive that Revelations is my least favorite book.)

[Heidi]

7. I'm thinkin' that those folks prayin' most hard for the rapture

are gonna be less than thrilled with the results.

[MineralMan]

8. Not my concern. I just want to help them out and, in doing that,

Solve many of our current problems. They want it, so I say let them have it. In fact, I'm going to pray for them to get it, and I'm an atheist.

[Heidi]

9. I wouldn't stand in their way, either.

:rofl:

[MineralMan]

10. Come soon, Jebus! Take them away and make room for

the rest of us.

That's my prayer.

[Autumn Colors]

14. Unfortunately ....

this won't solve the outsourcing problem since I would assume most in those countries aren't Christians, so we'd still be competing with people willing to work for 22 cents an hour for 10 hours a day....

Just saying....

(fixed typo)

[MineralMan]

16. Lots of jobs can't be outsourced, though. I think it will work out OK.

[Scurrilous]

15. Praise the Lord!

:thumbsup:

[MineralMan]

17. Indeed!

[Bozita]

18. Special offer to the unreccers of this thread: A deal you can't afford to miss!

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You know that your nosy family will be looking for exactly that kind of stuff.

When our associates leave your home, your hard drive will have been purified to the point where not even God himself would have a clue as to how you've been spending your time.

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All you need to do is send your name, address, map, house key, and the money, of course.

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[MineralMan]

21. +1

[Mariana]

19. You assume that enough would go

to make a noticeable dent in the population. I also expect if there ever was a rapture, the LAST people likely to be participating in it would be the Teabagging variety of True Christians™.

Nevertheless, on the off chance that you're right, let us pray. What do we have to lose?

[MineralMan]

20. Exactly.

[orion007]

22. But aren't they all coming back in the clouds with Jesus?

Now you've really got me confused, but I'll join the prayer circle here..lol

[MineralMan]

23. Well, they won't be looking for jobs if they do. Not much work

for angels and other supernatural entities that I've seen. :rofl:

[alphafemale]

26. This "True Christians™" cracked me up.

Next up Jesus LLC?