Condolences for a young widower

[Narkos]

I have an old high school buddy who just lost his wife to cancer. He's in his late 30s and has a 3 yr old girl. I never met his wife so I don't have any anecdotes I could share with him in my letter. Also, I'd like to send some sort of gift or gift basket. Looking over what's available, I haven't been able to find anything that's really appealing. Any advice? Unfortunately I'm overseas for an extended length, so my options are a little limited.

[Warpy]

1. Just let him know he's got a friend

and you're terribly sorry for his loss. Unfortunately, you're not in a position to offer any practical help, so the best bet would be to ask him what he needs that you could supply long distance. The net is great and so is package delivery. However, sometimes there is nothing you can do but let people know you're thinking about them.

Just do skip the bromides. You can't make him feel better, they'll only make him feel worse.

[zipplewrath]

2. Depends alot upon your connection with him

The entire purpose of course is to provide comfort. That comfort will derive itself from you reviving good feelings from your relationship with him, and the fact that you are still thinking of him. It is to make him feel less alone. So you'll have to talk about what you two share in some fashion. Could be memories, could be current shared interests or of a possible future meeting between you two.

Gift wise it will be similar. A photo of the two of you from the past, or of a shared experience might be appropriate. Maybe a token or a gift which reminds him of a past shared activity or current common interest. Focus on the fact that he is feeling incomplete, alone, and facing a future without his partner. There will be birthdays and holidays that will now be celebrated "alone" and as each one comes, it is another "loss" for him. Anything that can reduce that isolation will be a good idea.

[Gormy Cuss]

3. I agree with Warpy.

What will matter more than anything to him right now is to be reminded of how many people care about him and his family. As for sending a gift of some sort, may I suggest that you wait a few months(and use that time to find something that is appealing) and send something with more condolences because it will be appreciated in that quiet time after the initial flood of attention wanes.

[patrice]

4. Been there. Do what Warpy says and then follow up in several weeks and then

more or less regularly thereafter, as the need is expressed by the person you are concerned for.

[Tsiyu]

5. Send something for the kid

nothing material will really "cheer" him except perhaps seeing his child delight in a gift despite losing her mom.

that and a card or note should be cool.

make sure toy is appropriate for 3 yr old.


Kind of you to care

[sinkingfeeling]

6. Most important thing is to stay in contact with him. Don't just write a single letter. Correspond

regularly since a lot won't hit him until weeks and months later.

[samrock]

7. I lost my wife of 21 years to breast cancer in 2008....

The BEST thing you can do is stay in touch.. let him know you are aviaable ( if ya can) to go out for a beer, shoot a game of pool or juts be around to hang.. Invite him to a bar b que.. Having friends who care is whats allowing me to move on..