I think I just experienced some healing today from ChickMagic's passing

[derby378]

As a lot of you know by now, I'm down in Corpus Christi due to attending the Democratic state convention on Friday and Saturday. I knew that ChickMagic's ghost would haunt me if I didn't make the trip. So I showed up for my delegate badge, ran an issue caucus, got elected to the state committee on resolutions, and spent 8-9 hours yesterday debating resolutions on a diet of water and MetRx bars.

Today is the first day that I had a decent amount of free time. I spent some of it on Padre Island, feeding the laughing gulls with a fresh loaf of bread, just like Ginny would have done if she were still here. Then I drove up to Port Aransas, where I rented an electric buggy to scoot around the local roads with. I deliberately chose a blue and pink buggy named "Taffy" with a hot pink interior and long eyelashes on the headlights because I thought Ginny would get a laugh out of the whole idea.

I had the buggy for an hour. Five minutes before I was due to drive Taffy back to the lot, I had this funny feeling. Not really a physical sensation, mind you - but just a sense of Ginny's presence, sitting right next to me on the front seat of the buggy, eyes closed, a big smile on her face like she was riding the Tilt-a-Whirl. Then she lay her head on my shoulder.

You can call it whatever you like: mental feedback, a self-reinforcing delusion, or even a visitation. Whatever it is, I think it is healing me to some degree.

There's a lot of things that went through my mind after Ginny died. Lots of feelings of guilt, self-doubt, and regret. I'm told it's perfectly normal and shows how much Ginny meant to me, but it still hurt. What I experienced in that buggy felt like forgiveness, understanding, reassurance, whatever it was that I needed. I felt a measure of peace.

I can't kid myself. There's still a ways to go in the recovery process. But I feel like I took a big step today.

[denbot]

1. Peace to you

:cry:

[lunatica]

2. Thanks for sharing that

I'm glad you're feeling some peace. That was a beautiful day.

[auntAgonist]

3. I think you did take a big step

and I have no doubt Ginny was with you to help you along the way.

:hug:

Thank you for posting this awesome message.

take care of you D.

aA
kesha

[derby378]

5. One thing about recovery...

...is relearning how to do a lot of stuff alone. Sometimes, it's surprisingly hard. I no longer had that sense of Ginny being around. Not until today. That was big on a very personal level.

[w8liftinglady]

10. do you have friends/family nearby?

Maybe they can make things a little easier....

[derby378]

12. Sure do...

Brother and sister-in-law are just across town. Parents live in eastern Texas, about two hours away. I've had a lot of emotional support from my family over the past month and a half.

[roguevalley]

she was there where she belongs, by your side. you did feel it

and you don't have to explain it to anyone, or defend it. She came to be with you because that is where she belongs. I feel such happiness for you.

[laughingliberal]

4. I am glad to see you honoring your grieving process and honored you shared it with us. nt

[sandnsea]

6. derby, I am so sorry

I missed the posts about the passing of your wife. I'm glad you are finding ways to heal your pain and celebrate the love you so obviously shared with her.

[w8liftinglady]

7. I'm glad you are seeing a shred of healing.Ginny wants that.I'm proud of you!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

8. My dear derby378...

You did take a big step today, and I think she was there with you...

Thank you for sharing your story with us...

Peace and love to you!

[derby378]

11. Ginny had a degree in marine biology...

...so she was thoroughly disgusted with what happened in the Gulf with BP. Texas is very, very lucky that no oil or tarballs have shown up in our waters or on our shores as of yet. I fear, however, that it is only a matter of time.

I am truly convinced that Ginny wanted me here, to experience the sand, the waves, the birds, everything.

[hobbit709]

9. Sounds like it to me.

I just went through something similar.

For years Donna always wanted to grow sunflowers in the yard and she would always find a way to kill them, ranging from over/under watering to once weedwhacking them before they bloomed.
This spring in the front yard a clump of them sprang up spontaneously and is blooming nicely.

[derby378]

13. That is so sweet...

I am truly sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing that story with us. :hug:

[Mz Pip]

14. Perhaps this was Ginny's way

of telling you that she'll be there for you and that time will let you heal.

I'm sorry for your loss. From your post it seems to me that Ginny was a very fortunate woman to have had you in her life.

[BanzaiBonnie]

15. Thank you for sharing

May love shared always be a comfort to you.

[Raksha]

16. Thank you for sharing this beautiful heartfelt story with us.

I have no doubt that Ginny was with you in that buggy.

[Gormy Cuss]

17. That's a wonderful story derby378.

I'm happy for you.

[Swamp Rat]

18. .

:hug:

[sonias]

19. Beautiful story Derby

I know Ginny is with you and she would be happy that you are healing. She wants you to live life.

:hug:

[kanda]

20. thank you

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It's beautiful and touching. Peace be with you.