BREAKING: Robertson Claims “God Even Angrier with Chile than Haiti”

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

http://thedesperateblogger.com/2010/02/breaking-robertson-claims-%E2%80%9Cgod-even-angrier-with-chile-than-haiti%E2%80%9D/

Citing what he described as the “the persecution of a great hero who rid their land of Godless communists” as a possible cause, prominent TV evangelist and amateur seismologist Pat Robertson today argued that the 8.8 magnitude of the earthquake that struck Chile early this morning should serve as a warning to the population that “God is even angrier with them than he is with the people of Haiti.”

“If I had to guess, I’d say it must have to do with Chile’s persecution and attempted prosecution of their great former leader, and a personal hero of mine, Augusto Pinochet – who, it should be noted, had never been convicted of a crime when the Lord called him home three years ago.” The popular host of ‘The 700 Club’ and longtime bingo circuit icon also added, “General Pinochet not only assisted the CIA in the overthrow of Chile’s Marxist government, but is widely credited with personally arranging the meetings of hundreds, perhaps thousands, of his countrymen with Jesus.”

General Pinochet, who spent the last eight years of his life fighting prosecution on human rights and other charges before succumbing to congestive heart failure in December 2006, could not be reached for comment, even by Robertson. The General–turned-Dictator has long been considered a transformative figure in the field of Crimes Against Humanity as a result of his landmark policy of ‘Forced Disappearance’, and was even honored in 1998 with the first-ever arrest warrant for a former head of state under the principle of ‘universal jurisdiction’ by Spanish Judge Baltasar Garzon, who is currently investigating former Bush Administration officials for War Crimes and Crimes Against Humanity.

For his part, Robertson, who reportedly lobbied then-President George W. Bush on behalf of former Liberian Dictator and accused Human Rights criminal Charles Taylor in exchange for lucrative gold mining contracts, says that he is “praying that the people of Chile will heed this warning, and never again blaspheme against God and international free-market commerce by nationalizing their most precious natural resources.”

[Stevenmarc]

1. God's not too pleased with Robertson since it's evident he had him dropped on his head at birth.

[xchrom]

4. Not hard enough though. Nt

[niceypoo]

2. Natural disasters are Gods way of pounding home GOP talking points

[Vickers]

3. What a nutcase.

Edit: GAH! Should have read the OP's ID. :P
____________________________________________________________________________________

:crazy:

To think that a few people (OK, a very few) wanted that psycho to run the country!

[polly7]

7. I thought he died ? n/t,

[TheMightyFavog]

14. You're thinking Jerry Falwell.

End of line.

[polly7]

45. Oh. Ok, thanks. I don't pay much attention to them other than when

they die. Hmmmmm ...... that sounds slightly sick. (It really isn't meant to).

[Jamastiene]

5. Already?

I thought he'd at least give is a day. :banghead:

[potone]

6. Please tell me this is a joke.

"blaspheme against God and international free-market commerce"????!!!! When did God become a capitalist?

[Catshrink]

8. I think it is but I wouldn't be surprised if he said something similar.

Maybe it's time for ol' Pat to be put in a "home."

[gristy]

9. sure

this is a joke

[Syrinx]

10. "ThisThreadIsSatire"

[nemo137]

43. Poe's Law.

"Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of fundamentalism that someone won't mistake for the real thing."

[Vinnie From Indy]

47. SO true!

It is quite stunning that unless the satire is pointed out it is almost impossible to tell if fundie madness is real or a joke.

[Initech]

11. Why cant we rid the world of this televangelist scumfuck?

[Codeine]

12. He's a douchebag,

but he didn't actually say this.

[Cetacea]

16. He is. eom

[givemebackmycountry]

13. delete

[HCE SuiGeneris]

15. God needs to smite this ignorant POS.

He is the epitome of everything that MY god would rent asunder.

Just thought I would use the language that Pat might understand.

[AnnieBW]

17. I thought that this was from 'The Onion'

I really wish that it was.

[Codeine]

21. If it was from The Onion it would be funny.

This is just kinda stupid and malicious. Bad satire.

[ljm2002]

18. Okay that's it...

...Never mind. I can't post what I'm thinking. Suffice to say, violent fantasies.

