combat vets please help me with this.

[redwitch]

A young man I know is currently stationed in Iraq. His dad told me this weekend that son was involved in a firefight with 2 insurgents that fired on his unit. It was 30 to 2 and son and unit prevailed. Dad told me that son is into all that macho stuff. I couldn't tell if he was bragging or just whistling past the graveyard. I am totally freaked out that this sweet young man has now taken a life. I know it was self defense, soldiers do what they do when fired on. But just a couple of years ago this young man was going to his prom and starring in high school plays. His dad's words keep popping into my head and I am feeling rather awful about this. I'm not really sure what I am asking you. Any thoughts? I think my heart is breaking.

[uppityperson]

1. Not a combat vet, but having known several, have no advice and it sucks.

Taking fine young adults and putting them into war situations, it just sucks.

[virgogal]

2. That sweet young man could come home and be a responsible,peaceful

citizen for the rest of his life,as many war veterans over the years have done.

[redwitch]

3. I have to believe that this will be the case.

He's a sweet young kid. I just wish that he hadn't been a part of this. He shouldn't even be there though, so I am having a hard time with this.

[redwitch]

4. someone unrecced this.

Fuck them.

[TacticalPeek]

5. Some unrecs I find unbelievable.

Try not to worry. Better them than him, so that fight came out right.

What virgogal said.

[redwitch]

6. I know that.

But he will live with the knowledge that he took a life. Forever. I cannot wrap my mind around that without weeping for his innocence. Why is he even there?

[bobbolink]

16. Thank you for reminding me to rec this!

As one who routinely get the hate brigade, I am particularly sensitive to others being hit with that crap.

Off now to rec.. thanks!

[redwitch]

7. Why are people unreccing this?

I really would like to know.

[redwitch]

8. I think I am sorry I posted in the first place.

DU what the fuck?

[hayu_lol]

9. People here tend to forget that we sent millions of boys...

who had proms, girlfriends, jobs, families, and so on off to war in WWII. One does not send the grandfathers and in some cases not the older fathers to do such jobs. Some of you need to keep this in mind.

Armies are not police forces. To limit them to such duty is to watch them waste away. Rules of engagement, particularly in this warlike theater just gets our guys killed. They can only fire when fired upon. They are trained to protect each other. Some have doubts about what they are doing...but all would really like to come home.

The playing field, for our troops, is not a level one. The enemy is unrecognizable being just another civilian walking/driving along. If our troops are fired upon, they will return fire...as a trained force...they are better at this than the loose confederation of what is know as the enemy.

Sure, this war is wrong. Wrong in it's concept and wrong in it's continuance. Our troops being there is as a result...also wrong. Do not blame the troops themselves. They are not fighting for us. They are not fighting for their homes. They are fighting for each others survival in a very unfriendly place. Nam was screwed up in exactly the same way. If the opposition chooses to move freely among their own people, they are helping to kill innocent men, women, and children. Our troops would prefer not to do what they are doing. A bit of military posturing helps make the situation better, if not safer, for each of our people involved.

Perhaps if we had gone in with more troops, civilians chose to send the troops, then we would have had sufficient force to stop the continuing fighting. This was not done. If the handwringers amongst us here at home would think the situation through, they would know that most of our troops are doing their best to stop hostilities.

Only our side of this conflict has our troops under control. The other side can do as it wishes. Leaves our kids, male and female in this conflict, vulnerable to both enemy fire and punishment by our side, for not obeying the 'rules of engagement.'

I can fully understand the un-recs on this thread.

[redwitch]

13. I posted that I am sad for lost innocence.

And I do understand that lots of people over the history of the world were removed from their normal lives and put into combat situations. I am not blaming my friend's son, I love the kid. I just hate the horror of war and I mourn the loss of his innocence. I do not understand your stance.

[w8liftinglady]

10. mom of a combat vet.

My son does not talk about the lives I know he took,as he did 1 year of nothing but guard duty 2003-2004 in Taji,not to mention his subsequent deployments.It left him a changed man,and not in a good way.I have steered him towards a few resources for ptsd,but he doesn't even want to go there.No matter what the VA may say,there is still an assumption of weakness for any troop that admits to having a problem.They are conditioned that way(unless things have changed dramatically)and it is reinforced by their superiors.
Nonetheless,here are some resources for his dad,should the subject come up again.
http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/index.asp

[redwitch]

14. Thank you.

:hug:

[bobbolink]

23. .

:cry: :pals:

[uppityperson]

11. Kick, already rec'd, for someone asking for help. I don't often pay attention to recs,

but don't understand why this is getting unrec'd. Sorry.

[UTUSN]

12. Sounds like the question is really about the dad. O.K., that said,

we were all 20 (or 18) once. We were nerdy, in-the-band, marginalized, ostracized, or whatever once.

And when you go into the military, your head is shaved, you are de-personalized, and THEREFORE made "equal" to everybody, AND then you do what "everybody" (else) does.

[nadinbrzezinski]

15. I am married to a combat vet

(and been there, done that, but not pulled any trigger)

When the kid comes home, if he wants to talk, let him, shut up and listen. If he does not... let him...

