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Edited on Wed Jul-07-10 06:34 PM by 20score
Years of preparation and all that not-working down the drain – all because of one super-sharp senatorial candidate, some really special talkers on Fox, and a few principled Republicans in congress. Sharron Angle is leading the pack of intrepid do-gooders that have outed us as the lazy, greedy, no-good-nicks that we are – sucking at the government’s teat. Just wish she hadn’t called us spoiled, that really stung. So, now we all have to go out and get jobs.
There was a simultaneous convergence that made us realize that the gravy train might be coming to an end. First was the appearance of the brilliant Sharron Angle on the national stage. There is no way someone can become such an accomplished revolutionary/teabagger in just one lifetime. With the foresight of Jefferson and the courage of Patrick Henry she knows just what to do if the government tries to help people: “Second Amendment remedies.” She must have been one of the Founding Fathers in a past life. She came into the limelight with others such as Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman in what has been dubbed, “The year of the Woman.” (Added to other years of the woman, like 1942, 1992, 2008, etc.) For decades people have been saying that men have been in charge for millennia. And they have really screwed things up. Men have been greedy, violent, prone to war and unthinking. People have been saying, “It’s time put some greedy, violent, prone to war, unthinking women in charge, for a change.” Well, with this current crop of women, including Angle, now’s our chance to make that dream come true.
Okay, so we knew that Angle, being a no-nonsense Christian with a keen eye for the obvious might be a problem. But there was still a slim chance that we might slip by unscathed. Then the fiscally responsible Republicans popped into action and let the country know there are still some adults in power that know how to institute tough-love policies. They discovered we have a national debt that had been hidden from everyone for the last ten years, and now it was time to do something about it. So they made a list of priorities placing large corporations on top. Just bellow that was the billionaires that run the large corporations. Then the military and the corporations that sell to the military. Then everything else. These responsible Republicans are nobody’s fools. They knew that every dime wasted on some hungry family could be going to a more deserving billionaire, or one of the many corporations that own congress. There was only one thing to do, they thought – get us off our lazy butts and back to work. For our own good. As Senator Kyl said, “paying people unemployment compensation is a disincentive for them to seek new work.” Senator Kyl and the rest know there was only two things to do to solve this deficit/debt problem, that didn’t exist before last year – cut taxes and spend billions more on war.
Oh, and cut unemployment benefits.
They asked themselves, “How much money do the unemployed give to congress every year? Nothing, that’s how much. And compared to millions that Exxon and Goldman Sachs give every year - that’s nothing.” So, now the writing was on the wall. We had to get off our couches and take those jobs the local businesses have been knocking on our doors to give us.
Since we’re no longer slipping by under the radar and have been found out, I might as well come clean on our ingenious plan. We are all very proud of ourselves and this plan, anyway. It all started with an elaborate phone-tree with about two million people in it we all could trust. It was my job to pay attention to the news and start calling when the time was right. I saw the government was going to give billions to the banks that crashed the economy. This was the time to act, I thought. So, I called two people, and then they called two people, and so on, and so on. Soon there were millions of us losing our jobs and taking in that sweet $293.00 a week for doing nothing. Sure, there were some holdouts, “I’m fifty-five years old and have been working here for thirty years.” Or, “I make more than $293.00 a day, why would take that for a week?” But, soon they were convinced what a great deal this was on got on board like the rest of us.
So, I hope you’re happy Sharron Angle! You’ve ruined it for us. Now everyone knows there are lots of jobs out there. And if she succeeds at getting us back to work, say for those minimum wage jobs that are so abundant, maybe she will see her plan to privatize Social Security come to fruition. Then we could be at those jobs for a very, very long time.
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