19 reasons why God torched Jesus - By Mark Morford

[kpete]

Never let it be said that God does not appreciate irony. ...Remember that one time you downed five shots of Jagermeis...Dude! Check out those sprinkler things around Truncated J...

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19 reasons why God torched Jesus
By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist

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2) The late, great fundamentalist nutcase Oral Roberts, he who singlehandedly inflicted the nightmare of the megachurch on humanity, he who invented Oral Roberts University and spawned a hugely corrupt, slug-slick huckster son named Richard to run it into the ground, well, Oral reportedly had himself a hot little vision some 30 years ago, in which he claims to have encountered -- and chatted with -- a 900-foot Jesus, which is as tall as the Chrysler building, thus making his casual conversation sort of like you talking to a flea. Cute!

All of which is to say: A measly six-story, truncated half-Jesus made out of Styrofoam and coat hangers and Elmer's glue, stuck on the side of an Ohio highway? You call that a vision? For that to be a real vision worthy of a pseudo-religious shyster worth his misfiring synapses, the thing should be on fire. Aha!

3) I'll let you in on a little secret: God had nothing to do with it.

A shockingly large number of Americans don't yet realize just how powerful the gay movement has become. Few seem to comprehend what sort of nasty underworld forces have been unleashed thanks to all those sassy gay sitcom characters, the gay marriage movement and Ellen DeGeneres. The homo energy wave has quietly been increasing in strength over the years and is now fully able, after millennia of bad Liza Minnelli impersonations, tight tank tops and Speedos, to actually control the elements.

Don't you see? It's all very timely, really. Prop. 8's ultimate fate is being decided as I write these words. The evil gays needed to send a message to really freak out the homophobes. Turning half the megachurch pastors, Catholic priests and Boy Scout leaders gay didn't seem to have any effect. I've got it! Torch the giant Jesus! So easy. Next up: hailstorms of butt plugs during the Super Bowl. Watch for it.

4) Oh sure, make all the jokes you want. "God struck down his only son. Again!" Or, "I guess God really hates Styrofoam!" Here's what the fundamentalists think: "It's genius! Don't you see God's master plan here? He started a holy conversation! We're all talking about Jesus again! He brought Christ back into the public consciousness! Yay, God!"

Sure, you could argue it's a form of the Savior that's just a wee bit tacky, insulting and childish, not to mention a laughable piece of "artwork" you wouldn't wish upon a blind quadriplegic goat herder. Whatevs. As the Pharisees used to say: "No such thing as bad press, yo."

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more:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2010/06/18/notes061810.DTL&feed=rss.mmorford

[burrowowl]

1. Love Morford!

[Xipe Totec]

2. Amateurs, says Bolivia

Brazil agrees



Look! Ours is still there!

[AnArmyVeteran]

3. Why was the Jesus statue buried halfway in the water, if he could walk on water???

And shouldn't the statue have been resurrected after three days in the shape it was before god destroyed it with lightning? There seems to be a lot of inconsistencies but that is typical in the Christian faith. Out of the 2000 different Christian churches no two can agree on what the Bible says. If God was all knowing then you'd think he could have had the Bible written so there would be no doubt about the messages contained in the fables. I believe Stephen King could have written it better and at least it would have been easy to understand.

If simplicity is genius, then the god who had the Bible written is a blooming idiot.

[pinboy3niner]

4. 5) He is resin.

That one kills me! :rofl: