Birth! . . . er . . . . . . Birth! . . . er . . . . . . Birth! . . . er . . . . . . Oh.
Barrack Hussein Obama II was conceived in Hawaii and born approximately nine months later in a jet propelled hot air balloon sometime between January 1959 and October 1964. It is
possible that he was born in August of 1961. Obama's mother was his younger half-sister and his father was Sun Yat-sen, neither of whom was born in Hawaii but both of whom have Hawaiian Certificates of Live Birth, as not explained below. The attending physician at Obama's birth was from Papua New Guinea. The actual identity of this physician has caused leading republicans to ask the question (often by email): "Which Doctor?" This has caused the republican party some embarrassment due to the republican doctrinal hatred of, and institutional bias against, homophones.
As for the location of baby Obama's birth, the baby's head emerged from the mother's birth canal while the hot air balloon was in Hawaiian airspace. The balloon then traveled to Indonesian airspace where the baby's torso emerged, and from there the balloon went to Kenyan airspace where the baby's legs and feet were delivered. Because of the protracted time lapse during baby Obama'a birth, the other occupants of the hot air balloon were heard to exclaim: Birth! . . er . . . . Birth! . . er . . . . Birth! . . er. Oddly enough, this chant was destined to become an important plank in the republican party platform many years later.
Once the birth of baby Obama was complete, the hot air balloon headed toward Canada. That's right ! Canada ! ! The umbilical cord was cut in international airspace! ! ! This bears repeating: the umbilical cord was cut in international airspace ! ! ! Under the Constitution of the United States of America and both state and federal law as it existed at the time, this means that Obama was not eligible to become president of the Harvard Law Review later in his life. However, since life begins at conception (according to republicans), and since baby Obama was conceived in Hawaii which nearly everyone concedes was at that time, and still is, part of the USA! USA! USA!, Obama is Constitutionally eligible to be President of the United States.
Upon arrival in Canada, the one day old baby Obama spent somewhere between 37 minutes and 42 minutes being fully indoctrinated into Socialism (he was highly intelligent and a quick learner with a remarkable APGAR score which has always infuriated republicans, him being black and all). There are no records or any evidence whatsoever indicating that baby Obama received any Socialist health care while in Canada, which can mean only one thing. Baby Obama must have received Socialist health care while in Canada and he vowed then and there that someday he would bring Socialist health care to some other unnamed country. And that is two things. The significance of this is both obvious and ominous. Also two things. Hence, this is doubling damning evidence.
The hot air balloon then headed to an undisclosed location in Washington state, (in another country which shall remain unnamed for security reasons) where baby Obama went directly to the world famous Forged Birth Certificates and BBQ Bazaar. There baby Obama purchased three forged Hawaiian birth certificates (one each for himself, his half-sister and his father) in the short form, long form, vault copy, balance beam copy, colby copy, cheddar copy, and all other variations which have been fully, though not clearly, described on the internets. (Probably because the tubes are clogged.) He got the Anti-Christ volume discount of course since his umbilical cord was cut in international airspace. He also purchased 666 different Social Security numbers for future nefarious use. He did not get the Lou Dobbs volume discount on this purchase since that requires a purchase of millions of Social Security numbers. While at the Forged Birth Certificates and BBQ Bazaar, baby Obama also had the dry rub ribs with a side of slaw (child's portion and price).
The hot air balloon now began its triumphant return to Hawaii. Upon arrival in Honolulu, baby Obama immediately called Kenya and Australia to arrange for the creation of certain documents which might become important many years later. He also made arrangements with future Hawaiian government officials concerning statements they would make 40 some years in the future about his birth. Baby Obama then got jobs at two different Hawaiian newspapers. He was in charge of handling birth announcements and operating the printing presses. The printing press jobs were union, so this obviously is when Obama became a Communist. He often would arrive home from work covered in black printer's ink, which left an oily taint in his bathwater. The printer's ink may be the basis for leading republicans later referring to Obama as a "little, black man-child."
Shortly thereafter, baby Obama began teething. While no definitive conclusions can be drawn from this fact, it is highly suspicious since it is well documented that some babies born in Africa, in the same year baby Obama was born, began teething at approximately the same age. It was also during this period of his life that he sometimes wore muslin diapers, which probably explains why some republicans have accused him of being "muslin."
As Obama grew older he attended some of the finest schools in the world, possibly including Hogwarts, which may explain why many republicans now call him the "Magic Negro."
The rest of the United States of America and the world call him Mr. President.
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