But you may want to gently point him to the VA to talk to other combat vets.

Oh and the macho stuff is at times a coping device.

As to taking a life... probably.

[redwitch]

18. I guess we are all whistling past the graveyard.

Dad is a good man but his experience will not help him with this one. He and his son will both need help with this from professionals.

[nadinbrzezinski]

21. Only if they want it

You cannot force it.

[quiller4]

25. Not necessarily from professionals. Sometimes the contact that helps the

most is from peers. That is especially true for returning vets. There are quite a few vets organizations that do outreach. My nephew who has served 3 tours since 2002 is a vet volunteer in Hilo.

[bobbolink]

17. I saw this happen with my own son, so I understand the heartbreak aspect.

It is a tragedy. :cry:

[redwitch]

32. I am so sorry.

:hug:

[bobbolink]

39. Thank you. This is so hard. You are in my thoughts.

Best wishes to you!

:hug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

19. My old next door neighbor's son just went off this month.

My husband had a hand in raising him (he was fatherless). He was the earnest young man who gave an eloquent speech at my husband's funeral, saying,"I took Mr. Harper for granted. I always thought he would be there for me". He is now facing God knows what, with a mom who proudly speaks of him helping to defeat the insurgents and terrorists. I think of a little boy dragging home a riding mower and asking my husband to help him get it to run...

...my heart breaks for you redwitch.

[nadinbrzezinski]

20. Oh and the unrecs people are just generally uncomfortable to

be reminded that real people are involved in the mess.

Oh and also remember,

When he comes back, don't startle him... and by all means, realize that most vets don't want to talk, especially to civilians like you.

Me and hubby are strange in that way, but I suspect that's why we are saner.

By the way, my dad (WW II Holocaust Survivor) FINALLY told me some of the stories... after realizing that I got it as somebody who handled refugees. It's been how long since the end of the war? THAT WAR?

[redwitch]

26. He'll talk to me, on a lighter level.

I am a mom who seems to inspire people to talk to me for comfort. I am a good listener. I also know I am not equipped to handle his anguish about his experience. But I can listen. And I can offer my tears and my affection and my advice that there are others who are better equipped.

[nadinbrzezinski]

27. Please, don't count on it

many combat vets leave the hurt locker, yes that is where the term comes from, a combat zone, and bottle it in.

I have had perfect stranger marines open to both hubby and me because we share that with them. These are the same kids that will not talk to their wives, their mothers, even the chaplain.

If he wants to talk, let him, if he doesn't, don't pressure it.

[redwitch]

29. I would never pressure him.

I hope he finds what he needs. I will just let him know that he is loved.

[nadinbrzezinski]

30. And that is all he might need from you

:-)

[anarch]

22. I'm sorry, I have no advice

just empathy for the sentiment. These occupations should end as soon as possible, and some more effective form of aid rendered to the nations we've injured with our agression.

[awoke_in_2003]

24. k&r. nt

[donco]

28. The odds are

that the young man wont say much when he gets home and will be sorry he said a thing to his dad.

[redwitch]

33. You may be right.

I know very few veterans who talk about their experience. Those of us who haven't been there can never really understand.

[4lbs]

31. I used to work with a Vietnam Vet, a former Marine.

He would tell me a few stories about his tours in Vietnam, and the firefights he was part of there.

There were instances of him having to pull shrapnel and bullets out of his fellow soldiers, or tie knots and put pressure on wounds to stop bleeding, because medics weren't around or were overloaded with other wounded.

I don't recall him sounding happy or "gung-ho" about it. Rather he was a little melancholy about it.

[redwitch]

34. I have a friend who is an addictions counselor.

Started seeing his first clients from this mess a few years ago. And so it goes.

[Cid_B]

35. Currently serving in Afghanistan...

My strong advice is to not lay your guilt/"freak out"/heart break on him. The last thing he needs is for someone to tell him that he is somehow "wrong" for not being heatbroken.

If the Soldier is fine then let him be and move on. As far as you know he may be totally fine with the fact that some people who tried to do harm to him and his comrades are no longer among the living.

LATER, if you do see actual signs of anguish then there are options but there is no need to saddle him with them if they aren't there.

Bottom line: Don't make a problem if there isn't one.

[redwitch]

36. I never would do that to him.

I was happy to be able to post this here, I just had to say something to someone. I would never say anything to him unless he clearly wanted to talk about it with me. I don't think he will. It is probably hard for someone in your situation to understand but the young people I have watched grow up are all my kids, or they could be. I only have a mom's perspective and my instinct is to protect and nurture. I know I can't fix it all, I know that isn't helpful to him now. I just needed somewhere to go with my broken heart. I know he will do what he needs to do to survive.

I never wanted to make a problem, just vent my own anguish somewhere. Be safe, ok?

[redwitch]

37. Good night DU. nt

[Cid_B]

38. Fair enough...

I shouldn't have implied that you would. Just wanted to make sure it was clear either way.

In any case, be supportive, send the care packages and odds are he will be just fine.