One-man mission to catch Bin Laden goes up in smoke (he does sort of look like Tommy Chong!)

[depakid]

An Elmer Fudd-style hunt ends in a comic muddle in Pakistan's badlands.

'SSSH. Be wery, wery qwiet. We're hunting tewwowists!'' Of course, Elmer Fudd crept along wielding an ancient rifle and had one big advantage; he never ran out of bullets. Gary Brooks Faulkner chose a different - if hardly less comic - tack. He took a bloody great sword on his quest. Oh, and a pistol, some night-vision goggles and a pocket knife.

It's all a bit sketchy, but we do know this: Faulkner, a Colorado carpenter, was picked up by police in Pakistan's badlands on Monday, claiming to be on a one-man mission to bring down Osama bin Laden. Unmanned attack drones, spy satellites, the billion-dollar resources of the CIA and years of fruitless searching be damned. Time to settle this, mano a mano. Faulkner even brought along some plastic ties to use as handcuffs, hoping to carry out a citizen's arrest and drag the September 11 mastermind to justice.

A small wrinkle intruded on this otherwise flawless plan. Had Faulkner actually caught up with Bin Laden, the two would have needed to delay duking it out and first share a dialysis machine.

You see, according to Faulkner's brother and sister, the 50-year-old suffers a chronic kidney condition and needs regular blood transfusions to stay alive. Bin Laden supposedly did as well - at least, that was the story a few years back, but the bugger hasn't dropped dead yet.

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Evidently, this was not the first time Faulkner has trekked to Pakistan in search of the elusive al-Qaeda leader. He simply felt the American military was not doing enough in the search. ''He's not crazy,'' the brother explained. Only a concerned citizen, a passionate Christian, outraged at Bin Laden's mocking of America. ''He's as normal as you and I.''

''What's normal anyways?'' the mother of Forrest Gump once asked. Stupid is as stupid does.

More: http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/oneman-mission-to-catch-bin-laden-goes-up-in-smoke-20100616-ygcv.html