Borowitz reveals:"BP Says Oil in Gulf Must be Changed Every Six Months"

[Mira]

Bad Situation Gets Worse

GULF OF MEXICO (The Borowitz Report) – At a time when many thought that news out of the Gulf of Mexico couldn’t get any worse, BP announced today that the oil in the Gulf needs to be changed every six months.

“The oil will need to be changed every six months or every 15,000 lies,” said the BP spokesman. “Whatever comes sooner.”

The announcement about the oil change came on the heels of BP’s decision earlier in the week to separate the Gulf into two sections, full-serve and self-serve.

Sensing that the company was staring down a deepening public relations disaster, BP CEO Tony Hayward attempted to sound a compassionate note: “If this sort of damage were being inflicted on my yacht, I would be devastated.”

According to experts, the BP oil spill is now the second-worst leak in U.S. history, after Michael Steele’s mouth.

www.borowitzreport.com

[louis-t]

1. Humor is the only thing keeping me from going insane.

[Mira]

3. Me too n/t

[SpiralHawk]

2. "We apologize." - Republicons (R)

"We are sooooo sorry that anyone would mock our intimate corporate cronies at BP. We humbly BEG forgiveness from our beloved oil cronies, and pray they will continue to favor us in their, um, special ways."

- Republicons (R)

[Angry Dragon]

4. Are the republicans apologizing because they did not protect bp enough??

[SpiralHawk]

6. Republicons are just a generally apolgetic lot*

* when it comes to kissing the ass of the wealthy corporate cronies who keep their Republicorportista cabal afloat.

[BeFree]

5. Next

BP ads will say: "Free cup of soup with every barrel served"

[Octafish]

7. Please apologize.

You hurt wittle BP's feewings.

[BeFree]

8. Anyone else

And I'd tell them to go fuck themselves you gawd damned BP dick sucker.

But knowing you, Octafish, as I do, I got a nice chuckle.

So yes, I will apologize to BP.

BP I am sorry.

Sorry I ever spent one damn penny at a BP station, you bunch of slimy no good gulf killing bastards.