[SpookyCat]

19. Sorry, too soon.

I love gallows humor as much as the next person, but IMHO this is in poor taste, esp since so many are taking it seriously. Granted it's a sad commentary on Robertson that we wouldn't be sure it was satire right away, but still, too soon.

[TNDemo]

20. Why is God so inept?

If we wants people dead, can't he just strike them dead instead of haphazard earthquakes?

[backscatter712]

22. This story smells like snark.

Though I won't be surprised when the real Pat Robertson shoots off his mouth and says something nearly identical...

[demigoddess]

23. he's crazy, but to offer an alternative interpretation--how about if God is

giving people a good reason to move farther from the shore so they will be safe when global warming raises the sea level around the world????

[formercia]

24. Pat Robertson would make a great Pope.

:rofl:

[PassingFair]

25. LOL LOL LOL

“General Pinochet not only assisted the CIA in the overthrow of Chile’s Marxist government, but is widely credited with personally arranging the meetings of hundreds, perhaps thousands, of his countrymen with Jesus.”

[Bicoastal]

26. U GYZ---IZ A JOKE!

But I'm sure the real Pat Robertson will say something like this very soon.

[leftstreet]

27. ONSET DEMENTIA

I feel sad for Robertson's family

[Sebastian Doyle]

28. While this thread is obviously parody, just wait until Monday

The 700 Club doesn't air on the weekends, so Pat will no doubt say something stupid about Chile then. And sadly, it probably won't be all that different from the OP.

[RaleighNCDUer]

32. I can't wait for Jon Stewart's take on Pat Robertson's take on this

(which we KNOW is inevitable - he's as predictable as his fellow preacher blaming it on the gays).

[marmar]

29. self delete....Some satire is all too believable

nt

[RaleighNCDUer]

30. Is this satire? Talking about Robertson it is so hard to tell. nt

[Nikki Stone1]

31. Replace "God" with "The Global Elite" and you would come closer to the truth

..

[DainBramaged]

33. "The Speechz wuz jst so teh awwwwsum!!!!!11111"

What an asshole....

[AngryOldDem]

34. This is a joke, right? A bad, bad parody of The Onion, right? Right?

But sadly, I believe Robertson is just batshit crazy enough to say something like this. How the FUCK can ANYONE defend Pinochet?

Newsflash to Pat: Dude, I can guarantee God ain't too happy with YOUR sorry ass these days, either.

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

39. You tell me...

"General Pinochet, who spent the last eight years of his life fighting prosecution on human rights and other charges before succumbing to congestive heart failure in December 2006, could not be reached for comment, even by Robertson..."

[riderinthestorm]

35. Great snark but seriously, I did wonder what "sin" Robertson is going to assign Chili

when I saw the news this morning.

We should start a poll and try to figure out what "sin" Robertson has decided gawd hates the most now.

[madrchsod]

38. catholics...espically liberal catholics

remember it`s just recently that the fundamentalists have embraced the catholic church and the jews

[Hannah Bell]

36. please god smite robertson, his house, and his goods.

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

50. his gold... nt

[David Zephyr]

37. Now I know what Satan looks like.

[krispos42]

42. Looks like Satan needs his grampers changed.

"Paging Jerry Falwell. Jerry Falwell to the changing room immediately, please."


:evilgrin:

[krispos42]

40. Called it!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x4285641#4285725


Damn, they're predictable, aren't they?



Shithead. :grr:

[Garbo 2004]

44. Blog post is satire. nt

[UTUSN]

41. K&R #16 for, can this be Rec'd MORE?11 n/t

[DFW]

46. "prominent TV evangelist and amateur seismologist Pat Robertson"

LOL!!!!!!!! I love it!

[blogslut]

48. Whack-A-Pat!

Let him have it:

http://blogslut.com/whackapat.html

[spanone]

49. these flatulent fucks who bandy around god's name have no shame

[Arkana]

51. Pat Robertson should be euthanized for the good of humanity.

[Ikonoklast]

52. The line between satire and reality is a very fine one, in this instance.

Marion never met a Fascist he (couldn't do business with) didn't like, as long as the dictator was killing 'commies' for Christ.