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You too can join the Tea Party, just read the form and agree to the terms.
THE ANTI-SOCIALIST/TEA BAGGER CONTRACT
I, ________________________, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly adhere to the following:
I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 1st Amendment Rights. I will complain about the destruction of my 2nd Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 2nd Amendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing unconcealed firearms in public. I will foreswear the time-honored principles of fairness, decency, and respect by screaming unintelligible platitudes regarding tyranny, Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls. Also. I pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life. I will abstain from the use of and participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following: "�Social Security "�Medicare/Medicaid "�State Children's Health Insurance Programs (SCHIP) "�Police, Fire, and Emergency Services "�US Postal Service "�Roads and Highways "�Air Travel (regulated by the socialist FAA) "�The US Railway System "�Public Subways and Metro Systems "�Public Bus and Lightrail Systems "�Rest Areas on Highways "�Sidewalks "�All Government-Funded Local/State Projects (e.g., see Iowa 2009 federal senate appropriations) "�Public Water and Sewer Services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink, outdoor hose!) "�Public and State Universities and Colleges "�Public Primary and Secondary Schools "�Sesame Street "�Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education for Children "�Public Museums "�Libraries "�Public Parks and Beaches "�State and National Parks "�Public Zoos "�Unemployment Insurance "�Municipal Garbage and Recycling Services "�Treatment at Any Hospital or Clinic That Ever Received Funding From Local, State or Federal Government (pretty much all of them) "�Medical Services and Medications That Were Created or Derived From Any Government Grant or Research Funding (again, pretty much all of them) "�Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment Such as Duct Tape and Velcro (Nazi-NASA Inventions) "�Use of the Internets, email, and networked computers, as the DoD's ARPANET was the basis for subsequent computer networking "�Foodstuffs, Meats, Produce and Crops That Were Grown With, Fed With, Raised With or That Contain Inputs From Crops Grown With Government Subsidies "�Clothing Made from Crops (e.g. cotton) That Were Grown With or That Contain Inputs From Government Subsidies If a veteran of the government-run socialist US military, I will forego my VA benefits and insist on paying for my own medical care I will not tour socialist government buildings like the Capitol in Washington, D.C. I pledge to never take myself, my family, or my children on a tour of the following types of socialist locations, including but not limited to: "�Smithsonian Museums such as the Air and Space Museum or Museum of American History "�The socialist Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson Monuments "�The government-operated Statue of Liberty "�The Grand Canyon "�The socialist World War II and Vietnam Veterans Memorials "�The government-run socialist-propaganda location known as Arlington National Cemetery "�All other public-funded socialist sites, whether it be in my state or in Washington, DC I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forego their government salary and government-provided healthcare. I will oppose and condemn the government-funded and therefore socialist military of the United States of America. I will boycott the products of socialist defense contractors such as GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics, Raytheon, Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and hundreds of others that are paid by our socialist government to produce goods for our socialist army. I will protest socialist security departments such as the Pentagon, FBI, CIA, Department of Homeland Security, TSA, Department of Justice and their socialist employees. Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will tear up my socialist Social Security checks. Upon reaching age 65, I will forego Medicare and pay for my own private health insurance until I die. SWORN ON A BIBLE AND SIGNED THIS DAY OF __________ IN THE YEAR ___.
_____________ _________________________ Signed Printed Name/Town and State
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